Her Roommate Won’t Flush, Clean, Or Cook — Now This Redditor Has Finally Had Enough

When she first moved in with her new roommate eight months ago, everything seemed fine. That was until her roommate’s mother gave her one of the most unusual roommate requests ever — to wake her daughter up every morning and “be patient” with her messy habits.

According to the mother, her daughter had bladder and digestive issues, so she tended to be a bit “spoiled.” The Redditor thought it was strange but agreed, assuming it was just a harmless favor to help someone with health struggles adjust to university life.

But things quickly spiraled from “quirky roommate habits” to full-on chaos. Her roommate stopped doing the dishes, refused to clean up after herself, and even forgot to flush the toilet.

At first, the Redditor tried to be understanding — maybe it was just an off week. But after months of reminders, the pattern stayed the same: dishes piled up, crumbs gathered, and the apartment started to smell like a science experiment gone wrong.

The worst part? Her roommate had a bizarre habit of throwing leftover food down the sink. It clogged constantly and gave off an odor that made coming home after class feel like walking into a compost bin.

When she wasn’t blocking the sink, she was destroying the couch. Her roommate would eat meals on it, leave food directly on the fabric, and walk away like it wasn’t a problem — leaving greasy stains that never quite came out.

Every time the Redditor pointed it out, her roommate would apologize and promise to do better. Then the very next day, she’d do the same thing again, as if their conversation never happened.

Over time, the Redditor’s patience wore thinner than the sponge she’d been using to clean up someone else’s mess. It wasn’t just about the chores — it was the constant feeling of being responsible for an adult who refused to act like one.

Even her roommate’s mom had set the tone early, calling before move-in day to warn that her daughter needed “extra care.” But somehow that “extra care” turned into being a part-time maid, alarm clock, and unofficial life coach — none of which she had signed up for.

What made it worse was that her own parents, who originally thought the roommate was lazy, changed their tune. They started suggesting she should “be more patient” and “understand the poor girl’s illness.”

The Redditor tried, truly. She’d been patient for eight months — washing the dishes, cleaning up spills, unclogging the sink, and waking her roommate up every single morning. But at some point, compassion turned into exhaustion, and understanding started to look a lot like being taken advantage of.

As a university student herself, she already had a full schedule of classes and assignments. Coming home to a mess — and the smell that came with it — was draining, not to mention completely unfair.

She couldn’t shake the feeling that her roommate’s illness was being used as an excuse for bad behavior. Being sick doesn’t mean you get a free pass to ignore basic hygiene or make someone else clean up after you.

Now she’s stuck in an awkward position — feeling guilty for being frustrated, but also completely fed up. She doesn’t want to be cruel or dismissive, but she also knows she deserves a livable home.

After months of waking her roommate up, cleaning the apartment, and dealing with stains and smells, she’s reached her breaking point. And she can’t help but wonder — is she wrong for finally losing her patience?

Coming home to a mess — and the smell that came with it — was draining.

AI-generated image

Here's the original post by Reddit user 'Opening-Chip-9791'.

I have lived with my roommate for over 8months now, her lowkey helicopter mother told me beforehand that because of her illness(bladder/ digestive problems) she let her be a little spoiled and would just cleaned up after her and asked for me to be patient with her lack of cleanliness and to wake her up everyday? now that i think abt it idk why i agreed but i was like "kind of a weird thing to ask me but sure i guess", but i didn't think it was gonna be an issue until i actually saw it. She wouldn't do the dishes, clean up after herself, flush the toilet, or basically any shared housework unless i specifically reminded her (and it gets a little tiring after months of that), she also had a weird habit of throwing food down the sink and ot starts smelling real bad if i wait for her to clean it up. She would also have terrible table manners and would leave food directly on the couch and stain it then leave it as it is, which was pretty darn difficult to get off since the couch was made of fabric. But whenever i point it out, at first she says she'll stop but the next day i find her doing the same thing. Now my own parents were aware of all that and at first they were also pissed, but lately they've been telling me that my roommate was just very ill and i should be patient but honestly i don't care i don't think being ill justifies her making a mess around and me having to be patient, waking her up everyday and still cleaning up after her? Btw, for context we're both uni students but she barely attends any classes so im ngl after coming back from my classes to a mess and weird odors, its not the best feeling out there but i might be overreacting. AITA?

Navigating Roommate Dynamics

Conflict between roommates is a common issue, and understanding its roots can help in resolving disputes. Psychology Today highlights that personal habits and differing lifestyles can clash, especially when communication fails.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship researcher, emphasizes the importance of open dialogue and setting clear expectations early on. In this case, discussing cleaning duties and shared responsibilities may alleviate frustrations.

By establishing regular check-ins, roommates can foster a respectful living environment that accommodates both parties’ needs and preferences.

Here's how the Reddit community reacted.

Reddit u/Mrs_Weaver

"Find a new roommate."

Reddit u/Anonymous_Sad_Person

Living with a roommate often requires compromise and negotiation. A family therapist suggests that creating a cleaning schedule can help define responsibilities and set clear expectations.

Regular discussions about household chores and personal boundaries can prevent resentment from building up. Additionally, utilizing shared apps for tracking cleaning tasks can keep everyone accountable.

Involving both parties in establishing a routine can lead to a more harmonious living situation, ultimately benefiting both roommates' mental well-being.

"Move out ASAP."

Reddit u/TeenySod

NTA.

Reddit u/Brilliant_Style6105

"You shouldn't have to live this way."

Reddit u/NewWayHom

Communication is Key

Experts in conflict resolution stress that open communication is crucial to avoiding misunderstandings. Dr. Harriet Lerner, a psychologist and author, states that sharing feelings and expectations directly can lead to healthier relationships.

In situations like this, expressing feelings about cleanliness and shared responsibilities can help the roommate understand the impact of her actions.

Using ‘I’ statements, such as 'I feel overwhelmed when the apartment is messy,’ can reduce defensiveness and promote a more productive conversation.

"This is not on you to fix."

Reddit u/jx1854

"She should have stayed home."

Reddit u/BxBae133

"Disgusting."

Reddit u/Usual_Equivalent_888

It’s essential to recognize the underlying issues causing conflict in shared living situations. A relationship expert explains that emotional support can sometimes lead to enabling unhealthy behaviors, complicating roommate dynamics.

In this case, the Redditor’s initial agreement to accommodate her roommate’s needs may have inadvertently fostered dependency.

Experts suggest balancing empathy with the need for personal boundaries. Setting limits while still being supportive can lead to a healthier living environment for both individuals involved.

"A messed up combo."

Reddit u/capmanor1755

Absolutely not!

Reddit u/Upset-Donut-882

"She shouldn't be living in student accommodation."

Reddit u/Fioreborn

Setting Boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries is crucial in any roommate situation. Dr. Brene Brown, a researcher on vulnerability and boundaries, emphasizes that setting limits can foster trust and respect.

In this scenario, the Redditor might benefit from drafting a roommate agreement that outlines responsibilities and expectations regarding cleanliness and shared chores. This formalized approach can provide a sense of accountability and encourage both roommates to uphold their commitments.

Regularly revisiting this agreement can also ensure it remains relevant and effective for both parties.

"She's just spoiled."

Reddit u/Over_Fold_4029

She's making excuses for being lazy.

Reddit u/Nyx-by-night

"She needs to stay with her mother."

Reddit u/CheeSupreme1743

Conflict in shared living situations often arises from unmet expectations and poor communication. A relationship counselor notes that discussing each person's needs and preferences upfront can prevent misunderstandings.

In this case, having a candid conversation about daily routines, including cooking and cleaning, could help clarify responsibilities.

By establishing mutual agreements on these matters, roommates can cultivate a more supportive and cooperative environment that minimizes conflict and fosters better communication.

"There is no illness that prevents her from flushing the toilet."

Reddit u/SaucyGooner79

In the end, the OP is not trying to be heartless — she just wants basic respect and a livable space. Compassion has its limits, and sometimes “being patient” turns into being walked all over.

Now she’s left wondering if it’s time to move out, set boundaries, or finally tell her roommate’s mom that she’s retired from the role of unofficial caretaker. Because at this point, all she really wants is a clean sink, a flushed toilet, and a little peace after class.

Expert Opinion

This situation highlights the psychological concept of boundary-setting, which is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships. The Redditor's roommate seems to be relying on the goodwill and patience of others, possibly due to being coddled by her mother, leading to behaviors that can easily be perceived as selfish or irresponsible. It’s essential for the Redditor to assert her needs and establish limits, as neglecting her own well-being for the sake of compassion can lead to resentment and burnout.

Building Healthier Patterns

Effective communication and setting clear expectations are vital in maintaining harmony in shared living spaces. Research shows that establishing boundaries and responsibilities can significantly reduce conflicts.

As Dr. John Gottman highlights, open dialogue and regular check-ins help roommates navigate their differences and foster a respectful relationship. Finding a balance between empathy and necessary limits ultimately leads to improved living conditions for all involved. In the end, a little effort in communication can go a long way in creating a positive living environment.