Lesbian Couples Share Their Stories About How They Decided Who Would Get Pregnant
Lesbians decide on various factors about which wife should bear the child first.
Choosing whether or not to have a child is one of the most significant and life-changing decisions you will ever make. It's a decision that will have a considerable impact on your life.
From the emotional to the economic, starting a family affects everything. As a result, making this selection is never simple. However, in particular families, the same option is fraught with complications.
Some lesbian couples, for example, must decide who will carry the child. This is the dilemma that Reddit's lesbian parents pondered in a viral thread on r/AskReddit.
They discussed how they chose which partner would become pregnant. The stories are as moving as they are educational.
After a child is born, neither parent's life is the same. The birthing parent deals with a physical transition and a new infant to bond with.
Couples can also choose from non-pregnancy options. They could, for example, decide to adopt or foster a child.
Even though we live in a considerably more tolerant society than in the past, same-sex couples still confront hurdles, and discrimination against lesbian couples is possible. As a result, motherhood may be more challenging for them.
There's also the financial aspect to consider. Couples can require tens of thousands of dollars for fertility treatments. If you're a parent who identifies as LGBTQ+, tell us about your experience in the comments.
1. Now this is a nice way to decide.
My wife and I are good friends with a lesbian couple who had one carry the baby while they used the other's egg. Since one carried and the other is genetically the mother, they each have a special attachment to the baby. I thought it was really neat.
u/DarkCommanderAJ2. Good way to go by it as well.
My friends decided based on who had the best maternity leave package. Practical!
u/DarkCommanderAJ3. Lucky they got twins.
My wife is 9 years older and really wanted biological kids. Our plan was that she’d have one, then I’d have one a few years later with the same donor. BUT she had twins, and we don’t want more than two kids, so I got off easy! :p
u/DarkCommanderAJ
4. Preventing genetic disorder.
A good friend from college is married with a kid on the way. I asked her, and she said it came down to genetics—my friend's wife is BRCA positive (the breast cancer gene), so they agreed my friend should be the biological mother to prevent their kid from having to worry about it.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
5. The one who cried.
My lesbian parents tell the story of how they were shopping one day, and my birth mom broke down in tears at the sight of baby clothes. That's how they decided.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
6. Easy peasy.
We haven't had a kid yet, but we plan to in around 5 to 7 years. My fiancée is having the baby because I am terrified of giving birth, and she wants the experience. Easy solution for us.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
7. Quite logical.
My wife is five years older than me, so we agreed she'd go first in case it took a while or we had fertility issues.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
8. Doing good for society.
We ultimately couldn’t decide, and after investigating the costs of IVF, we decided to become foster parents, which has been really rewarding.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
9. Weird, but okay!
I have friends who used one wife’s brother as the male donor, so obviously it had to be the other wife carrying.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
10. One carried both.
My wife carried both of our two children. Originally, the plan was to carry one each, and I started trying a year after she had our first child. I tried for 18 months and wasn't successful, and we really didn't want a big age gap between our kids, so she tried again and was pregnant on her second attempt.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
11. One with more benefits.
I was a donor for a coworker and her wife. They decided based on who had the better insurance and benefits. Our job had poor benefits, and her wife was a teacher with state benefits and such.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
12. Hence they decided easily.
Not a parent, but my wife and I are planning in that direction. My wife has no urge to carry a baby and doesn't want to pass her family's medical history on to another generation. I want to experience pregnancy and giving birth. The conversation was incredibly easy for us.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
13. Both of them had a kid.
My aunts are lesbian, and they couldn't decide, so they both had a kid.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
14. One with better genes.
Since most of these comments are not from actual lesbians—Hi, lesbian here. My wife and I have an 11-month-old son. She carried the baby because she has better genes (no cystic acne or severe mental illness for starters!) and is a few years younger than me.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
15. One who thinks pregnancy is neato!
One of us thinks pregnancy is neat. One thinks it’s a horror show.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
16. One with a stronger desire.
I work with a lot of lesbian families. Usually, one might have a stronger desire to bear children, so that is the one who does. Sometimes both do, so they may each bear a child. Sometimes it's about genetics, and someone with a condition or predisposition may ask the other to bear any children.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
17. The older one.
For us, my wife is 1.5 years older, so she went first. But honestly, after seeing her go through pregnancy and breastfeeding, I really don’t want to do it. So she’s carrying my biological baby for baby #2.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
18. The one who wanted to experience.
My partner (we are both female) went through IUI treatment today! How did we pick? It was easy; there was not a bone in my body that wanted to experience carrying a child. She is 34, I am 32. So, it was a pretty simple decision for us personally.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
19. One with the least fertility issues.
My wife and I decided based on a few factors, but most importantly on who had the least fertility issues, as those might increase the cost of treatments.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
20. The one who wants to carry.
My partner and I are starting the process at the end of the year. She will carry, as I absolutely do not want to carry and couldn’t think of anything worse than pushing out a baby, but she really wants to experience pregnancy.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
21. One with maternity leaves.
My wife is in the military and didn't want to mess up her body until her contract was close to ending, so it fell to me. Plus, I have a desk job with 12 weeks of paid maternity leave, while she works part-time in healthcare, standing all the time, with no benefits.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
22. The one who desires to be.
My sister and her wife are in the process of getting pregnant. My sister-in-law has always wanted to get pregnant, and my sister honestly has no desire to be pregnant, so I guess it was an easy choice for them.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
23. One who wants to get pregnant.
My moms are gay. One was a bit older and just never wanted to be pregnant, while the other wanted to be pregnant. It worked out really well that way.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
24. The older one.
My wife and I are just starting the process. I am hopefully (keep your fingers crossed) going to carry first. I’m older than her, so I’m going first in hopes of catching my eggs before they turn to mush.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
25. The deciding factors were age and desire.
We both decided to carry a baby (at separate times). They are biologically related since we used the same donor. I think the deciding factors were age, genetics, and the "desire" to go through a pregnancy.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
26. The one who wants to carry.
For my wife and me, it was an easy choice. I wanted to carry a baby, and she was indifferent to that aspect of being a mother. She was willing to carry if I, for some reason, couldn’t, but luckily we didn’t have to cross that bridge!
u/DarkCommanderAJ
27. A set of mommies each.
My son is from a donor that others used too. One set of mommies each had one. I think it’s totally cool. They each have a mini.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
28. One with no underlying health issues.
Hi, I'm an aspiring lesbian parent. My partner and I have discussed that I will carry first, as I don't have any underlying health conditions. She will attempt to carry second (we're hopeful), but she has PCOS, so we will reassess when we're going through it.
u/DarkCommanderAJ
These lesbians are inspiring and bold and scream that queens don't need a king. They break every barrier and stereotype and bear a child because even lesbians want to have kids.
Share this article with all your loved ones and comment to let us know the best way how lesbians can decide who should bear the child.
