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Mom Excludes Bully From Her Daughter's Surprise Party, But The Teacher Thinks The Mom Is Overreacting

The bully has been making fun of her daughter for being Korean, the food she brings to school, and her eyes.

Mom Excludes Bully From Her Daughter's Surprise Party, But The Teacher Thinks The Mom Is Overreacting

A lot of our happy memories from childhood come from family events and celebrations. Kids especially love celebrating their birthdays with family, friends, and classmates.

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Inviting your whole class is considered the norm, but this becomes more complicated when the birthday celebrant does not get along with a child for some reason or another. If it's serious enough, chances are the other child won't be invited to the party.

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This mom experienced the same dilemma before her daughter's sixth birthday. Her daughter's birthday is in a few weeks, and OP wanted to throw a surprise party for her child.

OP distributed the invitations to her daughter's classmates while her child was distracted by the end-of-the-year class party. Everyone received an invite except for one child.

This child has been bullying OP's daughter about her ethnicity. OP's daughter is Korean, and most of the students in the school are Caucasian.

This particular bully has been giving OP's daughter a hard time since the start of the school year. OP's daughter has been called names, and this child has made fun of her eyes and her packed lunch; it even escalated into physical bullying.

OP didn't want to give the child a chance to ruin her daughter's birthday, so she decided not to invite her. The following day, when OP picked her daughter up from school, the teacher pulled OP aside to talk to her.

The teacher thinks OP's choice not to invite the bully was inappropriate, just because OP's daughter couldn't take a little teasing.

He said that OP's daughter getting bullied, or in his terms, teased, doesn't give OP the right to exclude a child. OP responded that unless the teacher can get the child to immediately stop bullying OP's daughter, she will not be invited to the party.

The bully's mom has reached out to OP about the invitation, but she never once apologized for her daughter's behavior. OP's husband is on her side, but OP can't help but feel a little guilt.

The teacher thinks OP's choice not to invite the bully was inappropriate, just because OP's daughter couldn't take a little teasing.someserioustoast
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She says she knows what it's like to be an outcast, but she knows she did the right thing. Is OP an a**hole for not inviting her daughter's bully?

She says she knows what it's like to be an outcast, but she knows she did the right thing. Is OP an a**hole for not inviting her daughter's bully?someserioustoast
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"So I decided not to invite her."

someserioustoast someserioustoast

"None of whom are apologizing for their daughter's actions."

someserioustoast

The majority of the comments were supportive of OP and critical of the teacher's reaction.

The majority of the comments were supportive of OP and critical of the teacher's reaction.Whysoblest

They also correctly pointed out that the bully will not learn about proper boundaries if the teacher punishes the wrong person.

They also correctly pointed out that the bully will not learn about proper boundaries if the teacher punishes the wrong person.feralheartHH

The one thing OP did wrong was handing out the invites at school, as it is usually prohibited to avoid these types of exclusions.

The one thing OP did wrong was handing out the invites at school, as it is usually prohibited to avoid these types of exclusions.PerturbedHamster

OP can and should talk to the administration about the bullying.

OP can and should talk to the administration about the bullying.PerturbedHamster

Still, the teacher downplaying the bullying as teasing is simply wrong.

Still, the teacher downplaying the bullying as teasing is simply wrong.birdywrites1742

Racism is wrong and should be addressed at an early age.

Racism is wrong and should be addressed at an early age.blucougar57

OP is reacting like any parent would—prioritizing her own child over her literal bully is not offensive.

OP is reacting like any parent would—prioritizing her own child over her literal bully is not offensive.mizfit0416

He tells OP about the bullying, but he doesn't do anything about it, thereby enabling it.

He tells OP about the bullying, but he doesn't do anything about it, thereby enabling it.LissaBryan

OP did the right thing by showing her daughter that she has her back.

OP did the right thing by showing her daughter that she has her back.Desperate_Waltz5657

OP could be an exception to the rule.

OP could be an exception to the rule.rak1882

OP can take it further and talk to the principal about separating her daughter from the bully in the next school year.

OP can take it further and talk to the principal about separating her daughter from the bully in the next school year.rak1882

Victims of bullying shouldn't be forced to spend time with their tormentor, especially on their birthdays.

Victims of bullying shouldn't be forced to spend time with their tormentor, especially on their birthdays.Normal-Height-8577

OP answered a few questions, and it turns out her daughter's school does not explicitly prohibit handing out invites at school.

OP answered a few questions, and it turns out her daughter's school does not explicitly prohibit handing out invites at school.No-Locksmith-8590, someserioustoast

OP has also proactively ensured her daughter will not be forced to stay in the same classroom as her bully.

OP has also proactively ensured her daughter will not be forced to stay in the same classroom as her bully.kimiq92, someserioustoast

Some said OP could have handed out the invitations more discreetly, but OP says she won't play nice with someone who has bullied her daughter simply for being Korean.

Some said OP could have handed out the invitations more discreetly, but OP says she won't play nice with someone who has bullied her daughter simply for being Korean.Acrobatic_End6355, someserioustoast

OP replied to yet another comment urging her to be nicer to the bully, stating that she shouldn't be expected to cater to a bullying child if the other kids know how to behave themselves.

OP replied to yet another comment urging her to be nicer to the bully, stating that she shouldn't be expected to cater to a bullying child if the other kids know how to behave themselves.hacksonmarie, someserioustoast

We can kind of see where the six-year-old bully gets her attitude from.

We can kind of see where the six-year-old bully gets her attitude from.someserioustoast

They claimed OP's behavior could be considered bullying, and it's worse because she retaliated against a child.

They claimed OP's behavior could be considered bullying, and it's worse because she retaliated against a child.Bicoastalgigi

The hurt responded and explained what her daughter has been through at the hands of that bully.

The hurt responded and explained what her daughter has been through at the hands of that bully.someserioustoast

Of course, a discussion about racially motivated bullying cannot be complete without someone quoting Martin Luther King Jr. to defend the racist bully.

Of course, a discussion about racially motivated bullying cannot be complete without someone quoting Martin Luther King Jr. to defend the racist bully.Impossible-Sample724, someserioustoast

It's awful to think that racism starts this early. It's disgusting that the six-year-old bully's behavior was probably learned and enabled at home.

OP was well within her rights to not invite her daughter's bully to her child's birthday party. She did what any mom would do: put their child's happiness and safety above everything else.

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