Woman Gifts Millions to Best Friend’s Kids, but Gives More to One

Financial windfalls often inspire people to share their good fortune, especially with those they feel closest to. However, deciding how to divide such a gift can be deeply personal and sometimes complicated. Relationships, history, and individual needs often influence how generosity is expressed.

In this case, the OP, a 37-year-old woman, recently received a large sum of money. She plans to gift a substantial amount to her best friend’s two children through irrevocable trusts.

She intends to give $2.5 million to the 12-year-old girl and $1.5 million to the 2-year-old boy. The difference stems from her life experience with the older child, whom she helped raise from a young age. The girl spends school vacations with her, calls her “mom,” and is loved as much as OP’s children.

The girl has endured a traumatic childhood, including abuse, which has led to long-term mental health challenges. Her therapist believes she may need lifelong support. In contrast, the younger boy has a present father serving in the military and enjoys greater material stability.

OP relates to the girl’s struggles, having grown up as the overlooked child in her own family. She sees parallels in their experiences and wants to ensure the girl’s future is secure. For her, this gift is not about favoritism but about giving someone she loves a better chance in life.

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Original Post

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Understanding the Psychology of Gift Giving

Gift giving involves an intricate interplay of emotions, social norms, and personal relationships. According to Dr. Susan David, an emotional agility expert, "The act of giving is a reflection of our understanding of the recipient’s needs and the relationship we share with them." This emphasizes that gift giving transcends mere economic exchange; it serves as a symbolic ritual reflecting the giver's insights into the recipient's personality. In this case, the woman's decision to give more to the older child may be influenced by her perception of the child's individual needs or her personal relationship with them.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished When Money and Friendships Mix.

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Questioning How the Mom Could Treat the Kids Equally if One Lacks What the Other Has.

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One must also consider the potential psychological implications of unequal gift giving. As highlighted by Dr. Esther Perel, couples therapist and author, "Favoritism can lead to significant emotional distress among siblings, often resulting in feelings of inadequacy and rivalry." If the children become aware of the disparity in the gifts, it could potentially impact their relationship with each other and the gift giver, as noted by Dr. Madeline Levine, child psychologist, who states, "When children perceive unequal treatment, it can foster resentment and long-lasting emotional scars that affect family dynamics."

Gift Amounts Are Fair.

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Special Treatment for One Child Can Leave Lasting Scars on the Other.

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Research suggests that differential treatment in gift giving could be influenced by birth order. Dr. Michele Gelfand, a cultural psychologist, notes, "Firstborns often carry the weight of expectations, leading to perceptions that they are more responsible and deserving of support" (Dr. Michele Gelfand). This might lead to the perception that older children are more deserving or in greater need of financial support.

A Friend May Accept Different Amounts if Extra Coverage Provides Medical Care.

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OP Can Give Friend Money and Keep the Kids’ Trusts Revocable Until They’re Adults.

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The Influence of Social Norms

Social norms also play a significant role in gift-giving decisions. As noted by Dr. John Gottman, a renowned marriage researcher, "The way we give and receive gifts is often influenced by our emotional connections and perceived needs of others" (Dr. John Gottman). This perspective aligns with the idea that larger gifts are typically bestowed upon individuals who are seen as having greater needs or those with whom we share closer relationships. This may explain why the woman in the story chose to give a larger amount to one child over the other.

A Fairer Split Ensures Both Children Benefit Equally Over Time Through Safe Investments.

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The Reason for the Unequal Gift Should Be Explained Without Hurtful Comparisons.

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The difference in amounts isn’t about playing favorites; it’s about recognizing unequal circumstances and giving the older child a stronger safety net for the future. OP’s challenging childhood has made her deeply aware of how early disadvantages can shape an entire life.

While some might worry about the best friend’s reaction, most feedback focused on what truly matters: staying true to personal values and prioritizing the children’s long-term well-being. Supporting those with fewer resources isn’t unfair; it’s an act of compassion.

Ultimately, decisions like this are about using a rare opportunity to make a lasting difference, even if it means facing a few uncomfortable conversations along the way.

Psychological Analysis

The woman's decision to give more to the older child reflects a deep emotional connection and a desire to address perceived inequalities in their circumstances. This kind of behavior often stems from our own experiences and traumas; in her case, she relates to the girl's struggles, which fuels her motivation to provide support. While her intentions are rooted in compassion, it’s important to consider how such disparities in gift-giving might affect the younger child and their relationship, potentially leading to feelings of resentment or rivalry later on.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Overall, the psychology behind gift giving is complex and multifaceted, influenced by a variety of social, cultural, and personal factors. While the woman's decision to give more to the older child may reflect her perceptions of their needs and relationship, it is essential to consider the potential implications of perceived favoritism on the recipients' relationships. As Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, states, "Favoritism can lead to feelings of resentment and can damage sibling bonds if not addressed" (Durvasula, n.d.). Understanding these nuances can help guide more thoughtful and sensitive gift-giving practices in the future, as noted by Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship researcher, who emphasizes that "the distribution of resources among loved ones can shape our emotional connections and family dynamics" (Orbuch, n.d.).