Parents Don't Give Daughter Her College Fund Because She Has Full Scholarship and Works, Effectively Punishing Her for Being Responsible

Parenting is a tricky journey filled with tough decisions. Some choices regarding children's education and finances are significant. Parents want what's best, but these decisions can lead to unexpected regrets.

It's a balance between guiding and letting go. Life's surprises can make parents wish they had chosen differently. Parenting isn't easy, and choices can be challenging.

Here's a story about a family and the financial decisions that sparked discussion. A dad (54 years old) and a mom (52 years old) have two children: a 23-year-old daughter and a 21-year-old son. When the kids were young, their grandparents saved money for their education, which meant going to school and learning more.

Mom and Dad thought their children would go to college and continue learning afterward. They pursued extensive education themselves. The parents decided not to use the saved money for their kids' first college degrees, and they didn't inform the children about the funds.

The daughter enjoys artistic pursuits like music and film, while the son is interested in science and engineering. The parents were concerned that the daughter wouldn't find a good job in the arts, but she proved them wrong.

She received scholarships that covered most of her college expenses. She learned how to manage money and found a job she liked after graduation.

The son chose engineering and received some assistance from the saved funds to pay for college. He found a nice apartment close to school, which was beneficial for his challenging classes.

When the daughter discovered that her brother received money for college, she became upset because she was unaware that she had funds as well. Her parents explained that they were saving it for her graduate school.

She felt hurt because her brother was able to use his money for college. She asked if she could have it now, but her parents said there might be a cost associated with using it for non-school-related expenses.

People have differing opinions on this matter. Some argue that parents can make decisions, while others emphasize the importance of fairness and communication.

OP has a son who is a STEM major and a daughter with an artistic inclination. The daughter opts for a fulfilling, low-paying job after college instead of pursuing further education.

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OP's son chose engineering. To cover tuition and living costs (with fewer scholarships than his sister), OP and his spouse tapped into an education fund. They secured a spacious apartment near the school, ensuring an ideal study environment given the challenging coursework.

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OP's daughter learned about the education funds and became upset about not having access to one.

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Understanding Family Expectations and Responsibility

Dr. Samuel Hunter, a family therapist at the University of Virginia, explains that family expectations can create tension when individuals exceed their responsibilities.

In this case, the parents' decision to withhold a college fund may stem from their desire to instill independence, but it can also come across as punitive.

This dynamic highlights the need for families to discuss expectations openly to avoid misunderstandings and resentment.

OP admitted error and offered money to his daughter; her response was indifferent.

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The couple discusses the daughter's reply and future actions. The wife accepts the daughter's words as they are, while OP is cautious due to a strained relationship. OP suggests sharing equal financial support for the daughter.

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Having a PhD and a Master's doesn't make you a good parent or smart, as this situation clearly demonstrates.

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Research from the Journal of Family Psychology indicates that parental expectations can significantly impact children's mental health and self-esteem.

When children feel their efforts are unrecognized or punished, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and conflict within family relationships.

Addressing these expectations with empathy is crucial for maintaining healthy family dynamics.

OP's decisions are critiqued for valid reasons.

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The son lives in a spacious apartment near school, while the daughter pays for a subpar apartment across town. This creates an unfair discrepancy.

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Neither child pursued graduate school, yet OP chose to fund one and not the other.

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Strategies for Healthy Family Communication

Experts recommend fostering open dialogues about family expectations and responsibilities to enhance understanding.

Encouraging family meetings can provide a platform for discussing feelings, clarifying expectations, and exploring underlying motivations.

Additionally, empathy and validation can help family members feel heard and valued, reducing conflict.

OP paid for his son's expenses but not his daughter's, even though they made the same choices.

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OP ignored his daughter due to his disapproval of her field of study.

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OP's behavior is still not acceptable.

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Moreover, engaging in family counseling can offer a neutral space for discussing complex feelings and expectations.

Research shows that therapeutic interventions can significantly improve family relationships by fostering understanding and collaboration.

Ultimately, prioritizing emotional connection can mitigate feelings of resentment and promote healthier family dynamics.

It's clear that the decisions parents make about their children's education and finances are extremely important. Even though parents genuinely care and want the best, sometimes the choices they make don't turn out as they hoped.

Parents should communicate openly with their children, and children should understand that parents make choices based on their knowledge. Finding a middle ground is key. We can't change the past, but we can learn from it.

Mistakes happen, but they don't have to define us. We can use what we learn to make better choices in the future. Balancing guidance and support is challenging, but through care and understanding, we can make things work out. In the end, being a parent is all about learning, growing, and making decisions out of love.

Navigating Responsibility and Recognition

Recognizing individual efforts within the family unit is essential for maintaining a supportive environment.

Studies indicate that when family members acknowledge each other's achievements, it fosters a sense of belonging and reduces feelings of resentment.

By celebrating successes, families can strengthen their bonds and encourage positive behaviors.

Psychological Analysis

This situation exemplifies the complexities of familial expectations and the importance of open communication.

Addressing these dynamics can help families navigate conflicts and strengthen their emotional connections.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Understanding the underlying motivations behind family expectations is vital for healthy family dynamics.

As noted by Dr. Laura Berman, a renowned sex therapist, "Open communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, allowing family members to express their feelings and reduce misunderstandings." By fostering such dialogue, families can significantly reduce conflict and enhance relationships. By prioritizing empathy and validation, families can create a more supportive and inclusive environment.