New Mom Stands Up To Retired Doctor Father-In-Law's Unsolicited Advice

A new mother recently shared an encounter with her father-in-law (FIL) that left her questioning her reaction. Just a week postpartum and in the midst of recovery, she faced unsolicited advice and comments from her FIL, a retired general practitioner, which she found intrusive and insensitive.

During her third trimester, the mother noticed that her FIL often offered unwarranted medical opinions despite her having a highly regarded endocrinologist overseeing her care for gestational diabetes (GD). He suggested early induction and raised concerns about potential stillbirth due to her age and GD, which she found distressing.

She had communicated to her husband that any further comments about her body and birth choices would lead to a confrontation. The incident escalated when her FIL visited to see the new baby.

He asked if she had started exercising despite her OB and physiotherapist recommending bed rest and gradual activity. He then questioned her weight and implied that she should be careful about diabetes and getting back in shape.

This led the mother to firmly tell her FIL to stop commenting on her body, emphasizing that she had a team of doctors managing her care. She warned that further unsolicited advice would result in restricting his visits.

Though her FIL apologized, he left looking sad, which made her doubt whether she had been too harsh.

OP starts - My FIL is a retired doctor, a GP to be precise

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He seemed to disagree

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Navigating Unsolicited Advice

Unsolicited advice, especially from family members, can be a source of significant stress for new parents.

Dr. Sarah Mitchell, a family psychologist, explains that this behavior often stems from a desire to help, but it can inadvertently undermine the confidence of new parents.

Research indicates that new parents who feel supported rather than criticized tend to adjust better to their new roles and report higher levels of satisfaction.

I would have a word with him.

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My physio advised half an hour on my feet per day

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In this case, the retired doctor father-in-law's comments may reflect his own unresolved issues regarding control and expertise.

Studies show that individuals often project their own experiences and insecurities onto others, especially in family settings, which can lead to conflicts when roles shift.

I look appropriate for one week postpartum

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I told him to keep his nose out of my body

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The Reddit community offered diverse opinions on the situation:

One user commented, "You're not the a-hole. Your FIL needs to respect the boundaries and the fact that you're already under professional medical care. His comments were out of line."

Another wrote, "It’s understandable why you reacted that way. Postpartum is a sensitive time, and unsolicited advice, especially about your body, is not appropriate."

Some commenters suggested empathy towards the FIL, recognizing that his concern might come from a good place but agreeing that his approach was wrong. They advised having a calm discussion about boundaries to prevent future issues.

He has a history of depression

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He can keep his comments to himself

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The Importance of Emotional Boundaries

Establishing emotional boundaries is critical for new parents navigating unsolicited advice.

A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology emphasizes that clear communication about what is and isn't helpful can foster more supportive environments.

By articulating their needs, new parents can create a space where they feel empowered to make their own choices.

Yikes. FIL needed to be put in his place

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He needed to be told/reminded that you are following your doctor’s advice

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What do you think about this scenario? Was the mother right to firmly set boundaries with her father-in-law, or should she have handled his concerns differently?

Dealing with unsolicited advice from family members can be challenging, especially during sensitive times. How would you navigate such a situation? Would you set clear boundaries, or would you approach the advice differently?

Share your thoughts and let us know what actions you would take in this situation. Your insights might help others facing similar challenges.

He was completely out of line in his comments about your weight

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Psychological Analysis

This situation underscores the common tension between experienced family members and new parents. It's vital for families to create supportive environments that respect boundaries while still allowing for shared wisdom, ultimately benefiting everyone involved.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Overall, managing unsolicited advice requires a combination of assertiveness and empathy.

As Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a relationship therapist, emphasizes on her website, "Establishing clear boundaries is essential for new parents to feel empowered and supported in their parenting journey" (dralexandrasolomon.com). New parents who set these boundaries often report increased confidence as they navigate their new roles.

To address the situation effectively, new parents might consider employing techniques such as assertive communication.

Saying something like, 'I appreciate your concern, but I prefer to follow my instincts,' can assert their autonomy while acknowledging the other person's intent.

Research highlights that such approaches can mitigate defensiveness and foster healthier interactions.