Woman Torn As Estranged Mother, Who Abandoned Her In Childhood, Seeks To Move In Due To Old Age And Illness

Parenting is like a big puzzle with many decisions to make for your kids. But sometimes, even if you're trying your best, these choices can turn out differently than you thought.

It's a reminder that being a parent is tricky, and what you do now might show its effects later. OP's mother abandoned her and her sister during their formative years, with each growing up under different paternal roofs.

Infrequent visits from their mother were marred by the turbulence of her relationships, casting shadows over their upbringing. In the present, OP's mother journeys from Florida to Massachusetts, subtly expressing a desire to share a future residence with OP, offering her disability allowance in return.

The complexity arises from the fact that OP, living in a compact apartment and parenting a 10-year-old child coping with severe autism, faces considerable challenges. While OP's sister has firmly dismissed the proposal, OP herself grapples with her mother's persistent need for attention and her litany of health grievances.

The fulcrum of the issue rests on OP's enduring commitment to her child's well-being, a responsibility likely extending throughout their life. This commitment generates a profound dilemma regarding the rejection of her mother's proposition.

Consequently, OP seeks counsel on whether prioritizing her child's needs above her mother's wishes is an unreasonable course of action.

OP's mother abandoned her children, resulting in OP and her sister being separated, each living with different fathers in different towns.

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The mother of OP comes to visit occasionally and purchases one-way tickets. She expresses a desire to live with OP in the future and has also proposed the idea of purchasing a house with an additional bedroom.

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OP's sister declined the idea of living with their mother because of the mother's actions. OP is also contemplating turning down the offer because she needs to prioritize taking care of her child, who is dealing with a lasting situation.

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The Complexity of Estranged Relationships

This situation reveals the challenging dynamics of estranged relationships, particularly with parents. Research by Dr. Judith Wallerstein indicates that parental abandonment can lead to long-lasting emotional scars, shaping an individual’s ability to trust and connect with others in adulthood.

In this case, the daughter’s perception of her estranged mother’s health complaints as attention-seeking may reflect unresolved feelings of hurt and betrayal.

Understanding these emotional responses is crucial in navigating such complex relationships.

OP needs to make her own well-being and that of her family the primary concern, without allowing her mother's persuasion to lead her into prioritizing her child less.

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OP's mum must face consequences instead of trying to erase the past.

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OP has to be willing to say no

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According to studies in the Journal of Family Psychology, individuals with a history of estrangement often experience internal conflicts when faced with a parent’s health crisis. The emotional turmoil can create ambivalence, leading to a struggle between compassion and resentment.

This dynamic can complicate decisions about reconnecting and supporting an estranged parent.

Recognizing these feelings is vital in making informed choices about relationships.

OP's reasons are valid: lack of space, higher priorities, and personal preference

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If OP's mom's plan was to rely on OP and her sister for her retirement, she should have been a proper parent earlier.

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Her past actions, including abandoning OP, highlight that she's not someone OP wants around.

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Navigating Health and Emotional Reactions

When faced with an estranged parent's health issues, individuals often grapple with conflicting emotions. A study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry suggests that unresolved grief from past abandonment can resurface during these times, complicating emotional responses.

As the daughter perceives her mother's complaints as manipulative, this could reflect a protective mechanism against the pain of past experiences.

Understanding these reactions can promote healthier emotional responses.

OP's sister is correct; the answer is a firm "NO."

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OP doesn't have to live with someone who makes her life miserable.

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OP shouldn't feel the need to explain herself and can simply say "No" without feeling guilty.

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To address such complex feelings, seeking therapy can provide valuable support. Therapeutic interventions can help individuals process feelings of anger, sadness, and betrayal, promoting healing.

Additionally, establishing boundaries regarding communication and support can empower individuals to navigate these difficult dynamics while prioritizing their emotional well-being.

Practicing self-compassion during this process can foster resilience and clarity.

OP's experience of being left by her mom when she was growing up makes things more complicated now. For OP, what matters most is her child's well-being.

This way of thinking isn't just okay; it's good. She wants to ensure her child has the best possible environment to grow up in. Saying no to her mom's request, like her sister did, isn't a bad thing. It's a choice made because she wants to give her child the best care possible.

In this situation, deciding to put her child's needs before her mom's wishes is not just the right thing; it's the most important thing to do.

Psychological Analysis

This scenario illustrates the emotional turmoil often present in estranged parent-child relationships. The daughter’s feelings of resentment and protectiveness are common responses to past abandonment, complicating her ability to respond to her mother’s current needs.

Encouraging a thoughtful exploration of these emotions is essential in navigating such challenging dynamics.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, navigating estranged relationships requires a nuanced understanding of emotional complexities. Research indicates that recognizing and processing feelings about abandonment can lead to healthier interactions.

Ultimately, fostering self-awareness and establishing boundaries can empower individuals to make informed choices about their relationships.