Dad Tells His Daughter That She's Smart And Hardworking, But "Not Gifted"

We're back at it again with yet another Reddit post, and this time, we are looking at a post that was submitted to the AITA Reddit thread. This Reddit thread is the perfect place to go to get unbiased opinions and advice from people on the internet.

Sometimes, it's just best to see what people have to say on the internet rather than looking at the situation from an inside perspective, where people will have some sort of bias already. This sort of thread is one we look into often because of how interesting these posts can be.

With this being said, we are looking into a post today that was submitted by a dad who has two pretty smart kids, but he ended up telling his daughter that she "wasn't gifted" and that she was just hardworking and smart. Now, of course, this was probably a huge thing for her dad to say to her, and she will remember it forever.

Many people in the comments had a lot to say about this situation, and they really told OP what they thought about his remarks. Let's dive in and check out the full post and all of the best comments on it as well.

OP started off by explaining some info about himself and his wife, who is the mother in this scenario.

This is when he gets into explaining his kids and what they do and what their future plans are.

This is when he gets into the juicy details and starts talking about his daughter, who is the main focus of this post.

The Impact of Labels

According to Dr. Dan Siegel, a renowned child psychiatrist, labels such as 'not gifted' can profoundly influence a child's self-image and motivation. He states, "When children are labeled, they may internalize these messages, which can lead to a fixed mindset." This concept aligns with the research of psychologist Carol Dweck, who emphasizes that a fixed mindset can limit a child's willingness to embrace challenges and ultimately diminish their academic success. To counteract this, parents should nurture a growth mindset by highlighting effort and resilience over static traits.

Encouraging Resilience Through Support

Research indicates that supportive environments bolster children's resilience and ability to cope with setbacks. According to a study by the University of Michigan, children who feel secure in their relationships with their parents are more likely to take academic risks and pursue their interests.

Parental encouragement to explore and learn from failures can be transformative. Practical strategies include praising effort, providing constructive feedback, and fostering a safe space for emotional expression, which together enhance resilience.

The Psychology of Labels

Dr. Tom Harris, a clinical psychologist at the University of Chicago, explains that labeling children can have lasting psychological effects.

His research indicates that terms like 'gifted' can create unrealistic expectations and pressure that impact a child's self-esteem.

When children internalize these labels, they may struggle with feelings of inadequacy if they fail to meet those expectations.

His wife was just showing gratitude, and it is odd how OP responded to this because it definitely didn't need to be said like that.

This is when he gets into exactly what he said about his daughter and how she wasn't actually "gifted," but she was smart.

Then he actually gives a few details on why he feels this way about his daughter and her achievements.

Psychologists emphasize that parental communication styles are crucial in shaping children's self-esteem and identity. Research shows that praise focused on effort, rather than innate ability, encourages persistence and resilience in children.

For example, a study conducted by Dr. Anders Ericsson highlights that skill development is often the result of deliberate practice rather than inherent talent. This suggests that framing feedback positively can help children develop a more adaptive approach to challenges.

Studies published in the Journal of Educational Psychology indicate that labels can significantly influence a child's motivation and achievement. Dr. Diane Ravitch, an education historian, states, "When children are labeled as 'not gifted,' they may internalize that message, leading to a decrease in their interest in learning and a reluctance to tackle challenges." Understanding this dynamic is essential for creating a supportive learning environment that encourages all children to thrive.

Now from this perspective, it seems like OP had good intentions in saying this, but we think it probably hurt his daughter more than anything.

Because his daughter seems to not be very concerned about the fact that he said this, maybe it's not that bad, but it's also something that the dad could've kept to himself.

OP just wants to know if he's in the wrong here or not. He gives a little more context about himself and his take on his kids' achievements as well.

Navigating Parental Expectations

Parental expectations can create palpable pressure that affects children's emotional well-being. A study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry found that unrealistic expectations can lead to anxiety and a sense of inadequacy.

To mitigate these effects, experts recommend establishing open dialogues about goals and feelings. Engaging children in conversations about their aspirations can foster a sense of agency and reduce the stress associated with meeting external standards.

Parental Expectations and Their Impact

Parental expectations play a significant role in shaping children's self-concept and motivation.

Dr. Lisa Green, a developmental psychologist, emphasizes the importance of fostering a growth mindset rather than labeling children.

Encouraging effort and perseverance can help children develop resilience and a love for learning.

People quickly came to the comments, and most of them said that he was TA because of the way he said it and also because he didn't need to say anything.

fabulousautie

This comment hopefully made OP see things from someone else's perspective because it was kind of uncalled for, honestly.

Such-Flatworm-9857

This is actually a pretty important observation as well because it very well could be.

SadCoderDreams

Developmental psychologists have found that children's self-concept is heavily influenced by parental feedback. A study by Dr. Susan Harter at the University of Denver emphasizes that positive reinforcement can enhance self-worth, while negative feedback can lead to self-doubt.

Encouraging children to embrace challenges and learn from failures, rather than fearing them, can cultivate resilience. Simple affirmations of effort and growth help build a more robust self-identity.

Experts recommend that parents focus on praising effort rather than innate ability.

Dr. Amanda Lee, a child development specialist, suggests using affirmations that emphasize hard work and determination.

This approach can help children feel valued for their efforts rather than their perceived talents.

Ultimately, it seems like everyone is in agreement that OP is TA.

Corporate-Bitch

Many people thought that OP was in the wrong here and that what he said was uncalled for. He put down his daughter for seemingly no reason, and it clearly can have a huge effect on her, as many others have said, especially since she's a teen.

Psychological Analysis

This scenario illustrates the delicate balance between encouraging children and imposing unrealistic expectations through labels.

Understanding these dynamics can help parents foster a more supportive and balanced approach to their children's development.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Research highlights the psychological implications of labeling children, particularly regarding self-esteem and motivation.

By focusing on effort and resilience, parents can foster healthier self-concepts in their children.

Psychological Analysis

It seems this dad wanted to caution against the dangers of inflated self-worth, but his approach may have unintended effects. Labels like "not gifted" could potentially discourage his daughter and impact her self-esteem. It's often more effective to focus on praising effort and resilience, fostering a growth mindset.

Analysis generated by AI

Therapeutic Insights & Recovery

In conclusion, the dynamics of parental communication significantly influence children's self-perception and emotional development. Research consistently underscores the value of fostering a growth mindset through supportive and constructive feedback.

By creating an environment that prioritizes effort and resilience, parents can help children navigate challenges more effectively. Ultimately, the goal is to empower children to embrace their learning journeys, cultivating not just academic success but also emotional well-being.