Redditor's Mom Throws Out Her Choker Collection Because "Wearing A Choker Is Just Screaming That You Are A Whore"

We all like to express our individuality through the way we dress and accessorize. So when someone says they don't like our style, it can feel like a very personal attack.

Reddit user u/ReptileMom0w0 recently shared a story in the r/entitledparents subreddit about how her mom threw out her choker collection. The OP explained that her parents are "extremely Christian," and they both work for the church.

The Redditor says she is also Christian; however, she likes to wear gothic clothing because it makes her happy. Her mother doesn't like it but lets it slide since the OP is an adult.

The Redditor says her mom has been pretty chill about the "goth thing," but recently, the OP was looking for her collection of chokers and couldn't find them anywhere. When she asked her mom if she knew where they were, her mom said she threw them out because "wearing a choker is just screaming that you are a whore."

The OP was shocked that her mother would say such a thing, especially since she has been in a committed relationship with her boyfriend for two years. So she yelled at her mom before leaving to vent to her best friend.

The OP's friend gave her two new chokers, and the OP says she will be keeping them at her friend's house so that her mom can't get hold of them.

The Redditor is still angry with her mom and says she will now have to start her choker collection all over again. Keep scrolling to see how people reacted.

The OP posted about how her mom threw away all her chokers.

Reddit/ReptileMom0w0

She explained that her parents are "extremely Christian," and both work for the church.

Reddit/ReptileMom0w0

Recently, the OP was looking for her chokers and couldn't find them anywhere.

Reddit/ReptileMom0w0

Understanding Parental Influence on Identity

This incident underscores the significant impact of parental beliefs on a child's self-perception and identity formation. Dr. Madeline Levine, a clinical psychologist and author, states, "Parents often unconsciously project their own fears and values onto their children, which can significantly shape how children view themselves and their choices." This dynamic can lead to children feeling pressured to conform to parental expectations. Furthermore, Dr. Janet Lansbury, a respected parenting expert, emphasizes that "the way parents communicate their beliefs can either empower or diminish a child's self-esteem and sense of autonomy." For more insights on this topic, you can visit Dr. Janet Lansbury's website.

The Redditor's mom said she threw them away because "wearing a choker is just screaming that you are a whore."

Reddit/ReptileMom0w0

The OP yelled at her mom before venting to her best friend.

Reddit/ReptileMom0w0

Now the OP says she will have to start her choker collection all over again.

Reddit/ReptileMom0w0

Moreover, the emotional response to the choker collection reveals how deeply personal identity can be tied to external validation. When parents impose rigid beliefs about what is acceptable, it can lead to feelings of shame and rebellion in children. This aligns with findings from developmental psychology, suggesting that adolescents often struggle with identity formation when faced with conflicting messages from authority figures.

Encouraging self-expression and autonomy is crucial for healthy identity development. Studies show that children who feel supported in their choices are more likely to develop a positive self-image and resilience.

Here's how people reacted.

Reddit/stangAce20

It's not a fact!

Reddit/HEADSHOT_YOUTUBE

"Religious nutcase types always yell the loudest."

Reddit/travelingtutor

The Psychological Impact of Shame

This scenario also highlights the psychological effects of shame, which can be profoundly damaging to a child's sense of self. Shame often arises when individuals feel they don't meet certain standards set by others, leading to internalized negative beliefs about themselves. Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in self-compassion, states, "When we are ashamed, we tend to withdraw and hide, which can inhibit self-expression and lead to maladaptive behaviors" on her website self-compassion.org.

To counteract these effects, therapists emphasize the importance of cultivating self-compassion and understanding. Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a renowned parenting expert, notes, "Teaching children to embrace their individuality and appreciate their unique qualities can mitigate the impact of shame and promote healthier self-esteem" on her site drshefali.com.

"Can confirm."

Reddit/cuppitycupcake

Let the dragon babysit them!

Reddit/Adarie-Glitterwings

"Your mom is so wrong."

Reddit/BufferingJuffy

Promoting Healthy Self-Expression

To foster positive identity development, parents should encourage open discussions about self-expression and individuality. Creating an environment where children feel safe to explore their identities is vital. According to Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a renowned parenting expert, "When children feel accepted for who they are, they develop a stronger sense of self." Supporting children's choices and interests promotes autonomy and self-confidence.

Moreover, parents can model healthy self-acceptance by sharing their own experiences and challenges with self-image. As Dr. Becky Kennedy states, "By being vulnerable and open about our own struggles, we teach our children that it's okay to feel and express their emotions," which can help children navigate their feelings of shame and self-worth.

I thought it was tank tops!

Reddit/aimeehintz2015

"Tale as old as time."

Reddit/coralwaters226

Stating the obvious.

Reddit/dribdrib

"See how she likes it."

Reddit/LibraryMouse4321

"That's literally theft."

Reddit/phoenixflamelove45

"Chokers come from old school fashion."

Reddit/grumpymuppett

"Imagine being threatened by a piece of jewelry."

Reddit/i_am_who_knocks

"Your mom shouldn't touch your things."

Reddit/Wendy_Domino

And "only people in gangs wear denim jackets."

Reddit/SuperSassyPantz

What are your thoughts on this situation? Do you think the OP is overreacting, or was her mom out of line for throwing out her choker collection?

Either way, the OP is an adult and should be allowed to make her own fashion choices. It doesn't seem fair for the OP's mom to be rifling through her things.

We would love to hear your opinions on this. You can share your thoughts with us in the comment section.

Psychological Analysis

This incident illustrates the profound effects of parental beliefs on children's self-image and identity. It suggests that rigid expectations can create internal conflict, where children struggle to reconcile their unique identities with imposed values.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, the dynamics surrounding parental influence and identity formation are complex and nuanced. Understanding the psychological impact of parental beliefs is essential for fostering a positive self-image in children. According to developmental psychology research, nurturing an environment of acceptance and open dialogue is key to promoting healthy self-expression.