They Bought Their First Home Based On A Family Gift Promise, And Then It Vanished - One Couple’s House Horror Story

One Redditor, who recently welcomed her first baby during the pandemic, had spent years navigating a fraught relationship with her husband’s mother. Before the baby arrived, they had gone completely no contact after the mother-in-law’s disruptive behavior at their wedding left them humiliated.

After two years of silence, the mother-in-law and father-in-law reached out to the husband, prompting him to return to low contact. They occasionally had lunch together every few months, and for those brief moments, the in-laws were on their best behavior.

When the baby was born, the couple let the grandparents meet him at three months old. The Redditor was cautiously optimistic, noting that both grandparents were unusually kind to her and the baby during those early visits.

For years, the couple had rented, unable to save enough to buy a house amid soaring property prices. The Redditor never imagined buying a home would be possible anytime soon, but her husband’s wealthy parents offered to chip in to make it happen.

The in-laws had previously helped the husband’s brother purchase a home, and now they proposed giving the Redditor and her husband $80,000 toward their own. Initially hesitant, the Redditor was eventually persuaded that the gift would provide a stable home for their baby, and they gratefully accepted.

With the promised funds, the couple found a new-build property that, while still expensive, was technically within reach. They signed the contract and began the wait for the house to be completed, confident that the $80,000 would cover a significant portion of their mortgage.

But as the settlement date approached, the Redditor and her husband requested the promised funds from the mother-in-law. To their shock, she refused, claiming she had changed her mind and wanted to save the money for her retirement.

The Redditor never imagined buying a home would be possible anytime soon, but her husband’s wealthy parents offered to chip in to make it happen.

AI-generated image Disclaimer: Using a throwaway for this post as family use Reddit. My husband and I had our first baby last year during Covid. Prior to this, we went into no contact with his parents as his mother is a narcissist and the last straw for us was her acting up at our wedding and embarrasing us. We had no contact with her for 2 years and in the last year or so before our baby was born, they finally reached out to my husband and he went back into low contact with them (had lunch with them like once every few months). They were on their best behavior during those times. After our baby was born, we let them meet him when he was around 3 months. All this time they were super kind to me and the baby, and I really thought us going no contact with them had maybe improved our relationship. Cut to the start of this year, we have always been renting. We cannot afford to buy a house comfortably currently with the crazy rising house prices so we have never thought about it. Husband's parents are very rich, they helped his brother and his family with their home, and now we had a baby, they offered to help chip in so we could finally get a permanent place. Initially I didn't know if we should accept such a big gift from them, but they persuaded us to provide a more stable home for the baby so we thankfully agreed. They promised to give us $80,000 towards our purchase. The country I am in, our median house price is over a million dollars. With this gift, we could literally just afford the mortgage with our wages, and everything would be pretty tight but we could manage it. We signed for a house which was a new build so would take a few months to finish. We are now at the stage of nearly finishing and would be settling the property in a month or so. My husband let his parents know that we would need their $80,000 transferred to us soon for us to pay off the remaining balance in around 3 weeks time. MIL refused to pay. She said she's changed her mind and she thinks it's better to save that money for retirement even though we all know she has 10x that in the bank. We are beyond devastated because we have borrowed to the limit and we cannot borrow an extra $80,000 and we only put down a payment for a house because of their gift. She has now asked us to ask my family for it, but my parents just can't help with such a big amount and had already gifted some towards our deposit. I know we are not owed any money from family, but I feel like I'm not the asshole here because we didn't ask for the money, it was offered, and we only bought a house because of the help offered. We were happy to continue to rent until we saved up more money! However some of my friends are calling me entitled and selfish for expecting a handout. I am really upset because I feel like we were tricked into buying a house and then left in a lurch. I don't know if this was her plan to string us along and give us hope then take it from us. Edit: Thanks to all for the advice regarding our legal rights, my husband and I don't really want to go down the route with bringing a claim against her, as at the end of the day it is her money and if she does not wish to gift it, we have no right to it. But we will ask our lawyer to look into it for breaking our contract for the purchase. Hopefully we are able to!

To avoid similar situations in the future, experts suggest establishing clear agreements regarding gifts and financial support. Couples should discuss and document any expectations before major purchases, ensuring both partners are on the same page.

This practice not only clarifies intentions but also prevents future conflicts. Additionally, seeking advice from financial planners can provide couples with tools and strategies to manage family dynamics more effectively, ultimately fostering healthier relationships.

Here's how the Reddit community reacted.

NotSoBunny

NTA.

Ostentatiou5

Dr. John Van Epp, a relationship counselor, emphasizes the importance of setting clear boundaries when navigating familial relationships, especially after conflicts. He notes that when boundaries aren’t established, it can lead to confusion and emotional distress.

Van Epp suggests couples create a unified front, discussing their boundaries together, which can help mitigate misunderstandings with family members. This approach not only strengthens the couple’s relationship but also clarifies expectations for family interactions moving forward.

"Always get paid upfront for things like this."

AsuraRathalos

This is a financial disaster.

Cynical_Manatee

"How did you not get it upfront?"

Deleted user

Financial Guidance on Family Gifts

Financial expert Jean Chatzky warns that relying on family gifts for significant purchases like homes can lead to financial instability. She advises prospective homeowners to have contingency plans in place.

Chatzky recommends saving a substantial emergency fund to cover potential shortfalls, ensuring that buyers aren't solely dependent on family support. Furthermore, she encourages open dialogues about finances within families to prevent misunderstandings and unexpected disappointments.

"This is about revenge."

The__Riker__Maneuver

ESH.

Glittering_Joke3438

"Do you really want to be tangled up with these people?"

PhillyMila215

Understanding Family Dynamics

Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, highlights how complex family dynamics can impact emotional well-being, especially when significant life changes, like having a child, are involved. She explains that unresolved conflicts can resurface during times of stress, leading to heightened tensions.

Fisher emphasizes the need for emotional intelligence in these situations. Couples are encouraged to practice empathy and active listening, which can help navigate challenging conversations while fostering a supportive environment for their new family.

YTA.

uudxghhhgddhnv

"Time to go no contact again."

8kijcj

"She is clearly a lunatic."

Monkey_Bulter

Therapists recommend creating a family communication plan to address potential conflicts proactively. This might include establishing regular family meetings to discuss each member's feelings and expectations. When everyone has a voice, it can significantly reduce misunderstandings.

Moreover, establishing a shared set of family values can help guide decision-making processes. For instance, agreeing on financial priorities and emotional support structures can lead to healthier interactions and less drama in the future.

"They aren't worth the headache."

masterredmage

"I’d be upset too."

MoonlitSerendipity

"Foolish on your part."

memeulusmaximus

Navigating Emotional Turbulence

Dr. Susan David, a psychologist specializing in emotional agility, suggests that couples acknowledge their feelings rather than suppress them during tumultuous family situations. She argues that understanding and expressing emotions can lead to more constructive dialogues.

David believes that naming emotions helps individuals process them and encourages healthy communication. This can be particularly useful when dealing with family members who might not understand the couple's needs or boundaries.

At the end of the day, the Redditor and her husband are learning to navigate life on their own terms. While family promises can be tempting, their story is a reminder that sometimes, the safest path to security is the one you build yourself—brick by brick, promise by promise.

Expert Opinion

This situation highlights the complex interplay of family dynamics and financial dependency. The couple's choice to accept a significant gift from the in-laws reflects a desire for stability and security, especially with a new baby, but it also exposes them to vulnerability when that promise is retracted. This can lead to feelings of betrayal and helplessness, which are common when trust is broken in familial relationships—especially when past conflicts with the mother-in-law add another layer of emotional turmoil.

Navigating family dynamics, especially surrounding significant life changes like home buying, can be complex and emotionally charged. Experts like Dr. Helen Fisher and Jean Chatzky underscore the importance of open communication and established boundaries to mitigate conflicts. By proactively addressing financial expectations and emotional needs, couples can create a more supportive environment for themselves and their families.

Ultimately, understanding these dynamics and implementing expert recommendations can not only prevent misunderstandings but also strengthen familial bonds. Creating a solid foundation for communication and financial planning is essential for long-term harmony.