Is it Wrong to Suggest Sharing Parenting Duties for Siblings?

AITA for suggesting my sister let us babysit her youngest sometimes? Sibling favoritism is causing issues between siblings.

Davy

Published in Interesting
14 May 2024

Is it Wrong to Suggest Sharing Parenting Duties for Siblings?

Some families turn “mom-son time” into a delicate balancing act, and this one is cracking fast. OP’s sister, Laine, has two boys, Jake, 6, and Luke, 1, and lately she’s acting like Jake’s feelings are the problem, not the setup.

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Before Luke was born, Laine had a solid routine with Jake, just the two of them bonding. Then Luke arrived, and suddenly that one-on-one time stopped, because Luke “needed” her. But here’s the twist, Laine will gladly send Jake to OP, their parents, or their grandparents so she can get Luke time alone, and when OP offers to babysit Luke so Jake can have his turn, she refuses every time.

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Now Laine is complaining that Jake won’t even look at Luke, and OP is done pretending this is normal.

Original Post

My sister Laine (30f) has two sons: Jake (6) and Luke (1).
She's a single mom, and the boys have two different dads, both of whom are uninvolved. Until Luke was born a year ago, Laine and Jake had their "things" together—mom-son time for them to bond.
Jake loved it, and when it stopped after Luke was born, it really hurt his feelings. Laine told him that mom-son time had to stop now that he had a brother who needed her time.

But where the problem arises is that Laine has no problem sending Jake to me, our parents, or our grandparents while she spends mom-son time with Luke. A few times, we have offered to babysit Luke so she can have time with Jake as well, and she has always said no.
In recent weeks, Laine has been complaining that Jake doesn't seem to like Luke and has shown zero interest in playing with him or interacting with him. She told me Jake refused to sit with Luke when she asked him to so she could get some photos of them, and another day he waited to eat his lunch until she had Luke down for a nap, even though she knew he was hungry.
She told me Jake won't even touch Luke or look at him. I asked her if she felt like it might be jealousy because Luke gets time with her alone when Jake doesn't.

She said no. I told her Jake had asked for mom-son time with her, and she said no.
She told me it's because he's a big boy and Luke is a baby. I told her Jake was still her baby too and deserved her time just as much as Luke.
She asked what she would do with Luke, and I told her we'd offered to babysit so she could have time with Jake, just like we do with Jake and did even when he was a baby.

She told me it wasn't happening. A few days ago, she started complaining again about Jake not paying any attention to Luke and acting resentful toward him.
I told her I explained how she could help with that, and she ignored me. She told me I gave her no valid advice.
I said I had, and she ignored it.

I told her she needs to let us babysit Luke sometimes, or Jake is going to continue feeling replaced and resentful, and she'll push him away and never successfully get him to bond with Luke. She told me I had no right to tell her what to do and f**k me because I'm still a kid (21) and don't need to interfere in her parenting.
AITA?

The dynamics between siblings in parenting often reflect deeper family patterns and relationships.

Comment from u/Afraid-Scallion-7884

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Comment from u/Frankensteins_Kid

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It all started when Laine told Jake mom-son time had to stop after Luke was born, even though she kept getting alone time with Luke by sending Jake away.

Studies indicate that when one sibling feels favored, it can lead to feelings of resentment and inadequacy, disrupting family harmony.

Understanding these dynamics can help parents make informed decisions about the equitable sharing of responsibilities.