Redditor Considers Leaving Their Disabled, Bedridden Mom Because of Constant Abuse from Her and Their Brother

A 28-year-old Redditor hit a breaking point after constant abuse from the one person they were supposed to be caring for, their disabled, bedridden mom. The situation was not just mean comments or occasional cruelty, it was a nonstop grind that dragged OP’s days into fear, guilt, and control.

To make it even uglier, OP’s brother was not exactly a safe landing spot. He piled on emotional abuse, mocked OP for having autism, and even had a scary habit of being irresponsible with his weapons. Throw in their mom’s manipulative behavior and the fact that everyone involved is disabled with neurological issues, and you get a family mess that feels impossible to untangle.

OP’s partner offered an escape, and that’s when the real question hit: could OP leave without being the villain?

OP and Their Mom Are Both Disabled with Neurological Issues

u/StayorGo_ThrowRA

OP's Mom Is Abusive and Manipulative

u/StayorGo_ThrowRA

OP's Brother Isn't Much Better Since He's Also Been Emotionally Abusive Towards OP

u/StayorGo_ThrowRA

OP’s mom can’t exactly “just get better,” but the abuse still keeps rolling, and the guilt never stops.

Considering leaving an abusive relationship, especially one involving family, is a complex and emotionally charged decision. Research in family systems theory indicates that abusive dynamics often perpetuate cycles of trauma and dysfunction.

The Brother Is Also Irresponsible with His Weapons

u/StayorGo_ThrowRA

The Brother Used to Make Fun of OP for Their Autism

u/StayorGo_ThrowRA

OP's Partner Offered Them an Escape from the Awful Situation

u/StayorGo_ThrowRA

Then OP’s brother chimes in with more emotional cruelty, including the autism jokes that cut way deeper than he admits.

This situation illustrates the psychological phenomenon of 'trauma bonding,' where individuals feel an emotional attachment to their abuser, often leading to a cycle of abuse and forgiveness.

The first step in this process often involves acknowledging the harmful patterns and seeking support to navigate the complexities of leaving.

It also echoes the WIBTA debate where OP weighed declining their parents’ housing-crisis move-in demand.

OP Decided That It's Time to Let Go and Focus on Themselves

u/StayorGo_ThrowRA

A Nightmare Brother

u/Walktothebrook

As Simple as That

u/Opposite-Guide-9925

When OP’s partner offers a way out to another state, the “escape plan” suddenly turns into a moral trap.

Seeking Support and Resources

Individuals in abusive situations can benefit greatly from seeking help from mental health professionals.

The Pets Aren't Safe Either

u/ComprehensiveBand586

Live Your Own Life

u/Bookworm8985

A Life Away from Abuse

u/MNgirl83

Even the pets get dragged into the chaos, so leaving is not just about OP, it’s about who gets left behind.

Furthermore, establishing a safety plan is crucial for individuals considering leaving an abusive situation.

The big question here is: would OP be the "a**hole" if they left their abusive but disabled mother to live in a different state with their partner? The people of Reddit answered this question with a resounding "no."

Caregiving is an intense and emotionally demanding role. The situation becomes even more challenging when abuse is involved. OP's first duty is to their well-being and mental health.

Caring for an abusive family member, while commendable in its own right, can take an immense toll on an individual. OP needs to consider their own life, happiness, and safety as a priority.

The dilemma faced by the Redditor highlights the devastating effects of abuse within family dynamics, particularly when intertwined with caregiving responsibilities. The constant mistreatment from both the mother and brother creates an environment that erodes the OP's mental health, making the option of leaving increasingly appealing yet fraught with guilt. This scenario exemplifies the difficult choices many individuals confront when their sense of duty clashes with their need for personal safety and well-being.

In navigating this turmoil, it is crucial for the OP to seek support systems that can provide guidance and help formulate a safety plan. Recognizing the abusive patterns that have emerged is a significant step toward reclaiming autonomy. By accessing appropriate resources, they can begin to pave a path toward healing and potentially break free from the cycle of toxicity that has defined their family interactions.

OP isn’t abandoning anyone, they’re finally trying to live somewhere their life is not a daily punishment.

Before you decide, read about an AITA where someone rejected their parents’ move-in request during a housing crisis.