Wife Wants Open Marriage But Changes Her Mind After Seeing Husband's Success

Open marriage, or any open relationship for that matter, whether or not wedding rings are exchanged, goes against everything we have been taught about love and commitment. And that's precisely why some people find it fascinating.

There are many reasons why a couple would choose to have an open marriage, and when that choice is made jointly and ethically, it's perfectly acceptable and healthy. Due to the inherent complexity of open marriages, partners establish guidelines and limitations.

Mutually beneficial guidelines can make the difference between a miserable situation and a pleasant, healthy open marriage. OP's wife asked him to open their marriage while strongly implying that the alternative was divorce.

After thinking it through, the OP agreed, primarily because they have two children and he worked long hours, so divorce sounded horrible. The OP did set up some ground rules, and he listed them in his story.

For the next two years, the OP focused on his job and on his kids. He worked long hours and spent the little free time he had with his children.

He didn't have the time for dating, so he moved to another room. Now that the OP has managed to fulfill his financial goals, he has started looking to date again.

He found someone, and all of a sudden, his wife wanted to talk about his dates. The OP refused, but now she suddenly wants to repair the marriage.

Keep scrolling down to read the full story for yourself below. 

The headline

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OP didn't have the time for dating, so he wasn't even trying

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The Complexity of Open Relationships

Open marriages often challenge traditional notions of commitment and monogamy, leading to complex emotional landscapes. According to Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned couples therapist, "The success of non-monogamous relationships hinges on the ability to communicate openly and honestly." Research indicates that individuals in consensual non-monogamous relationships experience varying levels of satisfaction, often influenced by mutual trust and communication. Effective communication can reduce jealousy and anxiety, fostering a sense of security. As Dr. Ramani Durvasula notes, "Understanding each partner's needs is essential; without this, feelings of inadequacy can arise, impacting the relationship dynamics."

The OP used his free time to finally have a vacation he really needed

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OP's wife wants them to repair their marriage by going to counseling

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The Role of Communication

Effective communication is fundamental in navigating the complexities of open relationships. A study by Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship researcher, shows that couples who engage in open dialogue report higher satisfaction and stability.

Practicing active listening and validation can strengthen emotional bonds. Couples might consider setting aside time for weekly discussions about their feelings and concerns, ensuring that both partners feel heard and valued in their relationship journey.

The Reddit post got more than a thousand comments, and here are some of the most upvoted ones

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She just wanted to mess around

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Understanding Relationship Dynamics

Open relationships can often stir complex emotions and conflicts, especially when desires change.

Research in relationship psychology indicates that negotiating boundaries is essential for maintaining healthy dynamics.

According to studies in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, shifts in relationship preferences can lead to feelings of insecurity and confusion.

This Redditor would personally go for a divorce

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The OP does know the answer

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The decision to shift from an open marriage back to monogamy can reflect deeper psychological needs. Research by Dr. Eli Finkel from Northwestern University emphasizes that relationship satisfaction is often linked to perceived partner responsiveness.

When one partner's success triggers a change in feelings, it may indicate underlying insecurities or attachment issues. These dynamics can be explored through therapy, helping partners navigate their emotional responses and expectations more effectively.

They've been divorced without the paperwork

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The OP should be proud of himself

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The wife's change of heart about the open marriage reflects a common psychological phenomenon related to loss aversion.

Individuals often fear losing what they have, which can lead to resistance against change.

Behavioral economists have found that loss aversion can significantly impact decision-making processes in relationships.

She's jealous of the attention the OP is giving the other woman

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There's nothing left to fix

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The OP left this detail in the comments

Since Sarah decided to open our marriage, the two of us haven't had any intimate moments; we didn't sleep together, and we didn't go out together.After I switched to working 30 hours, she didn't initiate any changes.Our relationship was co-parenting under the same roof, really.Once I started dating other women, she began snooping around. Once she found out I was dating Jane, she wanted to change the rules. Even then, she said nothing about closing the relationship. Just a change to only having sex outside of marriage.Which boils down to... me not being able to have a single intimate relationship.

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the complexities that arise when desires within relationships shift.

It's essential for partners to communicate their feelings and negotiate boundaries to ensure mutual understanding.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Navigating changes in relationship preferences requires open communication and understanding.

Research consistently shows that couples who engage in transparent discussions develop stronger bonds.

Ultimately, addressing fears and uncertainties together can foster a healthier relationship dynamic.

Psychological Analysis

The wife's sudden change of heart once her husband found success in their open marriage is a classic example of the "Fear of Missing Out" or FOMO. This is a common psychological response where people often want what they can't have or fear losing what they perceive others are enjoying. It's also possible she's experiencing jealousy, as her husband is now receiving attention and affection from others.

Analysis generated by AI

Navigating Emotional Responses

Emotional reactions to changes in relationship structure are often rooted in individual attachment styles. According to research published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, securely attached individuals tend to handle transitions more gracefully than those with anxious or avoidant styles.

Understanding one's attachment style can provide valuable insights into emotional triggers, allowing individuals to develop coping strategies. Couples can benefit from workshops focused on enhancing emotional intelligence to foster healthier communication.

The Importance of Communication in Relationships

Effective communication is crucial in navigating the complexities of relationship preferences.

Research indicates that discussing feelings openly can mitigate misunderstandings and foster intimacy.

According to a study in the Journal of Communication, transparency in expressing needs strengthens relationship bonds.

Social comparison theory highlights how individuals evaluate themselves based on their partner's achievements. When a spouse succeeds, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy or jealousy, as established by research from the University of Pennsylvania.

Fostering a supportive environment where both partners celebrate each other’s successes can mitigate negative feelings. Strategies such as gratitude exercises and regular check-ins can enhance relationship resilience, promoting a more positive outlook on individual and shared accomplishments.

Encouraging an ongoing dialogue about desires and boundaries can help couples navigate changes more gracefully.

Couples therapy may also provide valuable tools for addressing these concerns and facilitating healthy discussions.

Using techniques like active listening can enhance understanding and promote emotional safety in conversations.

Redditors say that OP's marriage was not open in any way, as they only became housemates and co-parents after divorcing years prior. Neither of them seemed to care that they were all co-parenting until the OP found a girlfriend.

Now, OP's wife is terrified because she feels as though she's reading the writing on the wall. The OP was advised to just get a divorce and get it over with already.

Navigating Change in Relationships

Change is an inherent part of relationships, and learning to navigate it is crucial for longevity.

Psychological research indicates that couples who adapt to changes together tend to have stronger bonds.

According to studies, fostering resilience in relationships involves embracing change rather than resisting it.

Therapeutic Insights & Recovery

Shifting dynamics in relationships, especially in open marriages, highlight the importance of understanding emotional triggers and communication patterns. Research supports that self-awareness, alongside effective dialogue, can strengthen relationships during transitions. As Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a relationship therapist, notes, "Emotional intelligence is key to navigating the complexities of modern relationships." Prioritizing these aspects fosters resilience, allowing couples to cultivate deeper connections. According to Dr. Michele Weiner-Davis, a marriage therapist, "Couples who engage in open and honest communication are more likely to experience mutual growth and satisfaction." By exploring these dimensions, partners can enhance their relational dynamics.