Women Share 40 Things About Being Women That Men Will Never Understand
Some men are clueless about the realities of the world outside of them.
There is no denying that everyone experiences life differently, especially by gender. Whether you’re male, female, neither, both, how your gender is perceived affects how people treat you.
[ADVERTISEMENT]
Those who are not cisgender men, or “passing” as a cisgender man experience a completely different, and often times more dangerous life. There are some things that men will never be able to understand about the lives of women or transgender folks.
[ADVERTISEMENT]
Not that they’re at fault for not being able to understand, there are just things you have to live through or experience firsthand that cismen will literally never experience. Obvious things like menstruation, pregnancy, and more subtle things like sexism, fear of the opposite sex, stranger or not.
There are also things that all people *know* about, like the gender wage gap, r*pe culture, and sexism, that affect everyone. If you’re a dude upset about women being afraid of you, you can thank r*pe culture and misogyny for supporting the idea that all men are dangerous, because the majority of the “good men” haven’t been doing anything to stop the “bad men.”
Don’t come at me with “not all men.” Of course, it’s not all men, but it’s enough to make a deep impact.
User u/Top_Run4841 posted in r/AskReddit “What is one thing, that a man would never understand about women?” And the ladies of Reddit shared over 3,000 responses.
Keep scrolling to see the top 30 responses, according to the internet. You may be surprised by some recurring themes.
What pregnancy brain is like
How your brain gets re-wired by pregnancy. And I don’t just mean the “I’ll kill anyone who tries to hurt my little bologna loaf.” I mean how some foods you loved now taste like crap. And others you only tolerated taste like heaven. How some smells are now more intense or slightly off from before pregnancy. That you can’t remember how to drive a stick shift (true story, ground the gears for at least a month) but can put together some complicated as shit storage unit with no instructions and nothing but a pair of pliers and a nail file, while 8 1/2 mos pregnant.That you can spy a poisonous plant from 50 yards away but can’t find the orange behind your water glass. And that if/when you get pregnant again everything will get re/wired in a different way.
thebump
[ADVERTISEMENT]
That being kind doesn't mean they're romantically interested in you
Having guys assume that smiling, talking, or otherwise showing basic human decency to them means we're flirting. As relationship expert Dr. Terri Orbuch states, "Women often find that their friendliness is misinterpreted as romantic interest, which can lead to uncomfortable situations." This highlights the importance of understanding social cues and the different interpretations that can arise in interactions.
giphy
[ADVERTISEMENT]
That fear from mystery moisture in your underwear
The universal scare. It might just be sweat or discharge… but it could be blood too. As Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a relationship therapist, notes, "Women often navigate a complex landscape of bodily awareness that can lead to anxiety in uncertain situations." This highlights the unique experiences women face when they can't quickly assess their health in public settings.
giphy
How indescribably uncomfortable bras are
Bras can be uncomfortable, and as Dr. Kelly Brogan, a psychiatrist and author, notes, "Many women experience physical discomfort from bras, which can sometimes feel restrictive and painful." She emphasizes the importance of choosing the right fit for comfort and health.
giphy
How corporate culture is heavily sexist
In corporate culture:being mentored by men is more difficult without the comraderie that men share. Male leaders see themselves in young men.women need to assert professional boundaries CONSTANTLY.the connection between beauty and perceived ability. Ugly fat men are very common in leadership. Ugly fat women, however...working in compsci is off-putting because many compsci dudes only interact with women in romantic contexts, and find it difficult to treat them as fledged colleagues.
gfycat
How massive change can be the only way to be not seen as a threat
That until you guys come together and force real change to happen, women will continue to perceive all of you as a threat and will act accordingly and you have no right to complain when we do.
giphy
That sexual harassment starts earlier than you think it does
How young being preyed on by men starts. I was first ogled and cat called by men when I was 9 and was groped when I was 11. At a public library. While playing runescapeThis is not to say this doesn't happen at all to boys. It just happens to girls at a far higher rate
giphy
That arousal isn't just physical
That turning us on needs to happen waaaay before you even get our clothes off. As Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned couples therapist, states, "Desire is a complex interplay of emotional and physical connection that often begins long before intimacy." For more insights on relationships and desire, visit her website at estherperel.com.
giphy
What it feels like when a fart rolls up the front
They will probably never understand the things we do out of fear. Also, when a fart rolls up to the front of your vag lips......
giphy
How much unnoticed mental and physical labor women are expected to do
How much effing free labor we are expected to do for everyone, at home, at work, and everywhere. Planning, preparing and cleaning up from office birthday parties, holiday meals, weddings, funerals, etc. etc. Being the “default parent” who knows the family schedule, the pediatrician’s number, whether we need more peanut butter and eggs. Always running scripts in the back of your mind to make sure you’re not being TOO friendly to your male coworkers/boss/a stranger so you’re not giving anyone the “wrong idea,” but also being friendly enough to not bruise a man’s ego. Being a woman is a full time job that we aren’t paid for and it’s fucking exhausting. InB4 “I’m a dad and I know my kid’s doctor’s number, my wife doesn’t do anything” Good for you, you’re an outlier and get a cookie.
giphy
"What it's like to live in a society that favours men in most things."
What it's like to live in a society that favours men in most things.Look at the comments here. As soon as women try to say that they aren't treated the same at school or work etc then men say it's not true. But how would they know? The vast majority have never had to experience inequality because they are a man.We say we're scared of walking at night but then we get gaslit from men who say that crimes against men are higher. Men are rarely targeted because of their sex, women are targeted because they are a woman all the time. Look at the news for example, hundreds and hundreds of women getting attacked and murdered in the street by men. Ask yourself how often that happens the other way round? Where women stalk men in the street and come behind them and beat them to death? Or pull them into alleyways and sexually assault them?The vast majority of men haven't had to think about what they're wearing to try and improve their safety, or walk with their keys in their knuckles because you're on alert from a random attack walking to your car. Or how unsafe you feel when you have to get a plumber or electrician to your home and you live alone.All of these are real issues for women that men deny despite the majority of them never experiencing sex based crimes, and definitely not in the numbers women do.And of course men's issues are equally important. But if you only bring them up in response to a women bringing up issues about women's rights then you're doing it to deny what she's saying about her own experiences. There's a reason why women protest in the street and have womens marches to advocate for basic human rights. I've never seen a male protest to highlight gender based inequality for men.
giphy
What it feels like to stand up on your period
When you’re on your period, and stand up and feel the gush. "Men often underestimate the physical and emotional toll that menstruation can take on women," says Dr. Susan David, an emotional agility expert. "Understanding and empathy are crucial during this time."
giphy
That something as basic as smiling is read as a sexual invitation
Even though we might be "prettier if we smiled," many women feel unable to do so because a smile can be misinterpreted by some men as a sexual invitation. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, states, "Women often navigate a complex landscape of social cues and expectations, where a simple smile can lead to unwanted attention." This dynamic can make it challenging for women to express joy freely without fear of misinterpretation. Dr. Ramani Durvasula emphasizes the importance of understanding these nuances in social interactions.Please, just let me laugh at my comedy podcast in peace, I implore you all.
tenor
That people exist outside of you, not for you
How little I care about a man's opinion on my hair, clothing, or makeup. I am not dressing for you. I do not care if you think red lipstick is too much. As Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, states, "Women often feel pressured to conform to societal standards of beauty, which can be exhausting and unnecessary." Also just how often guys touch you without permission. Dr. Sue Johnson, a couples therapy pioneer, emphasizes that "boundaries are essential in any relationship, and respecting personal space is a fundamental aspect of consent."Dr. Ramani Durvasula | Dr. Sue Johnson
imgur
How exhausting it is to have your gender constantly objectified
How exhausting it is to see your gender constantly objectified. "The media often perpetuates unrealistic standards, particularly for women, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy," explains Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a happiness researcher at sonjalyubomirsky.com. Furthermore, the absence of middle-aged and older women in media representation contributes to this issue, reinforcing harmful stereotypes.
giphy
That sex can lead to a pregnancy that physically and mentally changes you, or worse
Many women live in constant fear of getting pregnant and the potential complications of childbirth. As Dr. Kelly Brogan, a psychiatrist, notes, "The societal narratives surrounding pregnancy can amplify anxiety, especially when considering the risks involved."Additionally, many women fear choosing the wrong partner, knowing that they may end up alone with children if the relationship falters. Dr. Harville Hendrix, a relationship expert, emphasizes, "The fear of being left to raise children alone can create significant stress in relationships, impacting decision-making."Dr. Kelly Brogan, psychiatrist and Dr. Harville Hendrix, relationship expert.
giphy
How refreshing it feels to take your bra off after a long day
The feeling of taking off your bra after a long day can be a significant relief for many women. "It's a moment of liberation that symbolizes the end of the day's pressures," says Dr. Susan David, an emotional agility expert. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing and honoring these small acts of self-care in our daily lives. For more insights on emotional well-being, visit her website at SusanDavid.com.
giphy
That simple comforting touches are perceived as sexual
Holding my b00b means nothing s*xual. Sometimes I do it instinctively. It's comfortable and warm. As Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned couples therapist, states, "Intimacy is not just about physical closeness; it encompasses emotional warmth and comfort." This highlights how physical gestures can often be misinterpreted, emphasizing the need for understanding in relationships.Dr. Esther Perel, couples therapist
giphy
How your behavior is influenced by fear of the opposite sex
The sensation of menstruation itself Not just the symptoms. It's almost indescribable. Like someone ripping a scab off of your insides or dispensing warm soup from your nethers.How much of our behavior is influenced by fear that a man will physically harm us. By 18, I stopped smiling at men 25 and up in passing because too many took it as sexual interest. At 23 I stopped jogging near streets or apartment buildings because the cat calls were too aggressive. And at 31 I cut a married, super religious, father figure from my life because he couldn't keep his eyes off of my body and started talking to me like a mistress. Right now no man I've had any sort of relationship with knows where I live and I feel safer than ever before.
giphy
How your voice can cause you to be taken less seriously
Having your opinions taken less seriously because of your voice. I am trans and recently got surgery to feminize my voice. It has been wild seeing the difference in how people react to me online. My game knowledge is doubted, and my competency is always open for debate.
giphy
That any one from the opposite sex can be dangerous, and there's no way to know
That “good men” and “bad men” are often impossible to tell apart. As Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, states, "Many individuals can mask their true intentions, making it challenging to distinguish between those who are genuinely good and those who are not." We’ve all had the experience of a man we thought we could trust turning out to be terrifying, and we learned from that. So no, we don’t think that all men are predators, but we do know that many of the bad ones are very, very good at appearing to be good ones, and we have no choice but to behave in ways that protect ourselves. For more insights, visit Dr. Helen Fisher's website.
giphy
What it's like to have one of the most traumatic things that can happen to you be used as entertainment
How exhausting/depressing it is seeing so many rape scenes on TV and Film.It’s like they are trying to inform us of how vulnerable we are to sexual assault, when we are fully aware and live with that knowledge on a daily basis.
giphy
How terrible it is having to menstruate
“Men often underestimate the physical and emotional toll that menstruation can take on women. As Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, states, ‘Menstruation is not just a physical experience; it can affect mood, energy levels, and overall well-being.’ Understanding this can foster empathy and support.”
giphy
Even though YOU may not be dangerous, doesn't mean other men aren't
Why we are fucking terrified of y’all as strangers whenever we go out alone. I’ve tried to explain it to some and always get “well all guys aren’t the same” THATS NOT THE POINT.
giphy
Going to change a tampon and it's dry
How terrible it feels to pull a dry tampon outDr. Esther Perel, couples therapist and author states, "Understanding the nuances of women's experiences, including the discomforts they face, is crucial for empathy and connection."
giphy
How unsafe it is to travel alone
My male friends often say, “everyone should travel solo across Europe at least once in their life,” but I can't help but feel uneasy about it. As Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a relationship therapist, notes, “Women often have to consider their safety in ways that men may not fully understand.” Traveling alone can be a thrilling experience, but it also comes with unique challenges for women that are often overlooked.
giphy
What it's like to have your career success brushed off as "sleeping to the top"
Many women struggle with the perception that their career success is attributed to factors other than their abilities, such as being labeled as difficult or accused of using their gender to advance. As Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a happiness researcher, states, "Women often face undue scrutiny in professional settings, which can undermine their confidence and achievements." This societal bias can lead to a persistent feeling of inadequacy, overshadowing their true merit.
giphy
What it feels like to have your "negative emotions" constantly invalidated
Just like men, women experience what are often labeled as "negative emotions" such as fear and anger. This does not equate to being hysterical or dramatic; it simply reflects the complexity of human feelings. As Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, states, "Emotions are valid and deserve to be acknowledged, regardless of gender." Understanding this can foster better communication and empathy in relationships.
giphy
That we can't just *do* regular things without considering how safe it is first
Women often navigate their environments with a heightened sense of caution. As Dr. Michele Gelfand, a cultural psychologist, states, "Women are socialized to be more vigilant about their surroundings, which can impact their sense of freedom." This awareness can deter many from activities like camping alone or walking through dark areas. "The constant need to be on guard can be exhausting," she adds, emphasizing the psychological toll of such vigilance. Dr. Michele Gelfand
giphy
What it's like to not have useful pockets
The excitement of pockets in our clothes. Actual, helpful pockets. As Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, notes, "The little things in life, like the functionality of clothing, can significantly impact a woman's daily experience." This highlights how practical design can enhance comfort and utility in women's fashion.
giphy
How society constantly puts us down for our appearance
The many and subtle ways the world around us tells us we're never beautiful enough. As Dr. Susan David, an expert in emotional agility, states, "The messages we receive about beauty can deeply affect our self-worth and how we view ourselves in relation to others." For more insights, visit her website at SusanDavid.com.
giphy
How important high quality toilet paper is
High quality toilet paper is deeply important to women because we use it every single time we pee or poop and extra when we’re on our period. As relationship expert Dr. John Gottman states, "The small things often matter the most in relationships and personal care." This sentiment resonates with many women who prioritize comfort and hygiene in their daily lives.Dr. John Gottman, relationship expert
tenor
How much society influences our behavior
How much society influences how some of us behave is significant. Dr. Laura Berman, a renowned sex therapist, states, "Women often feel pressured to be accommodating, even when they are uncomfortable, which can lead to internal conflict." This extends to balancing full-time jobs while still managing the majority of household responsibilities. As Dr. Tara Brach, a meditation teacher, emphasizes, "The guilt of being a working parent can overshadow the achievements of a successful career, making it difficult to celebrate one's accomplishments."Dr. Laura Berman, Dr. Tara Brach
gfycat
There is a LOT, but also the expectation to wear makeup to be considered acceptable
The social expectation to wear makeup all the time is a significant burden. As Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a relationship therapist, notes, "Women often feel pressured to conform to societal beauty standards, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy." This expectation suggests that our faces are socially unacceptable unless adorned with layers of makeup, perpetuating a harmful narrative about self-worth and appearance. How troubling is that?
giphy
How terrible dick pics are
That we really can’t stand unsolicited dick pics, so please, for the love of god, stop sending them. They take a conversation from 0 to “ya lost me” real quick. As Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, states, "Unsolicited sexual images can be a major turn-off and often lead to feelings of disrespect and objectification." It's essential to foster genuine connections rather than resorting to inappropriate gestures.
giphy
Having several days of the month, every month, where you're deeply depressed
Feeling sad and tired for no reason, because my body is starting to produce less serotonin before my period. "Many women experience premenstrual syndrome (PMS) which can lead to significant mood changes due to hormonal fluctuations," explains Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in self-compassion. "Understanding these changes can help women navigate their emotional landscape more effectively." Dr. Kristin Neff
giphy
Having your feelings and issues dismissed as hormonal
How your issues are never taken seriously and are always either chalked up to your period or a moral failing.I first started getting symptoms of Celiac disease when I was fourteen. I was diagnosed at 21. I spent seven years getting told my constellation of horror show symptoms was just my period.I was diagnosed with autism at 26. I spent my entire life being told I was a shitty person because I didn't understand socialization like other women. Every faux pas was just viewed as intentional malice on my part, and treated about as harshly as you'd expect.You know. Little stuff like that.
giphy
That doing most anything while menstruating can lead to disaster
“Laughing, coughing, or sneezing can sometimes lead to unexpected moments, especially for women, as their bodies go through various changes,” explains Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, an emotion researcher at lisafeldmanbarrett.com. “These experiences can be both humorous and challenging, highlighting the unique aspects of womanhood.”
giphy
Misogyny does affect everyone, but especially women
How draining the constant misogyny is.Dr. Terri Orbuch, relationship researcher and author states, "The emotional toll of enduring misogyny can lead to significant stress and anxiety, impacting overall well-being." This sentiment is echoed by Dr. Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist, who notes, "Misogyny not only affects women's mental health but also their social interactions and relationships."
giphy
What it's like to be forced to carry an unwanted pregnancy
Men will never understand the profound emotional and physical impact of being sexually assaulted or facing an unplanned pregnancy, especially when they are denied the choice of abortion. As Dr. Susan David, an emotional agility expert, states, "Emotions are not just feelings; they are the compass that guides our decisions and actions." It is frustrating when discussions about abortion prioritize the fetus over the well-being of the woman carrying it. Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship researcher, emphasizes, "Understanding and compassion are crucial in discussions about women's health and rights."Dr. Susan David, Dr. Terri Orbuch
giphy
There are some things that men will never be able to understand, due to the obvious physical differences, but also the overriding societal differences that may not be obvious if you’re anything other than a cisgender man. It’s been purposefully set up that way.
Do you think some of the responses missed the mark or did something get missed that you think should be included? Let us know what you think in the comment section below, and share this with a man you love that may need an eye-opener about how life is for someone else.
