The Redditor Who Finally Hit “Decline”: Why One Woman Refused To Fund Mother-In-Law’s Endless Cash Requests

A Redditor recently shared that she is a 33-year-old woman who has reached her limit with her 62-year-old mother-in-law’s monthly money calls. She explained that the mother-in-law routinely asks for at least $200, with the highest request hitting a staggering $800.

According to the OP, there’s never any real explanation for what the money is for. The mother-in-law simply says it’s “just bills,” leaving the OP and her husband to guess what’s actually going on.

What grinds the gears of the Redditor even more is that these so-called loans quietly transform into gifts. She said her mother-in-law has never repaid even a single dollar, which might not sting as much if the OP and her husband weren’t raising four children on a tight budget.

The OP said that the most recent request came just the night before she posted. She politely told her mother-in-law that they simply didn’t have extra money this month.

But the Redditor revealed that the mother-in-law erupted, acting as if the OP had personally insulted her entire ancestry. The woman even accused the OP and her husband of being “reckless” with their money, a claim that left the OP blinking in disbelief.

The Redditor shared that she kept her cool and calmly said they couldn’t help this time — and truthfully would not be helping in the future. The mother-in-law didn’t take that well either and immediately called her son at work to “tattle,” as the OP put it.

When the husband heard the dramatic retelling from his mother, he initially didn’t think it was a big deal. But the OP sat him down, pulled out the numbers, and added up exactly how much money they had given his mother over the years.

She explained that the total came out to thousands of dollars annually, which finally made her husband pause and reconsider. For a moment, he seemed grounded and understood why the OP was setting boundaries.

But the Redditor believes her mother-in-law must have worked him over emotionally in the meantime, because his resolve didn’t last long. Soon, he was back to insisting that they should give her more money, as if the boundaries conversation had never happened.

The OP explained that her mother-in-law routinely asks for at least $200, with the highest request hitting a staggering $800.

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Here's the original post by Reddit user 'kfgoodd'.

I (33f) want to stop lending my husband's (37m) mother (62f) money. She calls about once a month and asks for at minimum two hundred dollars the highest amount was 800. She never says why she needs the money, other than just bills. The real kicker is these loans turn into gifts because she has never paid us a dime back, wouldn't be such a big deal but we have four kids we are raising. She just asked again last night and I politely declined saying we didn't have the extra this month. Yall she got big mad, had the audacity to tell me.that we are reckless with our money. I said I'm sorry we can't help this time and truthfully we won't be able to help in the future. She lost it and called my husband at work at tattled on me, lol. My husband didn't see what the big deal was until I added up how much we had already given her which is thousands of dollars each year, then he calmed down for a while. Well mommy must have worked him over because now he wants to give her money again. I put my foot down and said no. I earn half the money for the household I should have a say. It also bothers me that this woman has seen our children three times in the past ten years, doesn't call them or even send cards. She puts no effort into having a relationship with our family as instead focuses on my husband's brother's and their children. It hurts my husband and he has told her as much. So reddit, Aita? TL;DR refuse to give my mother in law money after handing out thousands over the years and husband is mad I said no.

Family Dynamics and Financial Boundaries

Dr. Judith Wallerstein, renowned family psychologist, emphasizes that setting financial boundaries is vital for healthy family dynamics. She notes that requests for money can often mask deeper issues, such as dependency or lack of financial literacy.

Wallerstein suggests that open communication about finances can help mitigate misunderstandings. Encouraging family members to be transparent about their financial situations is essential. This transparency fosters trust and can lead to more constructive solutions than simply acquiescing to requests.

Here's how the Reddit community reacted.

whyamisoawesome9

"He'll never be able to buy his mother's love."

mer-shark

A relationship expert pointed out that this situation reflects common patterns in familial expectations. Often, older generations may not recognize the financial strain they impose, leading to ongoing tension within families.

Understanding these dynamics can help family members navigate complex emotions with empathy. Open dialogues about financial goals and limitations can create understanding and support, rather than resentment.

NTA.

Thebuch4

Tell her you'll pay the bills directly.

GrowlingAtTheWorld

"You shouldn’t be throwing money at her."

cricket73646

The Importance of Financial Literacy

Dr. Elizabeth Warren, a leading financial literacy advocate, argues that educating family members about budgeting and financial planning is essential. She believes that many individuals may resort to asking for money due to ignorance about managing their finances.

Implementing family meetings focusing on financial education can empower members to make informed choices. Warren suggests using resources like online budgeting tools or workshops to foster independence and reduce reliance on family support.

Your family and children are more important.

Andreaxox

"You should have a say."

IsThisRealLife201520

"Money’s like manure."

GansettCan

Family therapists often observe that money disputes can be symptomatic of deeper relational issues. These issues may stem from unmet emotional needs or unaddressed grievances. A therapist specializing in family dynamics suggests that addressing these underlying issues can prevent future conflicts.

Creating a safe space for family discussions about emotions, needs, and expectations can lead to healthier relationships and fewer financial disputes.

"It's not helping her to give her money."

teresajs

"She needs to be cut off."

iluvcats17

Your husband should be dealing with his mother.

WebbieVanderquack

Creating Healthy Communication Channels

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, emphasizes the importance of healthy communication in familial relationships. He notes that using 'I' statements rather than accusatory language can open up constructive dialogues about sensitive topics like finances.

When family members express their feelings and needs without blame, it fosters a more understanding atmosphere. Gottman encourages families to practice these techniques during low-stress times to build skills for addressing conflicts when they arise.

Talk to your husband.

BisquickNinja

"You are making that money for your children, not for her."

PaytonLeeroy

"Tell her that you'd like to discuss repayment of her loans."

depressivedarkling

According to financial planners, implementing a family budget can help manage expectations and reduce the frequency of cash requests. Establishing a budget that includes discretionary spending can empower family members to seek financial independence.

Financial planners recommend that families schedule regular check-ins to review their financial situations and adjust budgets as necessary. This proactive approach can prevent misunderstandings and build financial literacy across generations.

The OP’s story resonates with anyone who’s struggled to balance generosity with self-preservation. Setting boundaries can be messy, but sometimes the hardest “no” is the most necessary.

Expert Opinion

This situation highlights a common psychological struggle between familial obligation and personal boundaries. The mother-in-law's relentless requests may stem from a sense of entitlement or learned behavior, while the Redditor's decision to say "no" reflects a need to protect her family's financial well-being. It's a classic case of boundary-setting, which can be tough but is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and self-respect.

Research-Based Understanding

In conclusion, navigating financial requests within families requires a blend of empathy, communication, and education. Understanding the psychological and relational dynamics at play can prevent escalation and foster healthier interactions.

Empowering family members through financial literacy and open dialogues enables them to articulate their needs without imposing undue stress. Creating a culture of transparency surrounding finances not only strengthens relationships but also equips family members with the skills necessary for financial independence.