Psychologists Reveal 10 Adult Behaviors That Can Be Traced To A Compliment-Starved Childhood

Parenting is no walk in the park. From diaper disasters to teenage tantrums, every stage comes with its own set of challenges. Add to that the endless stream of parenting advice from every direction—experts, friends, in-laws, and yes, the internet—and it's easy to feel overwhelmed.

While no one expects parents to be perfect, there’s one seemingly small thing that can make a huge difference in a child’s future: compliments.

That’s right. While the simple act of praising your child might seem like a routine part of daily life, it plays a major role in shaping who they become as adults. 

Now, before you roll your eyes and think, "Great, one more thing to worry about," hang tight—this isn’t about turning your kids into ego-maniacs or applauding every single move they make. It’s about fostering a sense of self-worth that will carry them through life. 

It might sound insignificant, but psychologists agree that regular compliments during childhood play a pivotal role in shaping emotionally healthy, confident adults. 

On the flip side, the absence of those little affirmations can leave lasting scars. These scars may not be visible at first glance, but they surface later in life in ways that are tough to overcome.

So, if you’re a parent, soon-to-be parent, or just curious about human behavior, let’s take a closer look at ten traits that adults may develop when they rarely receive praise as kids.

Words have the power to shape who we are

1. Validation junkie

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Interestingly, some adults who lacked compliments as children may constantly seek validation. They may go to great lengths to earn praise they never received, often prioritizing others' approval over their happiness.

Sadly, this external validation doesn’t always satisfy the deeper emotional need for self-worth.

Dr. Carol Dweck, a prominent psychologist known for her work on mindset, illustrates the importance of a growth mindset in overcoming the effects of a compliment-starved upbringing. She notes that children who receive constructive praise are more likely to embrace challenges and learn from failures.

To foster this mindset, parents should focus on praising effort rather than inherent traits. For instance, saying, 'I’m proud of how hard you worked on that project' can encourage children to view challenges as opportunities for growth, rather than threats to their self-worth.

2. Low Self-Esteem

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According to Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, adults who weren’t complimented as children often struggle with low self-esteem. Without positive reinforcement during their formative years, they may feel inadequate or incapable of success. Compliments help children understand their value, and without them, self-worth can take a serious hit.

3. Difficulty accepting compliments

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The Impact of Compliments

Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, a renowned positive psychology researcher, emphasizes that receiving compliments as a child can significantly influence self-esteem and overall well-being later in life. Her research indicates that positive reinforcement shapes the brain’s reward systems, making individuals more resilient to stress and adversity.

Children who grow up in compliment-rich environments tend to develop healthier self-concepts and stronger social relationships. Fredrickson argues that parents can actively cultivate this environment by making a habit of recognizing their child's efforts and achievements, thus laying a foundation for future emotional health.

Adults who weren’t praised as kids often have a hard time believing they deserve recognition. Compliments might make them feel uncomfortable, awkward, or even undeserving.

4. Social anxiety and lone wolf vibes

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Have you ever tried placing your order at a restaurant and blurted it out all wrong from the sheer weight of having to interact with another human being? That awkwardness could be traced back to childhood. 

Dr. Connally Barry explains that children who don’t receive compliments often struggle with social interactions as adults. This may lead to awkward or strained relationships, which can make it hard to form lasting connections.

5. Perpetual pessimistic outlook

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When all you hear as a child are criticisms, it’s easy to grow up seeing the glass as half-empty. While pessimism can be partly genetic, Dr. Wendy Walsh notes that a lack of balance between criticism and praise can lead to an overly negative worldview. 

If flaws are constantly pointed out without acknowledging strengths, adulthood may be viewed through a fog of cynicism.

6. Downplaying accomplishments or personal wins

A relationship expert noted that a lack of verbal affirmation in childhood often leads to adults struggling with self-worth. This can manifest in various ways, such as seeking validation from others or feeling unworthy of love and respect.

To mitigate these issues, a proactive approach is essential. Engaging in self-affirmation exercises can help individuals rebuild their self-esteem. Journaling about personal achievements and practicing daily affirmations can serve as powerful tools for cultivating a positive self-image, fostering a sense of worthiness that may have been undermined in their formative years.

If you never learned to accept compliments, celebrating your own accomplishments becomes even harder. Dr. Lira de la Rosa explains that adults who weren’t praised as children may struggle to acknowledge their own successes. 

They often end up setting impossibly high standards for themselves and rarely feel satisfied.

7. Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships

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Perhaps the most heartbreaking consequence is how these adults navigate intimate or friendly relationships. Dr. Walsh notes that people who weren’t praised or adored as children may unconsciously seek friends or partners who treat them similarly. 

They might accept less than they deserve, struggle with boundaries, and find it hard to believe that someone could truly love them for who they are.

8. Perfectionist mindset

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For some, the absence of compliments in childhood fuels an unhealthy drive for perfection. They may push themselves to excel in every aspect of life, believing that only perfection will earn them the recognition they missed out on as kids. 

Unfortunately, this can lead to anxiety, burnout, and a perpetual sense of not being “good enough.”

9. No sense of motivation

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Long-Term Effects of Neglect

Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher in relationship dynamics, explains that childhood experiences of emotional neglect can lead to difficulties in adult relationships. He notes that individuals who weren’t regularly praised might struggle with expressing emotions or recognizing their partner's needs.

Gottman suggests that creating a habit of expressing appreciation in adult relationships can help counteract this. He recommends using the '5:1 ratio'—for every negative interaction, aim for five positive ones. This practice can transform relational dynamics, promoting healthier communication and emotional connection.

What’s the point of trying if no one notices? This sentiment can develop when children aren’t praised for their efforts. 

Dr. Barry highlights that adults who didn’t receive recognition in childhood often struggle to find motivation, believing that no matter what they do, it won’t be enough. This mindset can stifle personal and professional growth.

10. Overly-sensitive to feedback

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Constructive criticism is a part of life, but for this particular set of adults, it can feel like a personal attack. Instead of seeing criticism as a chance to improve, they may view it as confirmation that their efforts will never amount to anything.

So, if you’re a parent, it’s worth remembering: compliments are not just about making your child feel good in the moment—they’re about shaping their sense of self for a lifetime. Praise is free, and the benefits are priceless.

Solutions & Coping Strategies

The insights from experts like Dr. Fredrickson, Dr. Gottman, and Dr. Dweck illuminate the profound influence that early experiences with compliments have on adult behavior. Research consistently shows that positive reinforcement shapes not just self-esteem, but also relationship dynamics and emotional resilience.

By understanding these connections, parents and caregivers can take proactive steps to cultivate an environment rich in affirmation and support. As these experts suggest, small actions like consistent praise and positive communication can create lasting impacts, enabling children to grow into confident, well-rounded adults.