The Redditor Who Finally Hit “Decline”: Why One Woman Refused To Fund Mother-In-Law’s Endless Cash Requests

It started with a simple phone call, and it ended with a grown man getting dragged into it at work.

A 33-year-old woman says her mother-in-law calls about once a month to request “loans” that are never explained, usually starting at $200 and occasionally jumping to $800. The catch? They turn into gifts, because the mother-in-law never pays anything back, all while the couple is raising four kids on their own dime.

When OP finally hit “decline,” her mother-in-law decided OP was reckless, then tattled to her husband, and the family drama kicked into overdrive.

The OP explained that her mother-in-law routinely asks for at least $200, with the highest request hitting a staggering $800.

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Original Post

I (33f) want to stop lending my husband's (37m) mother (62f) money. She calls about once a month and asks for at minimum two hundred dollars; the highest amount was 800. She never says why she needs the money, other than just bills.

The real kicker is these loans turn into gifts because she has never paid us a dime back. It wouldn't be such a big deal but we have four kids we are raising. She just asked again last night and I politely declined saying we didn't have the extra this month.Yall she got big mad, had the audacity to tell me that we are reckless with our money. I said I'm sorry we can't help this time and truthfully we won't be able to help in the future. She lost it and called my husband at work and tattled on me, lol.My husband didn't see what the big deal was until I added up how much we had already given her which is thousands of dollars each year, then he calmed down for a while. Well mommy must have worked him over because now he wants to give her money again. I put my foot down and said no. I earn half the money for the household I should have a say.It also bothers me that this woman has seen our children three times in the past ten years, doesn't call them or even send cards. She puts no effort into having a relationship with our family and instead focuses on my husband's brothers and their children. It hurts my husband and he has told her as much.So reddit, Aita? TL;DR refuse to give my mother in law money after handing out thousands over the years and husband is mad I said no.

The mother-in-law's monthly asks, which range from $200 to an astonishing $800, highlight a potential dependency issue that goes beyond mere financial need. It is evident that such repeated requests might indicate a lack of financial literacy or an inability to manage resources effectively.

Open communication surrounding finances is essential in this scenario. By addressing the underlying issues rather than simply giving in to monetary demands, the woman can foster a more trusting and constructive relationship with her mother-in-law. Transparency about financial situations not only mitigates misunderstandings but can also pave the way for more sustainable solutions, rather than a cycle of dependency.

Here's how the Reddit community reacted.

whyamisoawesome9

"He'll never be able to buy his mother's love."

mer-shark

OP kept showing up with cash for years, until the math finally got loud, thousands of dollars per year, with zero repayment and no real reason attached.

A relationship expert pointed out that this situation reflects common patterns in familial expectations.

NTA.

Thebuch4

Tell her you'll pay the bills directly.

GrowlingAtTheWorld

"You shouldn’t be throwing money at her."

cricket73646

Your family and children are more important.

Andreaxox

"You should have a say."

IsThisRealLife201520

"Money’s like manure."

GansettCan

The second OP said “we don’t have the extra this month,” her mother-in-law blew up, called OP reckless, and then went straight to tattling on her to her husband.

This also reminds me of a woman battling nonstop unconventional pregnancy advice from her mother-in-law.

These issues may stem from unmet emotional needs or unaddressed grievances.

"It's not helping her to give her money."

teresajs

"She needs to be cut off."

iluvcats17

Your husband should be dealing with his mother.

WebbieVanderquack

Once OP added up the total, her husband cooled down for a while, but now “mommy” has him wanting to fund the next request again.

Creating Healthy Communication Channels

When family members express their feelings and needs without blame, it fosters a more understanding atmosphere.

Talk to your husband.

BisquickNinja

"You are making that money for your children, not for her."

PaytonLeeroy

"Tell her that you'd like to discuss repayment of her loans."

depressivedarkling

OP put her foot down, and the tension got personal fast, especially since the mother-in-law barely shows up for the kids and focuses her attention on her husband’s brothers’ families instead.

Establishing a budget that includes discretionary spending can empower family members to seek financial independence. This proactive approach can prevent misunderstandings and build financial literacy across generations.

The OP’s story resonates with anyone who’s struggled to balance generosity with self-preservation. Setting boundaries can be messy, but sometimes the hardest “no” is the most necessary.

This situation underscores the intricate dance between familial duty and the necessity of establishing personal boundaries.

The situation involving the Redditor and her mother-in-law highlights the complexities of financial interactions within families.

He might be happier in a different conversation, because nobody wants to keep paying for “bills” that never get paid back.

For another money-fueled family blowup, see how a woman stopped trusting her boyfriend’s “dream trip” plans.