Redditors Advise Mother Of 3 To Run Away, Not Walk, From Her Manipulative Cheating Husband

A mom of three turned to Reddit to gain perspective on her chaotic marriage. OP and her husband have been married for four years.

In January, he confessed to having a one-night stand but kept the details to himself. OP decided to stay because they have two kids together.

They also went to counseling a few times before her husband quit. He said they could "fix" their marriage on their own.

Things didn't magically improve after that. Their recent argument was about having more children.

It surprised OP because they had agreed not to have any more kids after their second baby. OP said giving birth to two children in 2.5 years took a toll on her body.

So, her husband volunteered to have a vasectomy. During her last trimester, he changed his mind and said OP should have a tubal ligation instead.

Her husband argued it made more sense since their insurance would cover the procedure. OP later realized she was a fool to agree with her husband's decision.

Two years later, he said OP took away his choice to have another biological child. He proposed having a baby with another woman because OP couldn't.

Her husband said he needed another baby. He claimed it made them even because OP has a baby daddy, so he should have a baby mama.

He saw how upset OP was and changed course. He said OP should convince him why she and their children should be good enough for him.

OP told her husband she couldn't take any more abuse from him and asked for a divorce. He accused her of taking their children away from him. What would you have done in OP's place?

moonberry347

OP was reassured she was not overreacting. She also stood firm on her decision to divorce him, no matter how challenging it would be.

grumpy__g, moonberry347

The Impact of Infidelity on Relationships

Dr. Jennifer Harman, an expert on relationships at Colorado State University, notes that infidelity often leads to profound emotional distress and a breakdown of trust.

Her research indicates that the psychological effects of infidelity can linger long after the event, impacting self-esteem and future relationships.

When one partner expects the other to remain while engaging in an affair, it reflects a significant power imbalance that can lead to further manipulation.

She couldn't stay with someone who used money to avoid parenting their children.

Character_Goat_6147, moonberry347

OP said their dynamic changed significantly when her husband started to make money.

CaitSith11, moonberry347

Understanding Manipulation in Relationships

Psychologists specializing in relational dynamics note that manipulation often stems from unresolved attachment issues.

Research conducted by the American Psychological Association indicates that individuals who manipulate may be attempting to meet their emotional needs in unhealthy ways.

In this case, the husband's behavior suggests an inability to confront the consequences of his actions while expecting his partner to shoulder the emotional burden.

OP's trust has been broken. Her husband made enough mistakes that OP has become convinced everything he says is a lie.

Material_Caramel9824, moonberry347

OP was advised to document everything in preparation for the divorce. Her husband will not make this easy for her.

A_Vocabulary_Problem

According to studies published in the Journal of Family Psychology, emotional and psychological abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse.

This highlights the importance of recognizing manipulative behaviors and addressing them decisively to protect one's well-being.

It seems he has no redeeming qualities.

moonberry347

OP will not get any support from her in-laws because infidelity has been normalized in their family.

Kooky_Protection_334, moonberry347

Studies show that emotional manipulation can lead to significant psychological distress in partners, often resulting in feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth.

According to the Journal of Family Psychology, recognizing these patterns is the first step toward reclaiming one’s sense of agency in a relationship.

Encouraging the mother to seek support from friends or a therapist can provide her with the tools needed to address her situation more effectively.

It's likely that he lied about why he couldn't get a vasectomy.

Really_Cool_Dad

Just when you think he can't sink any lower...

moonberry347

Empowering Steps for Recovery

Dr. Ellyn Bader, co-founder of the Couples Institute, suggests that individuals in such situations should prioritize self-care and set clear boundaries.

Her research shows that establishing boundaries can empower individuals to reclaim their autonomy and mitigate feelings of victimization.

Seeking professional counseling can also provide the necessary tools for healing and rebuilding personal strength.

He finds a spoon to dig even deeper.

Lahotep, moonberry347

OP should read this whenever she doubts her decision.

Lost-Imagination-995

The Importance of Setting Boundaries

Boundary-setting is a crucial skill in maintaining healthy relationships, especially when faced with manipulation.

According to research from the University of California, Berkeley, individuals who can assert their boundaries are more likely to experience relational satisfaction and emotional well-being.

In this case, the mother needs to establish clear limits regarding her husband's behavior to protect her emotional health.

Psychological Analysis

This scenario underscores the psychological impact of manipulation and the critical need for individuals to assert their boundaries.

Addressing these issues head-on can empower individuals to take control of their relational dynamics and prioritize their emotional health.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Manipulation in relationships can lead to significant emotional turmoil, particularly for those on the receiving end.

Psychological research emphasizes the importance of recognizing these patterns and setting healthy boundaries to reclaim one’s emotional well-being.

Ultimately, it’s about fostering a space where both partners feel respected and valued.

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the complexities of emotional manipulation in relationships, particularly when one partner's actions significantly impact the other's emotional well-being.

Addressing these issues directly and seeking support can help individuals regain control and foster healthier relationship dynamics.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

The psychological ramifications of infidelity and manipulation are profound, requiring careful navigation to heal and rebuild trust.

Research consistently indicates that boundary-setting and assertive communication are essential in reclaiming personal power and fostering healthy relationships.

Practicing assertiveness can also be a vital step in reclaiming one's power. Research indicates that assertive communication leads to healthier interactions and improved self-esteem.

Learning to express needs and desires openly can foster stronger relationships and enhance overall satisfaction.

Practical strategies for setting boundaries include identifying one’s needs and communicating them clearly and assertively.

Experts recommend practicing these conversations in low-stakes environments to build confidence in expressing one’s needs.

Additionally, seeking support from a therapist can provide valuable insights and coping strategies to navigate this challenging situation.

Hopefully, OP received enough supportive comments to bolster her decision to leave her husband. OP was right — she couldn't raise her children around someone like her soon-to-be ex.

He wouldn't model healthy behaviors for their children to emulate and would likely escalate his mistreatment of OP should she stay. OP should be prepared to be villainized because someone like her STBX would use every manipulative trick in the book to make her look like the bad guy.