Pregnant Woman Confronts MIL for Gaslighting Her Into Using Her Maiden Name for Baby

As a parent, you must make many decisions, and naming your child is one of them. It can be exciting, but it can also be intimidating because you are giving your child a name that they will use for the rest of their lives.

You may already know exactly what you want to name your child, but your partner, family, and friends may have different ideas. It can be difficult to get everyone on the same page.

Nevertheless, naming a child doesn't have to be a stressful or difficult process; it can be joyful and enjoyable. The OP of today's story is expecting her first child with her fiancé, but they do not yet know the baby's gender.

This didn't stop them from picking names for both a boy and a girl. In fact, they have already fallen in love with names.

OP's fiancé has his father's last name, which is on his birth certificate. Her fiancé's mother has a completely different last name, and she has been adamant about getting them to use her maiden name for their child.

This made no sense to the OP, but her MIL started guilt-tripping them about why they wouldn’t give the child her last name. The full story lies below, so keep scrolling down to check it out.

The OP writes

Reddit/LilRed9967

OP's fiancé has his father's last name, which is on his birth certificate

Reddit/LilRed9967

Understanding Gaslighting in Family Dynamics

Dr. Amanda Roberts, a clinical psychologist, defines gaslighting as a form of psychological manipulation where one person seeks to make another doubt their reality. This can be particularly damaging in family settings, where trust and emotional safety are paramount.

In this case, the pregnant woman's confrontation with her mother-in-law reflects a significant boundary violation. Research indicates that unresolved family dynamics can lead to recurring patterns of manipulation and emotional distress, highlighting the need for clear communication and boundary setting.

OP's MIL has it so deep in her fiancé's mind that he feels he has to please her

Reddit/LilRed9967

And the comments roll in...

Reddit/LilRed9967

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:

I told my MIL and fiancé that my child will not have my MIL's last name because my fiancé has a different last name than hers, and it seems disrespectful to make me change my child’s last name because of entitlement.

Therapy may be helpful

Reddit/LilRed9967

Setting a precedent

Reddit/LilRed9967

Studies in family psychology demonstrate that gaslighting can lead to feelings of confusion and self-doubt in the victim. According to a recent article in the Journal of Family Psychology, victims of gaslighting often report increased anxiety and depression, as their sense of reality is undermined.

This highlights the importance of recognizing and addressing such behaviors early on to prevent long-term psychological harm.

Don't give in to her

Reddit/LilRed9967

Growing a backbone

Reddit/LilRed9967

The OP left this detail somewhere in the comments

As of right now, we have discussed this together, and he has agreed that she is being disrespectful and outrageous. We will be naming the kid with his current last name, and boundaries will be set. I’m going to allow only my fiancé into my ultrasound. She will not be informed about appointments until after they are completed. I will treat the information from those appointments as if they weren’t my own and HIPAA was in place, as it’s not her business until after the baby is born.

It may be harder to undo

Reddit/LilRed9967

Fighting fire with fire

Reddit/LilRed9967

The Impact of Emotional Manipulation

Emotional manipulation, like gaslighting, can erode trust within relationships and lead to significant psychological distress. Research indicates that individuals exposed to such behavior may develop symptoms of PTSD, particularly if the manipulation is chronic or severe.

This situation illustrates the critical need for individuals to advocate for their emotional well-being, especially during vulnerable periods like pregnancy.

The OP left this update later on

Reddit/LilRed9967

And this is her second update

Reddit/LilRed9967

To address such situations effectively, individuals can benefit from establishing firm boundaries and seeking support from trusted friends or therapists. Therapeutic interventions focused on assertiveness training can empower victims of gaslighting to reclaim their sense of reality and make informed decisions about their relationships.

Additionally, developing a strong support network can provide validation and reinforce one's perceptions, mitigating the effects of manipulative behavior.

Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates the complexities of family dynamics, particularly regarding manipulative behaviors. The emotional distress that arises from gaslighting can significantly impact a person's mental health, especially during vulnerable times like pregnancy. It's essential for individuals to recognize these patterns and seek support to navigate their relationships more effectively.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, addressing gaslighting and emotional manipulation within families requires awareness and proactive strategies. Research underscores the importance of boundary setting and seeking support, which can be vital in maintaining psychological health.

Empowering individuals to reclaim their narratives can lead to healthier family interactions and emotional resilience.

Redditors told the OP to remember that she alone gets to choose who attends any doctor's appointments and the delivery, regardless of what her mother-in-law wants. And since she's not married yet, it's likely that even her fiancé will need her help to fill out the child's paperwork.

The OP was declared not the AH, and that is where we draw the curtains.

Navigating Family Complexities

Family dynamics can often be complicated, especially when underlying issues of control and manipulation are present. Research highlights that understanding the historical context of family relationships can provide insights into why certain behaviors manifest.

By reflecting on these dynamics, individuals can develop strategies to navigate difficult conversations and foster healthier interactions moving forward.