Keeping Inheritance - AITA for Keeping My Share Of My Parents' Apartment

Some inheritance stories are about money. This one is about getting handed the same treatment your whole childhood taught you to expect, then watching it turn into a legal paperwork problem.

OP, a 24-year-old woman in Tallinn, grew up unwanted, living in hand-me-downs while her mother’s new partner got everything, including a brand-new life and a “long-awaited son” who never had to ask twice. Years later, their shared apartment is being sold, her brother is getting a BMW for turning 18, and then OP’s mother drops the bomb that their father has been dead for a while.

Now OP owns 50% of the apartment because of a will, and the real fight is about whether her mother expects her to just give it up.

Original Post

Hi - this is a burner account, for obvious reasons. I will try to keep it short.

Backstory - I (24F) had a pretty difficult childhood. Even though I was never hungry, I was the unwanted child wearing second-hand clothes, and everything I owned was hand-me-downs. My last memory of my father was when I was around 6 or 7; my parents were screaming at each other, and that was the last time I saw my father.

My mother already had a new partner, and not long after giving birth to the long-awaited son, he got everything: name-brand clothes, new phones, and even if my parents wanted to say no, he cried and still got what he wanted. Today, I live in a rental apartment in Tallinn (Estonia), and my mother sometimes calls me. I sometimes visit if I want to see my friends who are still in my hometown.

Quite recently, my brother (17) told me that our mother and his father bought a house. They are going to sell the apartment, and even though most of the money from selling the place will go to renovating the house, they will buy him a car (BMW!!!) for his 18th birthday! I pretended that I was happy for him; it’s not his fault he was spoiled.

(It hurt me; I never even got a new bicycle.)

A few weeks later, my mother called me and told me she was sad to inform me that my father had passed away quite some time ago. She wanted to contact him about selling the apartment and found out that he was no longer with us; his sister will send the death certificate from Finland, his home country where he went back. (No wonder I never found anything about him.)

My mother found a buyer for the apartment, and when she sent the death certificate to the notary, they informed her that there was a will made by him, leaving everything he owned in Estonia to me!

(They did not inform me before, as they had no information about his death.) Suddenly, I owned 50% of my parents' apartment, as they acquired it together long before I was born. My mother explained to me that I should gift my share to her, as he paid no child support and she raised me alone!

(Which is not even true; my stepfather was there my whole life.)

I told her that I might use my share as a down payment for my own home in Tallinn. Suddenly, both my brother and mother are mad at me.

When I pointed out that my brother bragged about a car, my mother explained to me how I am an adult now living my own life, and I should not expect my parents' support at the age of 24! When she was my age, she was completely independent.

Taking 50% would mean they can't even finish all the renovations they started in the house. My brother keeps sending me messages that I am selfish and don't care that it was his home too.

They are really mad at me. I am not asking for advice; I will take my 50%. I am asking if that makes me an A.

AITA? Edit: Update When I arrived home, there was a message from the notary that the handwritten will (will as attachment) my mother sent him is not legal anymore, as those have to be renewed every six months.

Long story short - it does sound like my father scammed my mother to avoid child support and give the apartment to me! It turns out he made a handwritten will in 2006 stating that he would leave the whole apartment he bought during his marriage to my mother, and it should cover child support.

A few months later, he made a will at the notary stating that he would leave his part of the apartment to me (in marriage, it is automatically 50-50). It turns out that anyone can make a new will anytime they want.

I still don't change my mind... so AITA?

The issue of inheritance brings to light profound emotional complexities, particularly in the context of family dynamics. In this case, the user recounts her feelings of being the overlooked child, which adds layers to the conflict surrounding her share of the apartment. Her sibling's privileged treatment has likely fostered a sense of entitlement that complicates their relationship.

The article highlights how sibling rivalries can reignite when financial matters are at stake, emphasizing that past grievances often resurface during such emotionally charged situations. This family dispute over the apartment is not merely about property but rather about recognition and validation stemming from their childhood experiences.

Comment from u/barkingmeowad

Comment from u/SlappySlapsticker

OP is still trying to pretend she’s happy for her spoiled brother, even though she never got a new bicycle, and the apartment news hits right on top of that.</p>

When individuals feel pressured by familial expectations, they can experience cognitive dissonance, a psychological phenomenon where one's behaviors and beliefs are in conflict. This struggle can lead to anxiety and resentment.

Understanding these dynamics can facilitate healthier conversations about inheritance and financial decisions.

Comment from u/compiledexploit

Comment from u/Bitter-Paramedic-531

The situation presented by the 24-year-old woman regarding her inheritance from her parents highlights the critical need for individuals to establish boundaries when it comes to financial matters within families. The emotional turmoil she experienced growing up, feeling overshadowed by her sibling, adds layers to her current predicament.

Furthermore, the narrative emphasizes the importance of open discussions about inheritance. By addressing intentions and expectations upfront, families can foster a more transparent environment, which can lead to decreased resentment and misunderstandings. In this case, the woman's choice to keep her share of the apartment could serve as a powerful statement about her need for validation and recognition within her family, rather than merely a financial decision.

Comment from u/PM_ME_YOUR_TITS80085

Comment from u/Id_rather_be_sewing

Comment from u/Salt-Mixture-1093

Comment from u/FabledInkk

When OP finds out her father died and the death certificate only reaches the notary after the buyer is already lined up, it turns a family secret into a contract problem overnight.</p>

Also, this rent fight echoes a roommate dispute where a partner’s long stay triggers a rent increase demand.

Emotional Resilience in Decision-Making

Building emotional resilience is crucial when dealing with inheritance issues.

Comment from u/Beneficial_Wonder882

Comment from u/Rainbowbright31

Moreover, recognizing the emotional weight of financial decisions can empower individuals to approach these issues with greater clarity. Acknowledging feelings of guilt or obligation can facilitate healthier discussions about inheritance and financial responsibilities.

Comment from u/pretty_pregnant_lady

Comment from u/Dramatic_Broccoli_91

That’s when the will makes OP the owner of 50% of the apartment they acquired together, and her mother immediately tries to steer the outcome by asking her to gift her share.</p>

Cultural Perspectives on Inheritance

Different cultural backgrounds can heavily influence beliefs about inheritance and financial expectations.

Comment from u/AltruisticLime27

Comment from u/Zorbie

How would you handle this situation? Let us know in the comments.

Comment from u/ArtAntique2655

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Comment from u/JKristiina

Comment from u/TinyIady

Comment from u/Simple_Assumption577

Comment from u/Lloytron

With the brother’s BMW plans, the apartment sale, and OP’s sudden ownership all tied together, her mother’s request lands like one more “you don’t get anything” moment.</p>

In this case, the complexities of inheritance reveal deeper family dynamics that extend beyond mere financial considerations.

OP might be getting half the apartment on paper, but she’s about to find out what her family thinks that actually means.

For another “don’t make my life about you” fight, read about a woman refusing to share pregnancy cravings after her sister demands attention.