Grandma Scolds Mom For Not Teaching Her Grandson Their Native Language, Gets Angry After Being Told Off

Children who don't speak English as their first language arrive at English schools with skills and aptitudes comparable to those of native English speakers. Additionally, these children can speak a second language, which will benefit them throughout their lives if they receive the right support.

Children from multilingual backgrounds will learn to read, write, and speak English at school. However, these children face the risk of losing their native tongue and, with it, the advantages of being bilingual unless parents and educators actively promote its preservation.

Essential connections to family and other community members may be lost if the native tongue is not preserved. Parents can prepare their children to communicate with the native language community by encouraging them to utilize the language, which is what the OP did.

When OP's son was little, she spoke to him in Turkish to raise him as a bilingual child. As a young child, he learned quickly and was fluent, but as he grew older, he stopped “liking” Turkish.

OP thought this was just a phase of rebellion and that he would get over it soon, especially since he is much closer to his non-Turkish-speaking father than to her. The OP was mistaken, as her son refused to utter anything in Turkish as he grew older.

OP's family back in Turkey is quite poor, so they never visited her family to teach her son to value the culture more. When they did come, it was a different story altogether, and you can read all about it below.

The OP writes

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As OP's son grew older, he stopped “liking” Turkish

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She can scold the OP all she wants over it, but leave her child alone

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Cultural Expectations and Parenting

Intergenerational conflicts often arise when cultural expectations clash with modern parenting choices. In this case, the grandmother's desire to pass on the native language reflects a deep-rooted cultural value, while the mother's response highlights a desire for autonomy in her parenting. Research in cultural psychology shows that individuals often navigate these tensions by balancing their heritage with personal beliefs. A study published in the Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology emphasizes the importance of cultural continuity in fostering identity.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:

I could be TA because I may have invalidated my mom’s frustrations here and did boss her around.

And the comments from other Redditors roll in...

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The OP needs to talk with her mom

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It goes both ways, actually

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This situation illustrates the complexity of identity formation in multicultural families. A developmental psychologist notes that children benefit from exposure to multiple languages and cultures, as it enhances cognitive flexibility and cultural awareness. Studies indicate that bilingualism can lead to improved academic performance and social skills. Encouraging the mother to consider the potential advantages of teaching the language may help bridge the generational gap.

From a Redditor who is very conflicted

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OP reveals more in the comments

My husband’s family has been in the US ever since the British started colonizing the place and has a long history of serving the country. All history my son is very proud of.He does care about his Turkish heritage a bit, but in the environment my husband and I are raising him, I can understand why my son is more connected with his father’s heritage.

This Redditor understands the mother's alarm

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Benefits of learning your native language

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The Importance of Respecting Family Heritage

Respecting family heritage is crucial for maintaining cultural connections. Dr. Michele Gelfand, a cultural psychologist, emphasizes that "cultural heritage plays a vital role in shaping our identities and fostering a sense of belonging." Engaging with one's cultural roots can significantly enhance psychological well-being. According to her insights on her professional website, individuals who actively connect with their heritage often experience improved mental health and a stronger sense of self.

This Redditor came from an immigrant family

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Having a Turk American friend

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She's putting her own needs first

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Encouraging the mother to engage in discussions with her mother about the benefits of teaching the language could foster understanding. Techniques such as active listening and empathy can help mitigate conflicts and promote mutual respect. Additionally, suggesting family activities that celebrate their culture may create opportunities for bonding and language exposure.

A child's identity is strongly influenced by their first language. Maintaining this language fosters a positive self-concept in the child by teaching them to cherish their culture and ancestry, but OP's son lost interest along the way, which is nobody's fault.

Redditors were of the opinion that OP's parents aren't staying with her and her husband, so her mom has no right to tell her what to do in her own home. Eventually, she was declared not the AH.

Navigating Generational Differences

Generational differences often influence how families approach parenting and cultural transmission. Studies show that younger generations may prioritize individualism over collectivism, leading to friction with older family members. A study published in the Journal of Family Issues emphasizes the importance of finding common ground to navigate these differences effectively.

Psychological Analysis

This scenario highlights a common generational conflict where cultural expectations clash with modern parenting practices. Encouraging dialogue about the importance of cultural heritage can foster understanding and appreciation between family members. It's essential to find a balance that respects both the grandmother's desires and the mother's autonomy.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Navigating the complexities of cultural expectations and family dynamics requires open communication and mutual respect. By fostering discussions around cultural heritage, families can create supportive environments that honor both tradition and personal choices. Ultimately, recognizing the value of cultural identity can enhance family relationships and individual well-being.