College Student Expected To Take Care Of Her Assigned Autistic Roommate Doesn't Want To Do It, Gets Judged By Others

OP thought living in a dorm with Sarah would be simple, two roommates, one shared space, normal college chaos. Then the “normal” part disappeared, because everyone around them treated Sarah’s autism like an automatic pass for easy mode.

Sarah was the one who got the easy treatment, while OP got handed the job of acting like a caregiver, even though OP never signed up for that role. At first OP went along with the expectations, but the pressure slowly turned into resentment and burnout, especially when other people kept insisting Sarah “doesn’t know better.” Meanwhile, OP says Sarah can take care of herself, so the whole dynamic feels unfair.

Here’s where it gets messy, the moment OP finally pushed back and everyone started judging her instead.

OP asks:

Reddit

OP is a college student and lives in a dorm room with her roommate, Sarah, who is autistic. Everyone gives Sarah easy treatment

Reddit

OP has been expected to act as a caregiver, which didn't bother her initially but eventually became an issue.

Reddit

Research indicates that autonomy is crucial for psychological well-being, particularly among young adults in college environments. When individuals feel pressured to fulfill roles that conflict with their personal desires, it can lead to feelings of resentment and burnout.

This phenomenon is particularly evident in caregiving scenarios, where the caregiver's autonomy is compromised, leading to emotional distress. Understanding this can encourage both OP and Sarah to establish healthier boundaries.

Fostering an environment of open dialogue is essential. Techniques such as nonviolent communication can help both OP and Sarah articulate their feelings and needs without fear of judgment, leading to a more harmonious living arrangement.

OP tried to handle the caregiver expectations at first, but the dorm routine started feeling like a full-time responsibility she never agreed to.

The situation faced by the college student living with her autistic roommate, Sarah, highlights the psychological strain that often accompanies caretaking roles, especially among young adults. The expectation placed on the student to act as a caregiver has transformed from a manageable responsibility to a source of stress and anxiety. This dynamic is exacerbated by the lack of preparation and support that many students find themselves navigating in such environments. The pressure to care for another individual, particularly when it is not a role assumed willingly, can lead to feelings of resentment and overwhelm, a reality that is often overlooked by peers and faculty who may unconsciously contribute to these burdens through their expectations.

Everyone OP has vented to has told her to cut Sarah some slack, saying she doesn't know better. However, OP knows that Sarah can take care of herself.

Reddit

OP posted an edit:

Reddit

OP is not a caregiver

Reddit

The dynamics of shared living situations can create a significant strain on relationships, particularly when responsibilities are unevenly distributed. In the case of the college student living with her autistic roommate, the expectation that she take on a caregiver role has led to growing resentment. Initially, she may have accepted the responsibility, but as time passed, the lack of balance became increasingly burdensome. This imbalance can trigger feelings of frustration, as seen in the reactions of OP when faced with the consistent special treatment afforded to Sarah by both peers and professors. Without addressing these issues, the likelihood of conflict only increases, impacting both students' college experience.

Studies in developmental psychology reveal that caretaking can create imbalances in relationships, particularly among peers.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole:

Reddit

This is true

Reddit

OP shouldn’t let the roommate push her into being her caretaker.

Reddit

Every time OP vented, people told her to cut Sarah some slack because “she doesn’t know better,” even though OP believes Sarah is fully capable.

This is similar to an AITA fight after reckless roommates caused an apartment fire, and someone refused to pay rent.

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) presents unique challenges that can complicate social interactions and independence.

Peer judgment can be particularly harsh in college settings, where social dynamics often amplify feelings of inadequacy.

Creating an inclusive environment where students feel safe to express their concerns is crucial for their mental health.

Potential liability? We would say certain liability...

Reddit

What are the rates now?

Reddit

This is what's infuriating about the whole situation:

Reddit

The real clash wasn’t about Sarah’s autism, it was about OP being treated like the default babysitter in their shared living arrangement.

Emotional labor is a significant issue in caregiver relationships, particularly in college settings. This can involve scheduling time for oneself and prioritizing personal well-being.

To combat feelings of judgment and inadequacy, students should prioritize self-care and establish boundaries regarding their roles.

OP should do this:

Reddit

This also:

Reddit

The bottom line is:

Reddit

When OP posted the edit that she is not a caregiver, the whole story shifted from “be patient” to “why are you being difficult,” fast.

Social Judgment and Stigma

The social judgment faced by OP serves as a reminder of the stigma surrounding disabilities.

The situation faced by the college student living with her autistic roommate highlights the need for self-compassion in caretaking roles. The expectation placed on her to act as a caregiver has evidently taken a toll, showcasing how emotional resilience is crucial in such dynamics. The narrative underscores the importance of prioritizing one's own well-being amidst the pressures of caregiving. Moreover, the incorporation of mindfulness practices could serve as a valuable tool for students navigating similar responsibilities, allowing them to manage their emotional health more effectively while supporting others.

OP is just a college student. This is what's infuriating about the whole situation—everyone is acting like it's okay for OP to be an untrained, unpaid caregiver on top of her own educational demands.

We can understand her roommate for wanting it easy—in a way, we are all like that. Why not get help when you can? But we can't understand the adults around them. Why are they enabling this kind of behavior?

OP is there to learn, not play nursemaid to her lazy roommate. If she gives in to this, her studies will likely suffer as a result.

We hope she will work things out.

Ultimately, recognizing the complexities of caretaking roles is vital for fostering a supportive environment.

The situation faced by the college student highlights the complexities of caregiving within a shared living environment.

Understanding the dynamics of caregiver relationships within shared living environments is critical for both well-being and personal growth.

OP’s not the problem, but the dorm sure acted like she was for refusing to do Sarah’s job for free.

Want the roommate conflict to get even messier, read about a student refusing to clean and withholding rent from a filthy roommate.