Online Community Shares What Their Mothers Told Them In Their Teenage Years, Only To Later Discover That They Were Jealous

Parents are supposed to be a positive part of their kids' lives, but we find that they can also be a negative influence. Some individuals may not be mature enough to become parents; yet, due to various circumstances, a baby arrives.

The mother, in particular, is expected to be the one closest to her children because she gave birth to them. There’s a special bond between a mother and her child that is unexplainable, but why do some mothers treat their kids as if they’re not theirs?

Parents often speak to their children without considering the potential effects of their words. Today, a Redditor is asking the r/AskWomen community about "comments your mother made to you in your teenage years that you’ve grown up to realize were rooted in her bitterness and jealousy of your youth, and how those comments have stuck with you."

The comments from these women are so heartbreaking that if you haven’t experienced or witnessed it, you might find it hard to believe that there are mothers who still speak to their children this way in today's world. Some Redditors were even shocked by what they read in others' comments.

The Redditor Pops the Question

u/skeleton-hands

The Reddit community of women provided their replies to this question, and it is heartbreaking to hear what they've been through. Here are the top comments from the post:

The Importance of Emotional Literacy

Developing emotional literacy is crucial for both mothers and children in overcoming the damaging effects of hurtful words. Emotional literacy refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and appropriately express emotions. Research published in the Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology demonstrates that teaching emotional literacy in family settings can enhance emotional regulation and improve interpersonal relationships. Parents can encourage emotional literacy by engaging in activities such as reading books that address feelings, practicing reflective listening, and using 'I' statements to express their emotions, which can help reduce conflict and foster understanding.

This Is So Sad

Catnapper_Sakura

There Are Many Garbage Parents Out There

msstark

The relationship between mothers and their children is incredibly complex, often shaped by both attachment styles and individual family dynamics. According to attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby, a secure attachment leads to healthier emotional regulation in children, fostering resilience and positive self-esteem. However, when mothers communicate jealousy or negative emotions, it can disrupt this essential bond, leading to feelings of inadequacy in their children. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that negative maternal comments during adolescence significantly correlated with lower self-esteem and increased anxiety in young adults, highlighting the long-lasting impact of maternal influence.

Being Smaller Than Their Kids Were at a Certain Age

flyingsails

Feeling Terrible

cookiescoop

Attaching Importance to Being Skinny

Itsamemario3007

Impact of Jealousy on Mother-Child Relationships

Jealousy can manifest in various ways within familial dynamics, often leading to defensive or hurtful communication. Research indicates that maternal jealousy—whether it stems from personal insecurities or perceived competition with a child's achievements—can significantly damage the parent-child bond. A study conducted by Dr. Jennifer McCoy at the University of Michigan found that maternal jealousy often results in what is termed 'emotional invalidation,' where a child’s feelings and achievements are dismissed. This invalidation not only harms self-worth but also breeds resentment, creating a cycle of emotional disconnection.

"A Lot of Hurtful Comments from My Mom"

skeleton-hands

A Catty Attitude

Just be proud of your breast size already.

[deleted]

Drunken Words Are Sober Thoughts

People often express their true thoughts when they are drunk.

LilacBloom02

One of the most effective ways to mitigate the negative impacts of a mother's hurtful words is through open communication. According to Dr. John Gottman’s research on emotional intelligence, families that practice emotional validation—acknowledging and accepting each other's feelings—tend to have healthier relationships. This approach allows children to express their feelings without fear of judgment, fostering a sense of safety and emotional security. Parents can encourage this by modeling vulnerability and discussing their own feelings openly, thereby creating a space for mutual understanding and growth.

Apologizing to Those Who Have Awful Moms

Altruistic_Athlete50

Her Nose Became Her Biggest Insecurity All Thanks to Her Mom's Words

iamagiraff3

Why Would Anyone Talk Down to Their Kids Like This?

[deleted]

The Role of Self-Compassion

Self-compassion plays a crucial role in how individuals cope with negative familial messages. Research by Dr. Kristin Neff suggests that self-compassion—treating oneself with kindness during times of difficulty—can significantly mitigate the emotional fallout from negative parental interactions. In her studies, individuals who practiced self-compassion reported lower levels of anxiety and depression, even when faced with critical remarks from parents. This indicates that cultivating self-compassion can provide a buffer against the internalization of hurtful comments, allowing individuals to thrive despite their mothers' negative influences.

A Cruel Thing to Say to Someone

DovahkiinQahnaarin

An Extremely Wrong and Messy Statement

goody-two-sneakers

Never Let Their Toxic Words Get to You

StickyTunas

Intergenerational patterns of behavior often perpetuate cycles of negativity within families. Dr. Dan P. McAdams from Northwestern University emphasizes that unresolved emotional conflicts from one generation can affect subsequent generations, leading to a transmission of negative relational patterns. For example, a mother who experienced jealousy in her own childhood may unconsciously replicate that behavior with her child. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking the cycle; therapy can provide a safe space for mothers to explore their own childhood experiences and learn healthier communication strategies.

This Is So, So Bad

vili-a

You'll Get Better Someday and Realize That You're Beautiful

Metacarpus88

So Much for "Fitting Into Them One Day"

Telephone-Final

Strategies for Healing

To foster healthier relationships, both mothers and children can benefit from targeted therapeutic interventions. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has been shown to be effective in reshaping negative thought patterns and fostering healthier communication skills. Research published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology confirms that CBT can help individuals recognize and challenge harmful beliefs about themselves and their relationships. Families can engage in joint therapy sessions to address these issues collectively, fostering a sense of teamwork and mutual support in the healing process.

Comparing How One Should Look...

noxious_toast

I'd Also Avoid This Kind of Mom as Well

Consistent-Skirt7290

A Repulsive and Destructive Behavior

No one deserves to be told such words, much less by a mother.

hanna_s0912

Understanding the psychology of family dynamics can also empower individuals to navigate their relationships more effectively. A clinical psychologist noted that the concept of 'family systems theory' posits that each member of a family plays a distinct role, which can influence their behavior. By recognizing their roles and the underlying motivations behind them, members can communicate more effectively and minimize misunderstandings. For instance, if a child understands that a mother’s jealousy may stem from her insecurities, they can approach the relationship with empathy rather than resentment, fostering a more constructive dialogue.

Learning to Ignore Her Now

And also ignore her words as well because they are absurd and ridiculous.

dumbbitch1234567

Sentiments Like This Are a Total No, No

peachcookieastrid

There’s a certain way to treat or speak to a child, and if done poorly, the child may start to think that maybe he or she was adopted or that someone just dropped them near the trash and they were picked up. As parents, we’re meant to be the comfort zone for our kids, not the opposite.

Do you have any experiences of your own you’d like to share? Leave us a comment on this issue below.

Psychological Analysis

This article touches on the complex dynamics between mothers and their children, highlighting that negative comments from a mother can have long-lasting impacts. These behaviors may stem from the mother's own insecurities or unresolved issues, demonstrating how personal struggles can inadvertently harm parent-child relationships. It underscores the importance of emotional literacy, self-compassion, and effective communication in parenting, emphasizing that understanding and addressing these issues can foster healthier family dynamics.

Analysis generated by AI

Solutions & Coping Strategies

Ultimately, addressing the complexities of maternal communication and its impact on children requires a multi-faceted approach. Research from the American Psychological Association indicates that healing within familial relationships often involves both understanding and action, emphasizing the importance of emotional intelligence and communication skills. By fostering self-compassion, emotional literacy, and open dialogue, families can break the cycles of negativity and build stronger, healthier connections. It’s crucial to remember that while the past may shape our relationships, the future can be rewritten through intentional efforts and supportive practices.