Mom Borrows Money From Son, Then Calls Him “Selfish” For Asking About Repayment
Helping family felt easy until accountability suddenly became offensive.
In this story, a 20-year-old (OP) had saved up about $7,500, with a portion set aside in cash. He still lives at home, doesn’t pay rent, and his parents cover food. However, the household’s finances are tighter than they look.
They technically have valuable property, yet their leftover income after settling bills keeps them living paycheck to paycheck. For this reason, OP has been forced to give his parents loans from time to time.
The problem here is not giving loans. But OP is not happy about the repulsive behavior his parents (especially his mom) exhibit when he asks for repayment.
Recently, his parents were quoted $12,000 to get braces for his younger brother. Consequently, his parents had to secure a loan to cover most of the bill.
This new development put even more strain on his parents' finances. As before, he had to step in again to give his parents another loan for their upcoming first payment.
As it stands, not only is his mom refusing to give a specific repayment date, but she also accused him of being selfish for even asking to be repaid.
OP has been left confused and frustrated ever since. Most importantly, he wants to know if he’s truly being selfish for requesting repayment for the loan.
If you want to see how all of this played out in his own words, check out the screenshots below.
Let’s dig into the details
Reddit.comA bit of background on this story
Reddit.comOP doesn’t like the way his parents behave when it’s time to repay the money they borrowed from him
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Understanding Financial Dynamics
Dr. Helaine Olen, a financial journalist and expert, emphasizes that family dynamics often complicate financial transactions. Her work highlights how lending money to family can create unexpected tensions, especially if clear boundaries aren't established from the outset.
"It's vital to communicate openly about expectations and repayment terms to prevent misunderstandings," she advises. This proactive communication can prevent emotional fallout and foster a healthier family relationship.
To improve future financial interactions, experts suggest implementing regular family meetings to discuss financial health and expectations openly. This proactive approach can create a culture of transparency, making it easier for family members to voice concerns and clarify expectations.
Ultimately, cultivating a supportive environment allows families to navigate financial assistance without damaging their relationships.
OP is worried that he may never get his money back
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OP needs advice from Netizens on this matter
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Important edit
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Financial planners suggest that young adults in such situations should consider drafting a simple loan agreement. This can clarify terms and expectations, reducing the potential for conflict.
Additionally, experts argue that approaching financial assistance as a gift rather than a loan can alleviate pressure, especially in family settings. By reframing the transaction, both parties can maintain their relationship without the burden of repayment anxiety.
We gathered some interesting comments from Netizens
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“Nobody here is an AH, just living beyond their means.”
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“Money borrowed is money that should be repaid. It's also not unreasonable to want a timeline.”
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The Role of Communication
Dr. Michael Thompson, a child psychologist, notes that effective communication is key in familial financial situations. He explains that clear, empathetic discussions can help alleviate feelings of resentment or misunderstanding.
“When families openly discuss their financial situations, it lays the groundwork for mutual respect and understanding,” he states. His studies indicate that families who prioritize transparency tend to experience less conflict over financial issues.
“Maybe you should start actually paying some room and board, since you're adult-aged and all.”
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“Sounds like there is a lot of financial irresponsibility on your parents part.”
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“NTA…You should workout some payment plan with your parents.”
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Experts recommend setting financial boundaries early in adult life. This can include discussing individual financial responsibilities and the implications of borrowing or lending within the family.
By establishing these boundaries, young adults can navigate family loans more confidently, ensuring that their support remains a source of strength rather than conflict.
“It’s not your job to take care of them when they are not being financially responsible.”
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“Your parents need to sit down with a professional financial councillor or advisor and figure out a way to restructure their finances.”
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“NTA for asking clarity but they’re drowning financially and you’re acting like a collections agent.”
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Emotional Impacts of Financial Support
Dr. Brené Brown, a researcher on vulnerability, emphasizes the emotional complexities that arise when money is involved in family relationships. She explains that borrowing and lending can lead to feelings of shame or guilt, particularly if repayment becomes a contentious issue.
“Navigating these emotions requires a balance of compassion and accountability,” Brown notes. Her research suggests that fostering an environment of understanding can mitigate the emotional toll of financial transactions.
It’s evident that OP is trying to support his brother while still keeping his own savings on track. On the other hand, his parents seem overwhelmed and defensive about their finances.
It’s easy to see why he wants clear expectations, and just as easy to see why his mom reacts emotionally in the moment.
Every family handles these conversations differently, but this one clearly needs more openness.
Do you think OP is being selfish, or is his mom in the wrong here? Drop your thoughts in the comment section.
Expert Opinion
This situation highlights a classic clash of expectations and boundaries within family dynamics. The mother's reaction could stem from feelings of guilt or shame about their financial situation, which might make her defensive when confronted about repayment. For OP, wanting clarity and accountability is completely reasonable, especially as he tries to maintain his own financial stability while supporting his family. Clear communication and boundaries are crucial here to navigate the emotional complexities involved.Understanding the Deeper Patterns
In conclusion, the complexities of family financial interactions necessitate clear communication and established boundaries. Experts stress the importance of approaching these situations with empathy and understanding to maintain healthy relationships.
By implementing proactive strategies, such as drafting agreements and holding regular discussions, families can alleviate misunderstandings and keep their connections strong. Ultimately, the goal should be to foster an environment where financial support is seen as a gift rather than a burden, promoting both accountability and emotional well-being.
