Modern Parenting Under Fire From Parents Themselves

Parenting has never come with a single rulebook. What works well in one household may completely fail in another, and every family brings its own values, limits, and challenges to the table.

Because of that, it’s risky to assume that one approach to raising children is automatically better than all others. Even with changing norms and endless online advice, basic judgment hasn’t disappeared. Recently, parents were invited to speak openly about modern parenting trends they believe are actually harmful rather than helpful.

The responses were honest, blunt, and sometimes uncomfortable. Many people felt that certain popular ideas sound good in theory but cause real problems in everyday life, both for children and for parents trying to keep a balance at home.

The discussion quickly filled with strong opinions, personal stories, and hard-earned lessons. Some parents pointed out habits that create entitlement, while others criticized approaches that avoid discipline altogether.

A few focused on how technology and social media shape behavior in ways many adults underestimate. What stood out most was how passionate people felt about protecting children, even when their views differed.

Conversations like these show that parenting is not just about trends or labels. It’s about responsibility, awareness, and long-term impact. While no single answer fits every family, listening to different experiences can help parents think more critically about the choices they make each day.

And sometimes, questioning what’s popular is just as important as trying something new.

Not getting your kids vaccinated.

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“Homeschooling” when you have absolutely no qualifications to do so.

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“Unschooling”

“Unschooling,” and to be honest, most homeschooling. I understand it when a child has serious physical or mental health issues. Otherwise, they should be in a real school with a proper curriculum and qualified professionals.Pexels

Oversharing children’s lives on social media.

Making kids into online content before they’re able to give consent puts their privacy, safety, and identity at risk, and the internet never forgets.Pexels

Gender reveal parties – extremely cringe.

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Allowing children to interrupt everything because “they’re expressing themselves”.

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Filming your child while they’re upset and sharing it online under the label of “awareness” isn’t advocacy, it’s exploitation dressed up with a filter.

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Ridiculous names with absurd spelling.

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“My daughter can’t marry until she’s 40.”

This isn’t just a modern phase. Dads need to ease up on the “my daughter can’t marry until she’s 40” talk and the “hurt my daughter, and I’ll destroy you” attitude. Threatening a 16-year-old isn’t strength, and trying to block your daughter from interacting with boys until she’s no longer under your control only sets her up for unhealthy expectations around dating.I have a 16-year-old daughter who has a boyfriend. He’s a good kid and treats her with respect. They almost certainly don’t have a long-term future, but as a first boyfriend, he’s doing a great job of showing her how she should expect to be treated.Pexels

Not reading.

Read to your children. Read for your own sake. It may not be as vital as feeding them, but it’s not far behind.

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Gentle parenting is slowly turning into no parenting, like ma'am, that child needs rules, not a podcast.

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“Good job!"

A pattern on playgrounds where parents hover over their kids, constantly guiding every move. “Good job! Be careful! Put your foot there. Yes, right there - watch out! Good job!” Parents should let kids play, fall, try, feel scared, and earn their own wins. It honestly baffles them.Pexels

One nurse shared:

Refusing vitamin K for a newborn. She has never seen a baby harmed by a vitamin K injection, but she has seen an infant die from a brain bleed that could have been prevented with a routine vitamin K shotPexels

Homeschooling, anti-vaccine beliefs, and all the nonsense that TikTok moms influence each other to follow.

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“Boy mom” culture that blends emotional enmeshment with internalised misogyny.

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Not exposing young people to things that make them uncomfortable.

This creates socially anxious teenagers who experience panic during ordinary daily interactions. Young people who are fearful of even small challenges and who never learn to trust that they can get through uncomfortable experiences.Pexels

Sad beige children.

Kids need color to support their mental and cognitive development. Children deserve a real childhood more than beige moms need unattractive aesthetic photos.Pexels

Using a child for online content, particularly when the child has a disability.

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Emotional overdependence on your children. Your children are not your closest friends. They are your children.

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Blaming teachers for their children’s shortcomings.

Bad teachers do exist, but most are genuinely doing their best. The majority care deeply about their students, yet the second a child’s grades drop, many parents are far too quick to point fingers at the teacher.The consequences of this have been shockingly harmful. My son is seven and has ADHD and autism. He’s usually a good kid, but he’s had his share of rough days at school.So far, both his first- and second-grade teachers have tiptoed around the issue when telling us about those days. Instead of saying something straightforward like “he was hitting other kids and getting too close to them,” we hear phrases like “he was expressing himself physically and needed redirection.” What does that even mean?I understand why they do it. Teachers are forced to soften everything to protect themselves from angry parents. But the ones who refuse to admit their child or their parenting might be part of the problem, and immediately blame the teacher, are making the job nearly impossible. It’s pushed teachers into this awkward, overly careful way of communicating just to avoid backlash from the worst parents.Pexels

Preparing neurodivergent kids for real life.

Not teaching neurodivergent kids how to handle adult life because it is hard and feels like asking them to stop being themselves. They are told that society should accept their differences and that they should not have to mask or pretend to be something they are not.This sounds nice and can work in schools that adapt to their needs, but then they are pushed into adult life, which often does not accept them as they are and does not adjust to their challenges. learning to cook, pay bills, or arrive on time is much harder when you are neurodivergent, and if no coping strategies are taught while growing up, it is like being dropped into deep water without knowing how to swim. Kids need to be prepared for the world as it is, not the world we wish it were.Pexels

Stop babying your kids

Coddling your children and never giving them responsibilities. I remember a friend who wanted to stain her deck and was quoted a very high price for such a small job. When I suggested that her 16-year-old could do it, she didn’t believe me.After watching a few YouTube videos and getting some tips from the hardware store, he did it himself and was very proud of the result.Teach your kids practical skills. Cleaning, cooking, fixing things. It’s not normal for a teenager not know how to vacuum or mop floors. They should know how to wash their clothes and look after the home they live in.Pexels

Letting kids anywhere near that AI

. I used to think cheating was the biggest problem back in my day, but now CheatGPT feels completely out of control, and if this keeps going, the next generation is going to end up really dumb.Pexels

Refusing to ever say no because you’re afraid it might emotionally harm them.

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Growing up doesn’t always mean something is wrong

Seeing every setback as proof that a child has mental health problems or is neurodivergent. I’m personally thankful that mental health is taken more seriously today and that conditions like autism are being identified earlier.That said, if your teenage daughter stays in bed after a breakup, it doesn’t automatically mean she has some diagnosis. It usually means she’s a 16-year-old dealing with her first real heartbreak. She might benefit from therapy, but she probably needs her mom or friends, some ice cream, and a few movies even more.Pexels

Treating children as something to fine-tune and manage, rather than as people who are free to be bored, imperfect, and fully human.

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Permissive parenting and gentle parenting are not the same

Before this discussion starts, permissive parenting is harmful. It’s when the child is in charge, and there are no clear limits.Some people have already mentioned gentle parenting, but it is not the same thing, and it leads to very different outcomes.Gentle parenting includes setting boundaries, using natural consequences, and having conversations about behavior. It is not an easy or hands-off approach. It helps children learn emotional regulation, build confidence, and develop self-respect in a home where they are not ruled by fear, physical punishment, or random discipline based on a parent’s mood. It relies on consistency, care, and kindness.Permissive parenting, on the other hand, looks like unlimited screen time and complete freedom with no rules, consequences, or guidance. It often results in entitled children who believe everything should center on them. It is parenting that avoids responsibility.Pexels

Parentification

Large families often place the responsibility for raising younger siblings on the oldest child. There are only so many hours in a day, and it becomes impossible to give every child proper attention, leading to neglect in various forms. I have seen this happen many times in big families, including my own. It is painful to witness and deeply damaging.I recently saw a post from a mother who decided to have another child because her first child is severely disabled and she is in her forties, so she wants to make sure someone will look after the sibling in the future. I honestly had no words. It is yet another clear example of parentification.Pexels

“Boy moms.” Basically, “boys will be boys” rewritten in a new font, with extra uncomfortable Oedipal undertones.

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Permissive parenting is framed as gentle parenting

Letting a tablet do the job of raising your child. Weak parental leave policies and the high cost of living wear parents down and push children into daycare almost from birth, leaving them without the time and attention needed to learn basic skills, develop good behavior, or grow into kind, functioning members of society.Pexels

The reality of youth sports dreams

Believing your child will become a professional athlete. Only about 7% of high school athletes go on to play college sports at any level. In draft-based sports like football, baseball, hockey, basketball, softball, and soccer, just 2.7% of eligible players are drafted. That means a high school athlete has roughly a 0.19% chance of turning pro.Your 8-year-old is almost certainly not in that 0.19%. There’s no need to spend tens of thousands of dollars on elite travel teams. Let kids be kids.Pexels

Overloading children with sports and extracurricular activities.

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Kids Aren’t Meant to Decide Everything

I don’t have children, but several people in my family do, and i’ve noticed something that i think needs to be talked about. Kids do need a certain level of independence in many areas, but there are also many choices they shouldn’t be making at all. Not in the sense that they should be forced into what parents want, but that some decisions should never be placed on them in the first place.Children have strong emotions and opinions, but they simply aren’t prepared to handle many types of decisions, especially those who are overly protected or constantly hovered over. A child who has never been allowed to face discomfort or challenges can’t reasonably decide how to handle difficult responsibilities or unpleasant situations. They’re not capable of it. In the end, this only creates problems for everyone involved and sets the child up to struggle later on.Pexels

That not everyone wins; we should stop giving trophies to everyone, and focus on being a parent rather than trying to be their best friend.

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Weak parenting. Making it seem acceptable for children to be exposed to adult, serious matters. Turning a child’s upbringing into content for profit through influencer parenting.

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Using children as social media content. The complete lack of privacy some of them face from the very start of life is deeply unsettling.

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“Kids today are weak, soft, stupid, and lazy, and they will be the end of us.”

Not really a new idea, just one that shows up with every generation.“Kids today are weak, soft, stupid, and lazy, and they will be the end of us.”Every generation, going back to ancient times, has been labeled “those kids” by someone older. Yet those kids never destroyed the world or turned it into a fragile, decadent mess; we wouldn’t be here. Our parents were called the same things when they were young. Stupid people have always existed, too, not just suddenly appeared in the last ten years.Pexels

Leaving kids glued to screens is a mistake

Leaving a child in front of a screen can be extremely harmful. I don’t care that modern life is tougher, that time is scarce, work hours are longer, and stress is constant.These devices are dulling kids’ minds and pushing them toward passive behavior. They’ll have a harder time at school, miss out on building critical thinking, and some may turn into disconnected tech zombies. Don’t do it.Pexels

Kids at concerts are ruining the experience

How about taking your kids to concerts they couldn’t care less about instead of hiring a babysitter? Concerts used to be one of the few adult-only escapes outside of bars.But every show I’ve attended over the past two years has turned into chaos, with young kids screaming, running wild, and parents ignoring it until they start arguing with adults for using adult language near children who should be at home asleep anyway. So who actually gets to enjoy the music? No one!Pexels

Pacifying your toddler by giving them a screen.

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Parents calling their toddlers “bestie” and then wondering why the child never listens.

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Doing everything for our children. They never learn how to solve problems.

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Claiming you are practicing “gentle parenting” when you are not. Gentle parenting means treating children as human beings with real emotions and needs. It is not a trendy label that excuses neglectful parenting without consequences.

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Treating children like small adults instead of letting them be kids.

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Tablet babysitters.

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Giving children phones too early. Parents who choose not to do it often see their child excluded, even though realistically no one under 16 truly needs a phone.

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Parents giving up authority to their children, as though a seven-year-old should have an equal voice in the decision.

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Lack of routine, structure, and discipline.

Children feel secure with these things. Many people don’t realize that a large number of behavioral, mental, and emotional issues in kids stem from feeling unsafe when parents or other adults fail to provide them.

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Elf on the shelf. Get rid of it.

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Why avoiding these issues only makes them worse.

Not referring to physical fights. Children will hit, kick, and hurt others, sometimes on purpose and sometimes by accident. Avoiding the topic does not stop it from happening; it only leaves everyone less prepared to handle it.Another issue is keeping children in diapers until they are “ready,” say they want to stop, or until summer break. We are taught that diapers can cause skin and bowel issues, and that training should begin as early as possible, ideally by age two, during regular doctor checkups.Our daycare was surprised our son was out of diapers at that age and said no one listens anymore. I have nieces who were still in diapers at four with no medical reason, simply because no one made the effort. It will be messy at any age, so just do it.Pexels

Gentle parenting creates badly behaved kids, followed by parents proudly showing it off.

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At the end of the day, most parents are just trying to do right by their kids. There’s no perfect method, only choices made with good intentions and learned along the way.

Hearing different opinions can be uncomfortable, but it also sparks reflection. What matters most isn’t following trends, but paying attention to what truly helps children grow.