Redditor Wonders If She Should Tell Mom Why None Of Her Siblings Or Kids Want To Spend Time With Her

A 28-year-old woman is staring at a pretty brutal family pattern, nobody from her siblings to her own kids wants to spend time with her, and it all seems to trace back to one habit her mom can’t seem to quit.

Her mother “shares” by taking other people’s stuff and giving it away to folks she decides are less privileged. The OP has tried talking about it, but when she brings it up, her mom gets snarky, then keeps doing the same thing, just not to the OP. The end result, her grandchildren avoid visits because they’re scared their things will vanish the second they walk in.

Now the OP is wondering if she should finally tell her mom why the whole family keeps backing away.

The Redditor asked if she would be an a**hole for telling her mom why none of her siblings or their kids want to spend time with her.

Reddit/Pretend-Panda

The OP explained that her mother likes to give people's things away.

The emotional distance that often arises among family members can reflect deeper psychological issues, such as unresolved conflicts or unmet emotional needs. Individuals may withdraw from family interactions as a defense mechanism against perceived emotional pain or rejection. This distancing can create a feedback loop, where the lack of communication exacerbates feelings of isolation, leading to further withdrawal.

Understanding these dynamics is crucial for facilitating healing and reconnection within families.

In the last ten years, the OP says her mom has become very aware of her privilege, so she likes to "share" her family's things with others.

The OP's mom takes things that belong to other family members and gives them away to people she deems less privileged.

That “snarky” blowup happened after the OP tried to explain why her siblings and kids stopped coming around.

Child development experts highlight that patterns of disengagement among family members can often stem from childhood experiences of neglect or emotional invalidation. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that children who felt unsupported in their emotional expression often grow into adults who struggle to maintain close familial ties. Recognizing these patterns can be the first step toward breaking the cycle of emotional distance.

For this reason, her grandchildren no longer want to visit her because they're afraid she will take their things and give them away.

The OP says she has tried to discuss this with her mom, but she became "snarky" with her and continued doing the same thing to everyone else except her.

Rebuilding Connections Within the Family

This situation presents an opportunity for family members to engage in open and honest conversations about their feelings and needs. Utilizing therapeutic techniques, such as active listening and empathy-building exercises, can help family members reconnect and address underlying issues.

Moreover, creating regular family check-ins can foster an environment where everyone feels valued and heard, reducing the likelihood of disconnection.

The OP's mom called her upset because the grandchildren were going to visit their grandfather and his girlfriend, but they wouldn't come to see her.

Of course, the OP's mom doesn't believe that her behavior is wrong, so she is hurt and doesn't understand why her grandchildren don't want to visit her.

The moment her mom kept giving away everyone else’s belongings, the fear spread to the grandchildren, and visits started drying up fast.

This is similar to OP refusing to lend money to a friend after reckless spending caused a crisis.

Addressing the root causes of family disconnection often requires courage and vulnerability. Family members can benefit from engaging in exercises that encourage vulnerability, such as sharing their emotional experiences during family gatherings.

These practices can help mend relationships and create a more cohesive family unit, ultimately leading to a healthier emotional environment.

The Redditor says the grandchildren miss spending time with their grandmother, but they're fed up with their things being taken and given away.

Recently, the OP's nieces and nephews asked her to talk to her mom about it again.

What are your thoughts on this situation? Would the OP be out of line to bring this up with her mom again, or does it need to be done, considering her grandchildren are being affected by her behavior?

We would love to hear your opinions on this. You can share your thoughts with us in the comment section.

But the OP is reluctant because she knows the only way to get through to her mom is to be ruthless.

The OP says she's willing to do it for her nieces and nephews, but she's wondering if it will make her an a**hole.

Here's how people reacted.

Reddit/Fantastic_Cow_6819

"Something is really off with this behavior."

Reddit/JMellor737

Time for an intervention.

Reddit/Scorp128

"It is deranged."

Reddit/LittleDirtyBitch

It's not healthy for the children.

Reddit/WanderGoldfinch

YWNBTA.

Reddit/sbinjax

She needs some help.

Reddit/Organic_Start_420

"She needs to fully face the wrongs she dealt to her family."

Reddit/Choice_Bid_7941

"It's theft!"

Reddit/MerryMoose923

The OP noticed her mom only stopped taking from her, which made the “sharing” feel like favoritism, not generosity.

So now the OP is weighing one risky truth, tell Mom the real reason, or keep swallowing it to avoid another round of attitude.

In this situation, the emotional distance highlighted by the Redditor reflects a deeper issue within family dynamics.

Her mom might be shocked, but the family dinner did not end well.

Before you tell your mom why nobody visits, read how OP handled an overspending friend’s constant money asks in Should I Stop Financially Supporting My Overspending Friend?.