Parenting Dilemma: Giving Daughter $60 a Week But Son Nothing - AITA?

Some families handle moving stress with patience, snacks, and maybe a little extra grace. This one handled it with a work-from-home office deal, a lopsided weekly payment, and a full-on blowup involving the daughter’s room and the son’s friends.

OP, 45, moved her kids closer to her declining parents, and suddenly her job went hybrid. Since her bedroom is too small, she needed one kid to give up space for a small office during school hours. Her son refused immediately, her daughter offered her room and even joked about charging rent, and OP started paying her $60 a week while keeping the son on canteen money and whatever else came up.

Then the argument escalated, the sister got called names, and OP’s parents weighed in with totally different takes.

Original Post

I (45F) have two kids, 17F and 15M. We moved earlier this year to be closer to my parents as my parents' health is declining.

My daughter was excited about the move, but my son has struggled to adjust. Due to the move, my job shifted to hybrid, and I needed a work-from-home setup.

My bedroom is too small, and the only options were the lounge or one of the kids’ rooms during school hours. I proposed this to them - my son flat-out refused ("no way in h**l"), but my daughter offered her room and half-joked about charging me rent for the space.

I thought it was fair, as I get a $20/day work-from-home allowance. I agreed to give it to her if she was okay with me setting up a small office in her room.

I work from 8:30 to 5:00, and she usually starts homework right after I finish, so it’s worked out well. Now the issue: my son is upset that his sister is getting $60.

I don’t do regular allowances, just canteen money (about $10/week) and other needs as they come up. I told him he had the same opportunity and was now out of luck.

He got angry and brought up the move, saying he never gets to see his friends. (For the record, I drive them back to visit every two weeks.) I told him I understood his feelings but said I wouldn’t tolerate being spoken to like that.

He then started an argument with his sister too - going in on her for being an opportunistic b***h, and she called him a whiny little a*****e. To cool off, I offered one of them the option to stay at their grandparents' for the night - not as a punishment but to break the tension.

My son opted to go, and while dropping him off, my mom told me I was favoring my daughter and should be paying them equally. My dad disagreed, saying my son had the chance and was out of luck.

AITA? ETA: The conversation took place over the course of the afternoon, and I didn’t immediately agree to the deal with my daughter.

I offered it to my son first, who reiterated "h**l no" and "get the f**k out of my room." I also should mention the reason I have the smallest room is due to the lack of insulation in the ceiling and flooring, making it damp, and as we’re heading into winter, I wasn’t sending either kid in there.

The room also fits a single bed and a set of drawers - with essentially no other space at all. We own the house in Auckland, NZ, and I don’t have the spare cash to get it insulated at the moment (or even fit any of my equipment to work from home in there).

The article raises important questions about the dynamics of parental favoritism and its impact on sibling relationships.

Comment from u/mavenmim

Comment from u/Smarterthanuthink867

The second OP tried offering the office arrangement, her son went straight to “no way in h**l,” while her daughter quietly stepped up and agreed to make it work.

The findings suggest that addressing feelings of inequality proactively can mitigate these adverse effects. Parents are encouraged to have open discussions with their children about feelings of favoritism and ensure that both siblings feel valued in their unique ways.

Comment from u/bahahahahahhhaha

Comment from u/Atlas_Hid

Psychological Concepts of Fairness

The concept of fairness is crucial in child development, often influencing how children perceive their worth within the family unit.

Research indicates that children develop a sense of justice as early as preschool age, making it vital for parents to understand how their decisions impact their children's emotional health.

Creating a balanced environment where both children feel equally loved and supported can promote healthier sibling relationships.

Comment from u/thatcoolguy60

Comment from u/alyxmorganvo

When OP realized her daughter was effectively getting $60 a week for her room, her son’s jealousy turned into a lecture about the move and how he “never gets to see” his friends.

Studies suggest that parental communication plays a significant role in mitigating sibling rivalry.

When parents explicitly acknowledge each child's unique strengths and contributions, it can help foster a sense of individual value, reducing feelings of competition.

Implementing regular family meetings where each child is encouraged to share their feelings can enhance emotional bonding and understanding.

Comment from u/Exotic-Blacksmith-56

Comment from u/Crafter_2307

Long-term Implications of Favoritism

And if you think shared expenses get messy, check the roommate who refused to cut shower time.

Comment from u/ImpressiveOwl854

Comment from u/cyanidelemonade

The tension didn’t stay between siblings, because the son went after his sister for being “opportunistic,” and she fired back with “whiny little a*****e.”

It’s important for parents to reflect on their actions and consider how emotional responses can be shaped by their choices.

Utilizing principles from family systems therapy can help parents understand their dynamics and the potential ripple effects of their decisions.

Seeking family counseling could provide a platform for addressing and resolving these issues constructively.

Comment from u/SeePerspectives

Comment from u/HolyUnicornBatman

We'd love to hear your take on this situation. Share your thoughts below.

Comment from u/maloneth

Comment from u/Ok-Willow-9145

Comment from u/TofuPropaganda

Comment from u/badassmillz

Comment from u/Kebar8

Comment from u/Chen932000

Comment from u/philautos

Comment from u/DoontGiveHimTheStick

After OP sent her son to cool off at the grandparents’ for the night, her mom told her she was favoring the daughter, while her dad said the son had the same chance and blew it.

The ramifications of perceived favoritism in parenting can echo throughout a child's life, influencing their emotional well-being and the strength of sibling relationships well into adulthood. In the case presented, the mother’s decision to provide her daughter with $60 weekly while offering her son nothing raises critical questions about equity and favoritism. Such disparities can lead to resentment and strain family ties, highlighting the need for parents to navigate these decisions carefully. Open communication about financial support and equitable treatment is essential for fostering a harmonious family environment and promoting emotional resilience among children.

Now OP’s stuck wondering if she really played favorites, or if her son just refused every option and still wants the payoff.

Still arguing about fairness and money, read how a roommate’s overstaying partner refused to chip in rent.