Is it wrong to plan an adults-only group trip without friends kids?

It was supposed to be their long-awaited reset, a break from responsibilities for everyone in the group, couples and singles alike.

Then Alex and Sam, the two friends who recently became parents to toddlers, casually dropped the bomb that they wanted to bring their kids too. They weren’t being malicious, they just framed it as “family time,” and the beach and pool would be fun for everyone. OP, meanwhile, felt like the whole dynamic would shift, and he panicked when he realized he never explicitly said “adults only” in writing.

Now the group chat is split, and OP is stuck wondering if he’s being selfish for wanting one vacation that stays adult.

Original Post

I (28M) have been planning a week-long group trip with my friends - a mix of couples and singles, to a tropical destination. The trip is going to be a much-needed break for all of us to unwind and enjoy some adult time without responsibilities.

For background, we've been talking about this trip for months, and everyone seemed excited to finally have a getaway. Here's where the issue arises: two of my friends, let's call them Alex and Sam, recently became parents to toddlers.

While I adore their kids, I was envisioning our trip as a fun, carefree escape for the adults. No diapers, early bedtimes, or kid-friendly activities.

I never specified it being adults-only, assuming it was implicit in our discussions. As the trip date approaches, Alex and Sam casually mentioned bringing their young children along.

They mentioned that it would be great for family time and that the kids would love the beach and pool. While I understand their perspective, I was taken aback and felt it may change the dynamic of our vacation drastically.

I thought about it and decided to gently bring up the idea of an adults-only trip to our group chat. I mentioned that I envisioned this trip as a time for us to relax, have a few drinks, and enjoy adult conversations without worrying about little ones.

I suggested that perhaps they could arrange childcare or consider a family trip separately. The responses were mixed.

Some friends agreed with my viewpoint, acknowledging they wanted a break from parenting duties. Others, especially Alex and Sam, seemed hurt and offended, feeling like I was excluding them because of their children.

Amidst the back-and-forth discussions, I started doubting my stance. Am I being inconsiderate by wanting an adults-only vacation, knowing that Alex and Sam have limited opportunities for group trips?

So, AITA? I honestly don't know if I'm wrong here and really need outside perspective.

The Dilemma of Friendship vs. Parenthood

This situation highlights a common tension between friends who are navigating different life stages. The OP, being 28 and planning an adults-only trip, likely envisions a week of relaxation free from the demands of parenting. Meanwhile, the friends with toddlers see this trip as a chance to enjoy a getaway with their kids, which complicates the definition of a vacation.

It’s understandable that those without kids might feel frustrated; they’re seeking a break from family life, while their friends may feel excluded. The emotional stakes are high, as these differing perspectives can lead to feelings of resentment or isolation, especially if parents feel they’re being shut out of social events.

OP’s original plan sounded effortless in his head, until Alex and Sam mentioned “family time” and the toddlers were suddenly part of the itinerary.

Comment from u/PizzaLover_99

NTA - Your friends should respect your vision for the trip, and it's okay to want an adults-only getaway. It's about setting expectations.

Comment from u/Coffee_Queen

YTA - While it's understandable to want an adults-only trip, excluding friends due to their kids can come off as insensitive. Consider finding a middle ground for everyone.

Comment from u/AdventureSeeker88

NTA - It's your trip, and you have the right to set the tone. However, maybe you could discuss compromises to ensure everyone's feelings are considered.

Comment from u/SunnySideUp13

YTA - Expecting friends with kids to leave them behind can be tough. It's essential to find a balance that respects everyone's needs and desires for the trip.

When OP suggested childcare or a separate family trip, Alex and Sam didn’t just disagree, they got hurt and felt excluded.

Comment from u/MusicFanatic42

NTA - You were upfront about your expectations for the trip. It's valid to want an adults-only vacation, and your friends should understand and respect that.

And if the budget fight starts, see how the group handled the “no savings” conflict in Should I Cancel Group Vacation Over Friends Not Saving? AITA?.

Comment from u/StarlightDreamer

ESH - Communication is key. It would have been better to clarify the adults-only aspect earlier in the planning process to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings later.

Comment from u/GamingAddict77

NTA - Your friends should understand your perspective, especially if an adults-only trip was the initial idea. It's about respecting each other's boundaries.

Meanwhile, some friends backed OP’s desire for real downtime, basically validating that everyone wanted a break from parenting mode except the two parents.

Comment from u/BeachBum2021

ESH - While it's okay to desire an adults-only trip, handling the situation with sensitivity and open communication is crucial to avoid conflict and hurt feelings among friends.

Comment from u/SingingSoul85

NTA - It's important to prioritize your own vision for the trip. However, consider discussing the issue further with your friends to find a solution that works for everyone.

Comment from u/TechGeek24

YTA - Expecting friends with children to leave them behind for a trip can be tough. It's essential to approach the situation with understanding and compromise to maintain strong friendships.

By the time the mixed replies kept rolling in, OP was stuck between “it was implied” and “I might have made them feel unwanted,” and that’s where the tension really landed.

We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.

This debate brings to light the unspoken rules of friendship and social gatherings. The OP’s desire for an adults-only trip isn't just about preference; it reflects a broader societal struggle between maintaining friendships and accommodating the realities of parenthood. When friendships evolve, the expectations can become murky.

Interestingly, many readers likely found themselves divided on this issue. Some will empathize with the OP's need for a child-free space, while others might side with the parents wanting inclusion. This push and pull captures the heart of many friendships today—how do you keep connections alive when life paths diverge so significantly?

The Bigger Picture

This story serves as a compelling reminder of the complexities involved in maintaining friendships as life changes. It invites us to consider how we balance personal needs with those of our friends and family. As readers reflect on their own experiences, it raises a question: How do you navigate friendships when life's chapters lead in such different directions?

The Bigger Picture

This situation highlights the tension that often arises when friends with differing life stages interact. The original poster, at 28, was looking for a carefree escape, while Alex and Sam, recently new parents, viewed the trip as a chance for family bonding. Their conflicting perspectives on what a vacation should entail led to hurt feelings, emphasizing how personal expectations can clash in a friendship dynamic. Ultimately, this reflects a broader societal struggle as friendships evolve alongside major life changes.

Nobody’s wrong for wanting a vacation that matches their life, but OP might’ve picked the wrong words to ask for it.

Before you say yes to “just one night,” read about refusing to babysit Alex and Sam’s unruly kids on vacation.