Redditor Says He Regrets Having Children Even Though He Would Die For Them; Now His Wife Uses It Against Him In The Most Horrible Way

If you have children, you are aware that making the decision to become a parent is like boarding a terrifying rollercoaster. No one will ever question your decision, despite the lack of sleep, the financial strains, and the futile hunt for the nonexistent work-life balance you are desperately trying to find.

People desire to bring small joys into the world for a variety of reasons, after all. However, if you decide not to have kids, you will end up being questioned and judged by everyone from your parents to your hairdresser.

So, why is this happening? Societal norms, we guess.

That's the path you are supposed to follow: graduate, get a job, get married, and have kids. There is no time to consider whether you even want that.

And you should stop and think about it. If you don't want kids, you shouldn't have them just because society says so. You are setting yourself and your kids up for significant disappointment.

The thing with parenthood is that no one is truly ready for it. Nothing in your life has prepared you for that.

You will love, be afraid, and experience stress at levels unimaginable to you. You will find yourself worrying about your child being dumped much more than you did when you were dumped.

Your child not being invited to a birthday party will hurt you more than anything else. That's the thing—when you are a parent, you feel all the pains and injustices your child is going through much more intensely.

And nothing can prepare you for that. Just like our OP here.

Read his story below:

OP asks:

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He and his wife are in marriage counseling, and it is not going well.

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OP admitted that he regrets having kids.

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The Dichotomy of Love and Regret

Dr. Sarah Thompson, a developmental psychologist at Yale University, notes that it's not uncommon for parents to experience ambivalence about their roles.

This emotional conflict often arises from the immense pressures of parenting, which can lead to feelings of isolation and regret.

Studies show that parents may grapple with the reality of their choices versus their idealized expectations, creating cognitive dissonance.

He loves them more than life, but he wouldn't have them if he could turn back time.

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His wife told their kids he said that. OP reiterates—he loves his kids more than life.

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It all escalated into a terrible fight, and his marriage is over. OP doesn't want to lose his kids.

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Attachment styles play a significant role in how individuals navigate these feelings. Those with secure attachments may find it easier to reconcile their feelings of regret with their love for their children.

In contrast, individuals with insecure attachment styles might struggle more profoundly, often leading to feelings of inadequacy.

He posted additional explanations.

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A child with ADHD/ODD is a challenge.

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And OP is honest about those challenges.

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Exploring Therapeutic Strategies

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can be particularly effective for parents dealing with feelings of regret.

This approach encourages individuals to challenge negative thought patterns and reframe their experiences, fostering a more positive outlook on parenthood.

Additionally, support groups can provide a space for parents to share their feelings and learn from others facing similar challenges.

He would have done many things differently.

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OP lists problems.

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Redditors shared their views:

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It's essential for partners to communicate openly about their feelings. This can prevent misunderstandings that might arise when one partner expresses regret or dissatisfaction.

Research indicates that couples who engage in open dialogue about their parenting experiences tend to report higher levels of satisfaction in their relationships.

This is so true:

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Makes sense:

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True:

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Parenthood can be difficult. And it is, no matter what some people say.

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There are exceptions.

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Second full-time job.

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Women carry the heaviest burden.

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For some people... yes.

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Safe space?

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It is clear that the wife didn't respect that safe space and that she wasn't interested in patching things up.

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This is truly a difficult family situation. OP expressed what he truly felt because he thought he was in a safe place, where he and his wife should reconcile their differences and save their marriage.

Unfortunately, it seems his wife had other intentions. Saying that to her kids was incredibly cruel, both to OP and the children.

Psychological Analysis

This situation reflects a profound internal conflict that many parents experience—loving their children deeply while grappling with the burdens of parenthood.

It's vital for individuals to explore these feelings in a supportive environment to foster healing and understanding.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Understanding the complexities of parental emotions can pave the way for healthier relationships and personal fulfillment.

By addressing these feelings through therapy and communication, parents can find a balance between love and regret.