Redditor Considers Leaving Their Disabled, Bedridden Mom Because of Constant Abuse from Her and Their Brother

Life often presents us with complex choices where we're torn between our well-being and responsibilities to family members, especially when dealing with abusive relationships. In this Reddit story, OP finds themselves at a crossroads, grappling with a difficult decision that many of us may empathize with.

The tale begins with OP, who, along with their mom, faces the challenges of neurological disabilities. Despite their struggles, OP has become the primary caregiver for their mother.

The situation becomes even more complex when an older brother and his partner move in to offer support. However, their contribution appears to be minimal, often causing more disorder than assistance, which adds to OP's already significant caregiving load.

Things take a challenging twist as OP's mother, whom they describe as emotionally abusive and manipulative, suffers a heart attack, leaving her bedridden. In a bid to alleviate the situation, OP's older brother and his partner step in to provide some assistance, but their efforts seem far from aligning with what is truly needed.

The story becomes even more complex when family dynamics turn abusive. OP's brother, in addition to providing minimal caregiving support, exhibits distressing behavior.

His emotional abuse towards OP seems to have lessened recently, but his attitude remains concerning. OP describes moments when standing up to their mother in the presence of their brother leads to threats and intimidation.

The complexities don't end there. Their brother has historically bullied OP over their autism, though this has diminished since it became an officially recognized diagnosis.

OP is not only caught in a difficult caregiving situation but also faces emotional and even physical abuse from their family members. Through all this turmoil, OP's partner offers an opportunity for change.

They have been together for nearly five years and invite OP to move to another state to start afresh. However, this decision isn't straightforward.

If OP leaves, their disabled mother will not receive care. The guilt of potential neglect hangs heavily, and the thought of their mother passing away without proper care weighs on their conscience.

OP and Their Mom Are Both Disabled with Neurological Issues

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OP's Mom Is Abusive and Manipulative

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OP's Brother Isn't Much Better Since He's Also Been Emotionally Abusive Towards OP

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The Impact of Abuse on Family Relationships

Considering leaving an abusive relationship, especially one involving family, is a complex and emotionally charged decision. Research in family systems theory indicates that abusive dynamics often perpetuate cycles of trauma and dysfunction.

According to the Journal of Family Psychology, individuals in abusive situations may experience feelings of guilt or obligation, making it challenging to break free from harmful relationships.

The Brother Is Also Irresponsible with His Weapons

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The Brother Used to Make Fun of OP for Their Autism

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OP's Partner Offered Them an Escape from the Awful Situation

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This situation illustrates the psychological phenomenon of 'trauma bonding,' where individuals feel an emotional attachment to their abuser, often leading to a cycle of abuse and forgiveness. Studies suggest that recognizing and understanding these bonds is crucial for individuals seeking to break free from toxic relationships.

The first step in this process often involves acknowledging the harmful patterns and seeking support to navigate the complexities of leaving.

OP Decided That It's Time to Let Go and Focus on Themselves

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A Nightmare Brother

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As Simple as That

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Seeking Support and Resources

Individuals in abusive situations can benefit greatly from seeking help from mental health professionals. Research indicates that therapy can provide essential tools for individuals to process their experiences and develop strategies for leaving abusive relationships.

Support groups can also play a critical role in this process, offering validation and shared experiences that can empower individuals to take action.

The Pets Aren't Safe Either

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Live Your Own Life

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A Life Away from Abuse

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Furthermore, establishing a safety plan is crucial for individuals considering leaving an abusive situation. Studies emphasize the importance of having a well-thought-out plan to ensure safety during the transition, as this can significantly reduce risks associated with leaving.

By proactively planning and seeking support, individuals can create a pathway toward healing and recovery.

The big question here is: would OP be the "a**hole" if they left their abusive but disabled mother to live in a different state with their partner? The people of Reddit answered this question with a resounding "no."

Caregiving is an intense and emotionally demanding role. The situation becomes even more challenging when abuse is involved. OP's first duty is to their well-being and mental health.

Caring for an abusive family member, while commendable in its own right, can take an immense toll on an individual. OP needs to consider their own life, happiness, and safety as a priority.

Psychological Analysis

The decision to consider leaving a disabled, abusive family member reflects a significant struggle many face in toxic family dynamics. It's essential to understand that prioritizing one's safety and mental health is crucial in these situations.

Encouraging individuals to seek support and create a safety plan can facilitate their journey toward healing and recovery.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

This situation underscores the profound impact of abuse on family dynamics and the complexities of breaking free from harmful relationships. Seeking support and establishing safety plans are vital steps in this process.

Ultimately, recognizing the patterns of abuse and accessing resources can empower individuals to reclaim their autonomy and promote healing.