College Student Expected To Take Care Of Her Assigned Autistic Roommate Doesn't Want To Do It, Gets Judged By Others

OP is a college student who lives in a dorm room with her roommate, Sarah, who is autistic. Everyone gives Sarah special treatment, even their professors, and OP has been expected to act as a caregiver, which didn't bother her initially but eventually became an issue.

Sarah leaves her clothes on the floor and even on OP's bed, and she always asks OP to cook for her and clean up after her. When OP confronts Sarah about it, Sarah uses her autism as an excuse.

Everyone OP has vented to has told her to cut Sarah some slack, saying she doesn't know better. However, OP knows that Sarah can take care of herself, as she did all her chores herself before everyone started treating her differently.

OP has decided to stop being a caregiver to Sarah but has been receiving backlash from Sarah's friends and family. Additionally, when OP is at the dorm cleaning up after Sarah, Sarah parties all night and comes home late at night (sometimes drunk).

As a result, nobody wants to be Sarah's replacement roommate due to how she treated OP. Although some may argue that Sarah needs a caregiver due to her disability, OP is not her caregiver.

OP wonders if she is in the wrong for not wanting to do it anymore. Read the full story below:

OP asks:

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OP is a college student and lives in a dorm room with her roommate, Sarah, who is autistic. Everyone gives Sarah easy treatment

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OP has been expected to act as a caregiver, which didn't bother her initially but eventually became an issue.

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The Impact of Autonomy

Research indicates that autonomy is crucial for psychological well-being, particularly among young adults in college environments. According to Dr. Richard Ryan and Dr. Edward Deci's Self-Determination Theory, when individuals feel pressured to fulfill roles that conflict with their personal desires, it can lead to feelings of resentment and burnout.

This phenomenon is particularly evident in caregiving scenarios, where the caregiver's autonomy is compromised, leading to emotional distress. Understanding this can encourage both OP and Sarah to establish healthier boundaries.

According to Dr. Brené Brown, a leading researcher on vulnerability and shame, the fear of judgment can significantly impact how individuals express their needs. This fear inhibits authentic communication and reinforces feelings of isolation.

In OP's situation, fostering an environment of open dialogue is essential. Techniques such as nonviolent communication can help both OP and Sarah articulate their feelings and needs without fear of judgment, leading to a more harmonious living arrangement.

The Complexities of Caretaking

Dr. Lisa Tran from Stanford University explores the psychological burden of caretaking roles, especially for college students.

Her research indicates that feeling responsible for another individual's well-being can lead to significant stress and anxiety.

This is particularly true when individuals feel unprepared or unsupported in their roles as caretakers.

Everyone OP has vented to has told her to cut Sarah some slack, saying she doesn't know better. However, OP knows that Sarah can take care of herself.

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OP posted an edit:

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OP is not a caregiver

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The imbalance in responsibilities within shared living situations can severely affect interpersonal relationships. According to Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, a happiness researcher, "When individuals feel that their contributions are not valued equally, it can lead to feelings of resentment and conflict." Cognitive dissonance theory suggests that when individuals perceive an imbalance in effort, they may justify their feelings of anger or frustration, potentially escalating the situation. Dr. Eli Finkel, a relationship researcher, emphasizes that "open dialogue about expectations is crucial in mitigating misunderstandings and improving living arrangements."

Studies in developmental psychology reveal that caretaking can create imbalances in relationships, particularly among peers.

Those who are expected to provide care often face judgment from others, which can exacerbate feelings of isolation and inadequacy.

This phenomenon underscores the need for a supportive community for individuals in caretaking roles.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole:

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This is true

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OP shouldn’t let the roommate push her into being her caretaker.

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Understanding Autism Spectrum Disorder

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) presents unique challenges that can complicate social interactions and independence. Research from the National Institute of Mental Health emphasizes that individuals with ASD may struggle with understanding social cues, which can lead to misunderstandings in roommate dynamics.

It's essential for OP to recognize these challenges while also advocating for her own needs. Training in social skills and gradual independence can be beneficial for both parties involved, fostering better communication.

Navigating Peer Expectations

Peer judgment can be particularly harsh in college settings, where social dynamics often amplify feelings of inadequacy.

According to research published in the Journal of College Student Development, students who feel judged are less likely to seek help, further perpetuating their struggles.

Creating an inclusive environment where students feel safe to express their concerns is crucial for their mental health.

According to a 2015 report, approximately 4,000 college-aged students diagnosed with autism participate in post-secondary education programs in the United States.

Potential liability? We would say certain liability...

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What are the rates now?

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This is what's infuriating about the whole situation:

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Emotional labor is a significant issue in caregiver relationships, particularly in college settings. As noted by Dr. Daniel Goleman, an expert on emotional intelligence, "Caregivers often face emotional exhaustion due to the constant need to manage their feelings." To alleviate this, mental health professionals recommend implementing self-care strategies and setting clear boundaries. According to Brené Brown, a researcher on vulnerability and resilience, "Engaging in activities that replenish energy is essential for minimizing burnout and fostering healthier interactions." This can involve scheduling time for oneself and prioritizing personal well-being.

To combat feelings of judgment and inadequacy, students should prioritize self-care and establish boundaries regarding their roles.

Engaging in open dialogues with peers about these pressures can also foster understanding and lessen the burden.

Seeking support from mental health services on campus can provide additional coping strategies.

OP should do this:

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This also:

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The bottom line is:

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Social Judgment and Stigma

The social judgment faced by OP serves as a reminder of the stigma surrounding disabilities. According to Dr. Michael Thompson, a child psychologist, "Stigma can lead to feelings of isolation and emotional distress, particularly among individuals with disabilities." By fostering understanding and compassion within their social circle, OP can help mitigate this stigma. Engaging in educational initiatives about Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) could also promote empathy and support from peers, creating a more inclusive environment, as noted by Dr. Kelly McGonigal, a health psychologist who emphasizes the importance of community support in overcoming social barriers.

Expert-Recommended Strategies for Caretakers

Experts suggest that practicing self-compassion can significantly benefit students in caretaking roles.

Research shows that self-compassion enhances emotional resilience and can mitigate the negative effects of stress.

Incorporating mindfulness practices into daily routines can also help students manage their emotional well-being more effectively.

OP is just a college student. This is what's infuriating about the whole situation—everyone is acting like it's okay for OP to be an untrained, unpaid caregiver on top of her own educational demands.

We can understand her roommate for wanting it easy—in a way, we are all like that. Why not get help when you can? But we can't understand the adults around them. Why are they enabling this kind of behavior?

OP is there to learn, not play nursemaid to her lazy roommate. If she gives in to this, her studies will likely suffer as a result.

We hope she will work things out.

Ultimately, recognizing the complexities of caretaking roles is vital for fostering a supportive environment.

Encouraging open conversations about the challenges of these roles can create community bonds and lessen feelings of isolation.

Studies consistently emphasize the importance of support systems in managing the psychological implications of caretaking.

Psychological Analysis

This situation reveals the significant stress that can accompany caretaking roles, particularly in high-pressure environments like college.

Recognizing the emotional toll is the first step toward providing meaningful support and understanding.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Understanding the psychological dynamics of caretaking can lead to better support for students in these roles.

According to Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a relationship therapist, "Empathy and open communication are crucial in fostering emotional well-being, especially in caregiving situations." This sentiment is echoed by Dr. Brené Brown, a vulnerability researcher, who states, "When we cultivate connection and understanding, we create a supportive environment that benefits everyone involved."

Healing Approaches & Techniques

Understanding the dynamics of caregiver relationships within shared living environments is critical for both well-being and personal growth. Research indicates that addressing autonomy and emotional labor can significantly improve these relationships. Empowering both OP and Sarah to communicate openly and set boundaries will not only enhance their living situation but also foster mutual respect and understanding.

Implementing structured conversations and educational initiatives can bridge the gap in understanding, ultimately creating a more supportive atmosphere for everyone involved.