She Thought Her Boyfriend’s Mom Was Just Being Traditional — Until She Realized She Was Secretly Feeding Her Meat

For three years, this 24-year-old woman has been in what she thought was a loving, respectful relationship with her 29-year-old boyfriend. They come from different cultural backgrounds, but until recently, that never seemed to matter.

She’s been a vegetarian for over a decade, a decision she made as a teen out of compassion for animals. Her family supported her choice completely, and she’s never once pushed her beliefs on anyone else.

When she met her boyfriend’s family, she genuinely liked them. His dad was warm, his siblings were funny and kind, and even with a language barrier, they made her feel welcome.

But one person stood out as a bit of a challenge — his mother. At first, it seemed like harmless miscommunication, but soon, the problem became impossible to ignore.

Every time she visited, her boyfriend’s mom would serve her food that contained meat. Sometimes, it was obvious (a piece of chicken here or there), but other times, it was hidden in sauces, stews, or broth made from bones.

At first, she gave the benefit of the doubt. Maybe his mom didn’t fully understand what “vegetarian” meant, or maybe it was just a cultural difference in how food was prepared.

But then came the moments that made her stomach turn, literally and emotionally. His mom would smile sweetly, assure her the dish was vegetarian, and only after she’d eaten, proudly reveal that it wasn’t.

She tried explaining again and again what she could and couldn’t eat. Her boyfriend even spoke to his mom a few times, telling her to stop sneaking meat into the food.

Still, nothing changed. Instead, his mom started treating her boundaries like a challenge, a game of “let’s see what she’ll eat next.”

Her boyfriend began defending his mother, saying it was “rude” to reject her food and calling it a cultural misunderstanding. He even got angry when she hinted that his mom’s behavior made her uncomfortable.

She tried to stay respectful, offering to cook her own meals or help prepare something they could all enjoy. But that only made things worse, as his mom took it as an insult to her cooking.

After years of walking on eggshells, or rather, around meat, she finally reached her breaking point. It wasn’t just about food anymore; it was about trust, respect, and how much she was willing to tolerate for the sake of keeping peace.

The OP admitted she’s a people pleaser and struggles to stand up for herself. But she’s learning that kindness doesn’t mean letting others cross your boundaries.

When she shared her story online, she was overwhelmed by the response. Some people sympathized deeply, while others judged harshly, calling her weak for not putting her foot down sooner.

The criticism stung, but it also opened her eyes. She realized that in trying to be accommodating, she had let someone else completely disregard her values and well-being.

Now, she’s facing the painful truth that her relationship might not survive this. Respect is non-negotiable, and if her boyfriend couldn’t see the harm in what his mother was doing, then maybe it was time to walk away.

In the end, she made a promise to herself: never again would she let anyone force her to eat meat. More importantly, she’d never again let anyone make her feel small for standing by her own beliefs.

She knows it’ll take time to heal, to process, and to rebuild her confidence. But one thing’s for sure... the next time someone serves her a plate, she’ll make sure it comes with honesty and respect, not hidden ingredients.

After years of walking on eggshells, she finally reached her breaking point.

AI-generated image

Here's the original post by Reddit user 'Unhealthystudent-316'.

I (24 F) have been together with my boyfriend (29 M) for 3 years now. We are from different cultural backgrounds, although it's not very noticeable in our everyday lives or in the relationship in general. I have been a vegetarian for 10 years now. It was something I chose in my early teens, as I have always felt a deep connection to animals. It was always respected by my family and was never a problem in our household. That said - I have always, and I mean ALWAYS, respected everyone's personal decisions. I would never even suggest to someone that they should become a vegetarian - that is not my choice, not my life, and not my business. So, I have obviously gotten to know my boyfriend's family well during the 3 years that we have been together. I like them all a lot - even love them. His father is welcoming and warm, his siblings are funny and kind, and all of them try to help me understand all of their conversations (me and my boyfriend have different native languages). The only issue I have experienced is with his mother. Don't get me wrong, I like his mother, I really do; however, there has been one reccuring problem that has grown more evident throughout the years. The main topic of conflict between me and my boyfriend's mother is the fact that my "MIL" is always trying to serve me meat. She insists on serving me dishes with either larger pieces of meat, or sometimes even disguises it by mixing small chunks of meat throughout the dish. She has also insisted that a meal is vegetarian while actually using broth made from meat and bones. She usually says that something is vegetarian, so that I will try it, and later reveals that it is actually made from meat. I understand that it sometimes can be difficult to know which products are vegetarian and which are not. The issue, however, is that I have tried, time and time again, to explain and clarify what I can and cannot eat. The first few times I visited their home, I had to turn down food with meat in it and explain why. After that, she started "hiding" the fact that some dishes are made with meat. My boyfriend has stood up for me a few times and told his mom off for continuing to serve me meat-based food, as it can also cause my stomach to become quite upset. He has, however, also said that it is considered rude of me to refuse to eat his mother's food and has explained her actions as a difference in culture. He has even been mad at me for implying that his mom can't cook, or that I don't respect their culture. I, of course, do not refuse to eat everything my "MIL" cooks, but at some point, I started getting frustrated and suspicious of some of the things she cooks. I have even asked my boyfriend if I can cook, or at least help cook, my own meal (this did not help the situation). I understand that there are cultural differences, and I really do not want to come off as rude, inconsiderate or ungrateful, as she is hosting us both when we visit their home. But at some point, I feel like I need to stand up for myself. So, AITA? Edit: I have noticed that a lot of people have found my previous post. I have deleted it for my own peace, as I have gotten a lot of judgement from it. I know it is easy to pass judgement on people on the internet, but as all humans, relationships are complicated and sometimes it is easy to judge without having full insight into a situation. I am a bit overwhelmed by all the responses, so I will ty to respond in my own time. And yes, I am a people pleaser and have had issues to stand up for myself, I am trying to work on that. EDIT 2: I have gotten a lot of negativity these past 2 days from this post. I did not realize the effect me posting on Reddit could have on my personal life, I have started to now. I truly appreciate all of the advice I have gotten, especially the advice relating to my relationship, and I also see where I am faulty as a person and how I should work on myself. I am not perfect, hence the post on AITA. My goal is to try to understand different perspectives, being respectful and showing kindness, but I see now that I have a lot to work on. I am 24 y/o., soon 25, so fortunately I still have some time to evolve and grow as a person. I will continue to take all of your opinions into consideration, but this has mentally drained me. I do not fault anyone other than myself for exposing my private life and my personality; I put myself in the situation to be judged by a lot of people, so I completely accept and embrace that people might not think that I am the AH in this situation, but still think that I am not a good person. I will at this time not be responding to a lot of comments, as this simply takes up too much time. That said, I now need to make a very difficult decision in my personal life. I need to reflect, process and ultimately act. My relationship is most likely over, so I need to give myself a chance to grieve and get myself back on my feet. I will finish off by saying - I will never again eat, or be forced to eat, meat. I will also start putting firmer boundaries and expect more from any potential future partners. Thank you

Understanding Cultural Differences

Cultural differences can shape family dynamics significantly. Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned relationship expert, emphasizes that understanding these dynamics is crucial for sustaining healthy relationships.

She notes, 'When partners come from different backgrounds, they may have conflicting values and expectations, which can lead to misunderstandings.' In situations like the one described, open dialogue about dietary restrictions is essential.

Encouraging discussions about personal beliefs can foster mutual respect and understanding, mitigating feelings of betrayal in such scenarios.

Here's how the Reddit community reacted.

Reddit u/alohachrista

Restaurants only!

Reddit u/awkwardlyherdingcats

To navigate cultural complexities in relationships, experts suggest proactive communication. A relationship expert highlights that setting clear boundaries is vital.

For example, sharing dietary preferences upfront can prevent misunderstandings like the one in the article. Couples could benefit from scheduling regular check-ins to ensure both partners feel respected.

Additionally, exploring each other's cultural backgrounds can enhance mutual appreciation and understanding, leading to a stronger bond.

"She's controlling."

Reddit u/mightywarrior411

"This could be a deal-breaker."

Reddit u/MzLa3rinity2001

"There is no culture that excuses this."

Reddit u/Financial_Bowl9440

The Impact of Deception

When it comes to trust in relationships, deception can have profound effects. Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship researcher, explains that trust is built through transparency.

He states, 'Even small acts of deception can erode trust and create emotional distance.' In this case, the woman may feel betrayed by her partner's mother’s actions.

Addressing these issues openly can help rebuild trust and clarify expectations moving forward, reinforcing the bond between partners.

"I would honestly rethink the relationship."

Reddit u/Hailstar07

"She knows what she's doing."

Reddit u/Anxious-Routine-5526

"He values his mother's feelings more than your health."

Reddit u/Sheibe123

Psychologists often recommend establishing a clear dialogue about food preferences and dietary choices in relationships. A practical approach is for both partners to create a list of their preferences and boundaries.

This proactive step not only promotes understanding but also helps to avoid future conflicts. Couples can also benefit from attending cultural events together to deepen their appreciation for each other's backgrounds.

Ultimately, fostering an open environment where concerns can be raised without judgment is essential for long-term relationship health.

She isn't the only problem here.

Reddit u/JustWowinCA

"It doesn't sound like he respects you at all."

Reddit u/Filosifee

"Your best bet here is to end the relationship."

Reddit u/CrazyOldBag

The Role of Compassion in Dietary Choices

Compassionate choices regarding food can reflect broader ethical beliefs. Dr. David Katz, a respected nutrition expert, emphasizes the importance of understanding dietary restrictions.

He states, 'Food choices often stem from a place of personal ethics, and respecting those choices is crucial in any relationship.' Encouraging discussions about why someone follows a vegetarian lifestyle can deepen understanding and respect.

Moreover, finding common ground, like exploring vegetarian recipes together, could strengthen the relationship.

"Disgusting behavior."

Reddit u/icecreampenis

A classic display of passive-aggression.

Reddit u/KetoLurkerHereAgain

"That's not culture."

Reddit u/ParadeQueen

In conclusion, navigating cultural differences requires openness and respect. Acknowledging each other's beliefs, especially concerning dietary choices, is essential in fostering healthy relationships.

As noted by relationship experts, establishing clear communication can prevent misunderstandings and build trust. Couples should engage in ongoing discussions about their backgrounds, preferences, and boundaries.

Ultimately, these practices can lead to a more profound understanding and respect, creating a solid foundation for the future.

"That's sabotage."

Reddit u/delfinis7

In the end, she realized this wasn’t just about food — it was about self-respect. Standing up for herself wasn’t rude or dramatic; it was necessary.

She learned that love shouldn’t come with conditions or hidden ingredients, and kindness shouldn’t mean silence. Now, she’s walking away stronger, wiser, and ready to live by her values — unapologetically this time.

Because sometimes, the hardest part of growing up isn’t learning to say “no” to meat — it’s learning to say “no” to people who refuse to respect your choices.

Expert Opinion

This situation highlights how deeply intertwined cultural norms and personal boundaries can be in relationships. The mother-in-law's behavior may stem from a desire to assert her cultural beliefs, perhaps viewing food as a means of connection, but it clearly disregards the girlfriend's autonomy and values. It’s a classic example of how failing to communicate and respect boundaries can erode trust, ultimately leading to a critical reevaluation of the relationship.

To foster healthier relationships, it’s essential to address underlying cultural dynamics and dietary choices openly. Experts like Dr. Esther Perel suggest that when partners communicate their beliefs and preferences, they cultivate a deeper understanding of one another.

Moreover, practicing compassion and transparency can significantly mitigate feelings of betrayal, as seen in the situation described. Implementing regular discussions about each other’s needs will enhance trust and connection, ultimately leading to a more satisfying partnership.