Mother Gets Blasted Online For Refusing To Take Accountability On Daughter's Mental Issues, Blames It On Her Personality And Not On Her Parenting Style

Relationships in general are complicated—what more of family relationships? These relationships–especially parent-child relationships–are essential in nurturing the attitude and behavior of the child.

The formative years of an individual have a lasting influence on a person’s attitude and personality. This is why parent-child relationships should be built on mutual respect and understanding—but many parents don't seem to think of it that way, unfortunately.

There is no picture-perfect way of raising a child–parents are just humans, after all. However, there are instances when a person can judge whether or not bad parenting is at work.

It is hard for an individual to share what they really feel, especially when the receiving end has authority over them. Many children hide their emotions from their parents–this can be because they are afraid that their parents will dismiss said emotions, or generally feel like it will do more harm than good.

What is the basis of right or wrong parenting–why does the child feel this way? Are the parents the only ones to blame, or does the child play a part in it, too?

In this particular case, OP is a parent–a mother to be precise–that turns to Reddit to ask if she was an A-hole for blaming her child instead of acknowledging her parental shortcomings.

Let's dive into the drama:

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OP admits that she and her daughter do not have a good relationship. She states her reasons.

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Comparing the difference of how she treated her older and younger daughter, she was stricter with the former. She confesses that she raised her with “outdated non-western principles.”

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The complexities of parent-child relationships are often influenced by attachment styles developed during early childhood. According to research published in Psychological Science, children who experience inconsistent parenting may develop anxious or avoidant attachment styles, which can lead to mental health issues later in life.

This dynamic is evident in the article's case, where the mother deflects responsibility for her daughter's mental health challenges. A study by Dr. Mary Main at UC Berkeley on attachment theory highlights how a caregiver’s responsiveness can significantly shape a child’s emotional and psychological development. When parents fail to provide a secure base, children may struggle with self-regulation and interpersonal relationships.

Understanding Mental Health and Accountability

Parental accountability in addressing children's mental health issues is crucial for their development and well-being. Research shows that when parents refuse to acknowledge their role in a child's mental health struggles, it can perpetuate harmful cycles of blame and misunderstanding. In this case, the mother’s refusal to take responsibility for her daughter's mental issues suggests a lack of awareness about how familial dynamics can impact a child's emotional state.

According to studies published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, parental involvement is significantly linked to children's mental health outcomes, highlighting the importance of accountability.

OP trying to understand her daughter’s depression led to them arguing. OP tries to converse with the older daughter about the topic, but the daughter doesn’t want to–sooner or later, OP asks a question that really caused her child to burst.

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OP’s daughter speaks out what she felt all those years ago. She broached one of the moments that really stuck to her.

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OP, in retrospect, realizes that negative reinforcement “wasn’t the right way” of handling the situation. The mom reasons out that she and her husband only did that because they want their daughters to have a better life than them.

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The Role of Accountability in Parenting

Accountability in parenting is not just about acknowledging mistakes; it's a crucial aspect of fostering resilience in children. Research conducted by Dr. Brene Brown at the University of Houston emphasizes that when parents model vulnerability and accountability, it teaches children to embrace their imperfections and learn from failures.

This principle is particularly relevant in the context of mental health. By accepting responsibility for their actions, parents can help their children develop a growth mindset, which is linked to better psychological outcomes and emotional adaptability. As noted in her work, children who witness their parents owning their mistakes are more likely to feel secure in expressing their own struggles, fostering open communication and trust within the family.

Moreover, the concept of 'family systems theory' posits that family dynamics play a crucial role in individual behaviors and mental health. A clinical psychologist explains that when parents fail to recognize their influence on their child's emotional experiences, it can lead to increased feelings of isolation and misunderstanding for the child. The mother's tendency to blame her daughter's personality rather than reflecting on her parenting style may hinder the healing process.

Encouraging parents to engage in self-reflection can help them recognize their impact on their children's mental health.

However, her statement kind of backfired. OP compares both of her daughters– she said that they–the kids–were raised the same way but the younger one is not as insecure, so it’s partly because of her (older) daughter.

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The older daughter was shocked at this accusation. She feels like the mom is “basically saying she has a weak personality.”

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OP admits she did wrong. But, the mother stands by her last statement.

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Developmental psychology provides essential insights into how parenting shapes a child's mental health. According to Dr. Madeline Levine, a renowned child psychologist, "Children thrive in environments where they feel supported and understood; without this, they are more vulnerable to anxiety and depression." Research shows that children exposed to high levels of conflict and low emotional support are at a heightened risk for mental health issues. This aligns with findings from Dr. Janet Lansbury, a parenting expert, who states, "A nurturing environment is crucial for emotional development, as it creates a protective buffer against psychological distress." Thus, the influence of parenting styles on children's mental health outcomes cannot be overstated.

The Importance of Acknowledging Emotions

Acknowledging and validating a child's emotions is fundamental to their mental health development. Research reveals that children who feel heard and understood are more likely to develop resilience and emotional regulation skills. The mother's dismissal of her daughter’s mental health struggles may exacerbate feelings of rejection and contribute to further emotional issues.

Encouraging parents to practice emotional validation can create a supportive environment that fosters healthier emotional development.

Her husband thought OP shouldn’t have brought that up. OP is still persistent.

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The ultimate question arises. Asshole or not?

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OP says that they were more lenient–less strict–with the younger sister. But?

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Understanding Personality Traits and Mental Health

While personality traits can influence behavior, they do not exist in a vacuum disconnected from environmental factors. Research by Dr. Robert McCrae and Dr. Paul Costa on the Five Factor Model of personality illustrates that traits such as neuroticism can be exacerbated by adverse childhood experiences, including neglect or emotional unavailability from parents.

This suggests that the mother’s attribution of her daughter's mental health issues solely to personality is an oversimplification. Understanding the interaction between stable personality traits and the dynamic aspects of parenting can offer a more nuanced perspective on mental health. Effective interventions often focus on helping individuals understand the origins of their traits and how past experiences shape their current mental state.

Additionally, the role of empathy in parenting cannot be overstated. Studies show that parents who demonstrate empathy toward their children foster stronger emotional bonds and better communication. In this situation, the mother’s lack of empathy may prevent her daughter from feeling safe to express her struggles, which can further isolate her.

Fostering empathy in parenting can lead to more open dialogues about mental health issues, contributing to better outcomes for children.

See how the Redditors reacted to OP’s story:

This. And yes.

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What OP said to her daughter was downright insulting. How can she say that to her child?

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Strict parenting is not the only thing at work. Child abuse seems to be, too.

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Behavioral psychology stresses the importance of reinforcement in shaping behaviors. According to B.F. Skinner's principles, behaviors that receive positive reinforcement are more likely to be repeated. In a family setting, if a child’s struggles are consistently dismissed or minimized, it may reinforce feelings of inadequacy and helplessness.

To counteract this, parents can implement positive reinforcement strategies by acknowledging their child’s feelings and validating their experiences. This can be as simple as actively listening and empathizing when a child shares their difficulties, which can promote a sense of safety and belonging, ultimately leading to healthier emotional development.

Navigating Blame and Responsibility

The tendency to deflect blame is common in familial conflicts, particularly regarding mental health issues. A clinical psychologist notes that when parents refuse to acknowledge their role, it can create significant barriers to healing and understanding. The mother’s behavior, in this case, indicates a need for self-reflection and acknowledgment of her influence on her daughter’s mental state.

Encouraging parents to take responsibility for their actions and their impact on their children can foster healthier family dynamics and contribute to better mental health outcomes.

Only the older daughter voiced out what she really felt. OP assumes that her younger daughter does not feel the same way.

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Realization–check. But that is not the only thing needed in this situation.

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“The parents are the main reason their daughter is like this.”

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The Importance of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EI) plays a crucial role in how parents interact with their children and manage conflict. Research by Dr. Daniel Goleman emphasizes that parents with high emotional intelligence can better navigate their own emotions and those of their children, fostering a supportive environment conducive to healthy psychological development.

By cultivating skills such as empathy, self-awareness, and emotional regulation, parents can create a more harmonious family dynamic. Strategies for improving EI include mindfulness practices and reflective listening, which can help parents become more attuned to their children’s emotional needs and improve overall family relationships.

Moreover, engaging in family therapy can provide a structured environment for addressing these issues. Research shows that family therapy can enhance communication and understanding among family members, particularly regarding mental health concerns. In this case, involving a professional could help the mother recognize her role and promote healthier interactions with her daughter.

Encouraging families to seek professional guidance can offer valuable tools for navigating complex emotional dynamics.

“Sorry, but.” Is this really an apology?

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OP keeps comparing both of her children. They are not the same people–why can't she grasp that?

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OP seeks validation that can’t be found on Reddit. She tried convincing the people, but it just doesn’t work that way.

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Social learning theory, proposed by Albert Bandura, suggests that children learn behaviors through observation and imitation of their parents. This is particularly relevant when considering how parents model coping strategies in times of stress. If a parent consistently blames external factors rather than taking responsibility, children may adopt similar patterns of avoidance and denial.

To break this cycle, parents should strive to model healthy coping mechanisms, such as engaging in problem-solving discussions and seeking help when necessary. By demonstrating accountability and resilience, parents can instill these critical life skills in their children, ultimately supporting their emotional well-being.

Building a Supportive Family Environment

Creating a supportive environment is crucial for addressing mental health issues within a family. Research in developmental psychology emphasizes that families that prioritize open communication and emotional support tend to have better mental health outcomes. In this case, the mother could benefit from learning how to create a more supportive atmosphere for her daughter, recognizing the importance of nurturing emotional health.

Encouraging parents to prioritize emotional connections can foster resilience and promote well-being for all family members.

“Poor kids.” Exactly.

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This is a short summary of what OP said in her Reddit post. Period.

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Forgive and forget–not applicable here. Why can’t OP just admit they did wrong and end it at that?

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Creating a Supportive Home Environment

Establishing a nurturing home environment is foundational for healthy child development. According to research from Harvard University, a supportive family structure can significantly mitigate the effects of adverse childhood experiences, fostering resilience and better emotional outcomes.

To create such an environment, parents should prioritize open communication, validate their children's feelings, and actively participate in their lives. This can be achieved through regular family meetings or check-ins, where everyone has the opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings in a safe space. Practical strategies like these can enhance familial bonds and contribute to a child's overall mental health.

No truer words have been said.

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Oopsies.

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Yeah, it must be that! *Rolls eyes*

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Addressing Family Dynamics and Communication Patterns

Family dynamics and communication styles are critical to understanding the interactions outlined in the article. Research in family therapy highlights that patterns of blame and avoidance can perpetuate conflict and emotional distress.

To improve family communication, therapists recommend employing techniques such as 'I' statements, which allow family members to express their feelings without casting blame. For example, saying 'I feel overwhelmed when our conversations turn to blame' can help reframe discussions and promote understanding. This approach can foster healthier communication patterns and reduce the likelihood of defensive responses, ultimately benefiting all family members.

Is it too late to make amends?

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Just accept it, OP!

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The truth is so loud.

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YTA, through and through.

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Well...

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Nature vs. Nurture. Are the parents the ones to blame if their child feels like her depression was caused by how they were raised by their parents? Or does the child themself partly to blame?

Ultimately, in OP’s situation, the treatment they did to their children–specifically her older daughter–was not good parenting. And their child has to suffer the consequences.

What do you think? Comment and share this post with your family and friends to see what they think!

Psychological Analysis

This scenario highlights the challenges parents face in recognizing their impact on their children's mental health. The mother's refusal to take accountability reflects a common dynamic that can hinder emotional healing. From a psychological perspective, fostering open discussions about accountability and emotional experiences can facilitate healthier family relationships and support children's mental health.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, understanding the relationship between parental accountability and children's mental health is vital for fostering healthy family dynamics. Dr. Dan Siegel, a renowned child psychiatrist, emphasizes that "parents who acknowledge their children's emotions and foster empathy play a crucial role in their emotional development" on his website drdansiegel.com. Furthermore, Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, a child development expert, states that "encouraging open communication and seeking professional support can create a nurturing environment for children facing mental health challenges," which can be explored further at tinabryson.com.

Therapeutic Insights & Recovery

The challenges illustrated in the article reflect broader themes in psychology regarding the impact of parenting on mental health. Trauma specialists emphasize that recognizing the influence of parenting styles, attachment, and emotional intelligence is vital for understanding a child's psychological development. As highlighted in research, accountability and support play crucial roles in nurturing resilience and emotional well-being. With the proper interventions, families can learn healthier communication strategies and foster environments that prioritize emotional health, paving the way for more positive outcomes for children facing mental health challenges.