Mother Criticized By Entitled MIL Over Kids' Laundry Habits, Suggests She Mind Her Own Business As She's Even Worse

If someone wants to find a flaw in you, they will certainly succeed. And who would be better at criticizing others than mother-in-laws?

Well, as it's their specialty, apparently no one. They must be the ones who are always right, and this is no exception.

Recently, a Reddit user received an unpleasant comment from her MIL, and she didn't hesitate to respond in kind. However, what bothers the Reddit user is whether she had overreacted.

Therefore, she shared her story and asked Redditors for their opinions. The OP's daughter, Brandi, 13 years old, had begun doing her own laundry.

The OP had shown her a few times how to do it before she took over the task herself. During a Christmas break ski vacation with the OP's in-laws, Brandi refused her grandmother's offer to do her laundry, preferring to handle it herself.

However, upon returning from the trip, the grandmother pulled the OP aside to discuss how Brandi didn't turn the clothes the proper way before folding them. The OP stated she saw no issue as long as the clothes were clean and put away, regardless of whether they were inside out.

Nevertheless, the grandmother found Brandi's laundry habits unacceptable and even addressed Brandi directly about it. Brandi defended her method, stating it made no difference to her, and she enjoyed the randomness of selecting a shirt without knowing its design upfront.

Despite the family's efforts to dissuade the grandmother from further commenting, she persisted until a severe warning from her son. However, it didn't take long before she started again.

She questioned the OP's parenting over the laundry issue, which provoked a sharp response from the OP, stressing the grandmother's own parenting. This discussion led to the grandmother leaving in anger and subsequent family arguments, leaving the OP to question the appropriateness of her response.

The original question:

Reddit

The OP explained her daughter started doing her own laundry:

Reddit

Navigating Family Criticism

Family criticism can evoke strong emotional responses, often rooted in historical family dynamics. According to Dr. Brené Brown, a researcher on vulnerability and shame, criticism can undermine self-worth and lead to defensive behaviors.

When family members criticize one another, it can create a cycle of shame and resentment, where individuals feel pressured to conform to unrealistic standards.

But the OP's MIL noticed she didn't do it properly:

Reddit

MIL repeatedly talked about this issue with the OP and even to Brandi:

Reddit

Research in developmental psychology highlights the importance of constructive feedback over criticism. Dr. Carol Dweck’s work on growth mindset emphasizes that framing feedback positively encourages resilience and personal growth.

When family members focus on supporting one another rather than criticizing, it fosters a more nurturing environment.

But Brandi said she's okay with her method of doing laundry:

Reddit

Eventually, MIL said that the OP was a bad mother, so the OP didn't hesitate to reply to her:

Reddit

The Impact of Entitlement on Family Relationships

Entitlement can significantly impact family dynamics, often leading to conflict when one member demands adherence to their standards. As Dr. John Gottman, a renowned marriage researcher, states, "When one partner feels entitled to impose their standards on the other, it can create a rift that undermines the relationship." Feelings of entitlement can stem from a lack of empathy and understanding of others' perspectives. When individuals perceive themselves as the 'gatekeepers' of standards within the family, it can create significant tension and strife, as noted by Dr. Pat Love, a relationship therapist who emphasizes the importance of mutual respect and understanding in family interactions.

Now, the family criticizes the OP for being cruel:

Reddit

A Redditor said the OP was not in the wrong, and many others agreed

Reddit

To foster healthier family interactions, it’s essential to promote empathy and understanding among family members. Engaging in family discussions about feelings and needs can help reduce feelings of entitlement and encourage cooperation instead.

Additionally, families can benefit from setting shared goals that everyone can contribute to, promoting a sense of unity and collaboration.

MIL insulted her first, so she deserved such a response

Reddit

MIL has created a problem where there wasn't one

Reddit

Redditors agreed that the OP was not in the wrong for responding to her MIL the way she did. MIL insulted her first, so she had to be put in her place.

The most important thing is that the child is doing her own laundry, and she has the right to do it as she wants. Anyway, there was no problem with the way she does it, but MIL unnecessarily created one.

Brandi can do her laundry however she wants

Reddit

Obviously, there isn't any problem

Reddit

The OP put her in her place

Reddit

Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates how criticism can often stem from an individual's own insecurities. When family members feel the need to impose their standards on others, it may reflect their discomfort with their own shortcomings.

Encouraging open dialogue about expectations and feelings can help mitigate these issues, allowing for a more supportive family environment.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, addressing criticism within families requires a shift towards empathy and constructive feedback. Research indicates that fostering a supportive environment can significantly improve family dynamics and individual self-esteem.

By focusing on understanding and collaboration, families can create a more harmonious and nurturing space for all members.