Is It Wrong to Date Your Best Friends Ex Without Knowing They Still Have Feelings?

A 28-year-old woman refused to let a decade-old breakup ruin her new relationship, but her best friend did not get the memo. OP and Mark have started dating, and it seemed like a clean, fresh start. Until Sarah, OP’s college best friend, saw them out together and flipped her whole emotional script.

Here’s the mess: Sarah and Mark dated briefly in sophomore year, then split amicably, and Sarah moved on to a happy marriage with kids. But “moved on” apparently did not mean “over it.” Sarah told OP she never fully got over Mark, and she felt hurt and betrayed that OP never asked before dating him, even though OP had zero clue those feelings were still alive.

Now OP is stuck between loyalty to Sarah and whatever this is with Mark, and the fallout is brutal.

Original Post

I (29F) have been friends with Sarah (28F) since college. Sarah briefly dated Mark (30M) during our sophomore year, but they broke up amicably.

Fast forward to now, Mark and I have started seeing each other without knowing about their past. For context, Sarah is now happily married with kids.

One day, Sarah saw Mark and me out together and was visibly upset. She later revealed that she never fully got over him and was still processing her feelings even after all these years.

She felt hurt and betrayed that I didn't ask her before dating Mark, even though it's been almost a decade since they split. Sarah has distanced herself from me and refuses to speak to Mark.

I genuinely had no idea Sarah wasn't over Mark, and he never mentioned their history until Sarah confronted us. I feel torn between my loyalties to my best friend and my budding relationship with Mark.

So, Reddit, AITA for dating my best friend's ex without knowing they still have feelings?

The Heart of the Conflict

This situation is a classic example of how complicated relationships can get, especially when feelings are still in play. The OP, a 29-year-old woman, thought she was building something new with Mark, yet she was blindsided by the fact that her best friend Sarah still has feelings for him. The emotional stakes are high, and this isn't just about dating an ex; it's about loyalty and trust within their friendship. The moment Sarah’s unresolved feelings come to light, the whole dynamic shifts.

What’s particularly striking is how the OP’s intentions were innocent. She genuinely didn’t know about Sarah’s feelings, which complicates the narrative of betrayal versus misunderstanding. This ambiguity resonates with readers who may have faced similar situations where boundaries were crossed without malicious intent.

Comment from u/sunset_dreamer17

Comment from u/random_rainbow99

Comment from u/pizza_penguin246

Sarah’s public upset when she spotted Mark and OP out together is where this friendship began cracking, fast.

Community Reactions Unpacked

The Reddit community's response to this thread showcases how divided people can be on issues of romantic entanglements. Some users sided with Sarah, arguing that no matter the OP's ignorance, dating a best friend's ex is off-limits. Others pointed out that the OP's lack of knowledge should mitigate her responsibility, sparking a heated debate about emotional honesty and communication.

This divergence reflects a broader societal conversation about the unwritten rules of friendship and dating. What do you do when feelings are unexpressed? Should one person's silence dictate another's romantic choices? The tension between personal freedom and loyalty plays out vividly here, making it a relatable topic for many.

Comment from u/coffee_crusader72

Comment from u/socks_and_sandals88

Comment from u/moonlight_mermaid55

The moment Sarah reveals she still had feelings for Mark, the “amicable breakup” story everyone assumed turns into a lie by omission.

This is messy like the AITA fight over pursuing a best friend’s crush and creating a rift.

Conflicted: Dating Best Friends Crush - AITA?.

Unwritten Rules of Dating

This dilemma highlights the unwritten rules that govern friendships and dating.

Comment from u/bookworm_bard22

Comment from u/gummybear_kisses09

Comment from u/rainbow_sherbet123

Mark’s silence about their history, until Sarah confronts them, is what makes OP feel like she’s being punished for not knowing.

What makes this situation particularly compelling is the emotional conflict at play. The OP is caught between her desire for a relationship and her loyalty to Sarah. This kind of emotional tug-of-war is something many people experience but often don’t talk about. It’s not just about two people dating; it’s about the fallout of that choice on a long-standing friendship.

The OP’s dilemma speaks to a larger theme of navigating love and loyalty, where one person’s happiness could potentially lead to another’s heartbreak. It’s a messy intersection of feelings that raises questions about how we prioritize our relationships and the complexities of love in a close-knit social circle.

Comment from u/whispering_willow3

When Sarah distances herself and refuses to speak to both OP and Mark, OP’s “budding relationship” stops feeling like a private win.

We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.

Why This Story Matters

This story serves as a powerful reminder of the emotional complexities involved in dating within friend groups. It challenges us to consider how much we really know about the feelings of those around us and the impact our choices can have on longstanding friendships. As relationships evolve, so do the rules that govern them. What do you think? Should the OP have been more aware of Sarah’s feelings, or does the blame lie with Sarah for not speaking up? The lines between love and loyalty are often blurred, and this case is a perfect example of that tension.

The Bigger Picture

The situation between the original poster and Sarah highlights the intricacies of friendship and uncommunicated emotions. While the OP believed she was pursuing a genuine connection with Mark, Sarah's unresolved feelings complicate matters significantly. Sarah’s reaction reveals how past relationships can linger beneath the surface, influencing current dynamics, especially when they’re not openly discussed.

OP didn’t steal anything, but she still has to watch her best friend burn the bridge anyway.

Before you decide, read how one best friend tried to stop the ex dating circus. Should I Stop My Best Friend from Dating My Ex? | AITA Dilemma.