When Divorce Turns a Parent Against Their Own Child

Family relationships can become especially challenging after a divorce, even long after the legal process is over. Adult children often try to maintain close ties with both parents, but this isn't always easy. New relationships, lingering resentments, and unresolved emotional baggage can create barriers.

Sometimes, one parent may choose to withdraw or keep their distance, whether out of anger, discomfort, or other personal reasons. When that happens, the child is left in a difficult position—feeling rejected, confused, and unsure of what to do next.

They may wonder whether to keep reaching out or if it's healthier to stop trying. This kind of emotional limbo can take a real toll, making it hard to move forward while still hoping things might improve.

For OP, this became a painful reality after their parents divorced. The court required the father to pay child support while OP was still in school. Instead of accepting this, he became resentful. OP tried to meet him for breakfast in hopes of mending the relationship, but the conversation only made things worse.

The father dismissed OP’s emotions, belittled their mother, and claimed they were never close. Soon after, he cut off contact entirely—skipping Easter invitations and ignoring any chance to reconnect.

The situation became more complicated when OP’s father got engaged to a woman he had known for years. This new fiancée seemed to encourage him to distance himself not only from OP but also from his own sister, who had supported him through the separation.

The father accused her of being “evil” simply because she remained friendly with OP’s mother. What hurt OP even more was how this fiancée only reached out when it involved buying an expensive Father’s Day gift.

She had never made an effort to include OP in anything else, which made the gesture feel transactional rather than genuine. OP is left wondering whether they are wrong for wanting no part in either the gift or their father’s life.

In reality, many in similar situations struggle with the same question. When a parent closes the door, protecting one’s own emotional well-being may be the healthiest choice.

Original Post

Reddit

Original Post

Reddit

Understanding the Psychology Behind This Situation

Divorce can create a complex emotional landscape for all involved, especially children. It’s not uncommon for one parent to express feelings of anger or resentment, which can lead to alienation from the other parent or even their children. Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a relationship therapist, emphasizes that "children are incredibly perceptive and can sense the tension between parents, which can lead to feelings of anxiety and insecurity." She notes that parental conflict during and after a divorce can significantly impact a child's emotional and psychological well-being, leading to issues like anxiety and depression (Dr. Alexandra Solomon).

Original Post

Reddit

Original Post

Reddit

Let’s be real: being excluded or ignored by a parent is not just painful; it can feel like a betrayal. Children often internalize these experiences, leading them to question their self-worth. This can result in long-term emotional struggles, affecting their relationships and self-image well into adulthood.

OP's age doesn’t excuse him from doing his part as a father.

Reddit

He chose to stop being a parent.

Reddit

What Research Shows About This Behavior

Studies have shown that during a divorce, one parent may unconsciously align with a child against the other parent, a phenomenon known as 'parental alienation.' This can lead to significant emotional damage for the child and create a toxic family dynamic. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, states, "Parental alienation can create a rift that not only harms the child but also disrupts the entire family structure." Children who experience alienation from a parent often show signs of depression and anxiety as they struggle to cope with conflicting loyalties, as noted by Dr. Laura Markham, a parenting expert who emphasizes the importance of maintaining healthy relationships during family transitions on her website, ahaparenting.com.

He has abandoned his fatherly duties.

Reddit

OP allowed to draw boundaries.

Reddit

Moreover, it’s essential to recognize that these behaviors stem from deep-rooted emotions and unresolved conflicts. Parents may feel overwhelmed by their own feelings of loss and inadequacy, which can manifest as negative behavior towards their children. Understanding this can help in addressing the underlying issues and working towards healthier relationships.

There’s no reason to give him a Father’s Day gift.

Reddit

Letting go of our fathers isn’t easy, but sometimes it’s necessary.

Reddit

Family conflicts after divorce can be challenging, especially when unresolved issues and new relationships add more pressure. OP’s story is a clear example of how quickly relationships can unravel when bitterness and divided loyalties take center stage.

While the father has chosen to step away, OP is left to decide whether to keep reaching out or prioritize their own emotional well-being. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. What matters is recognizing when continued effort causes more harm than good.

Choosing peace isn’t selfish—it’s sometimes the only way forward. In the end, letting go of strained relationships can open the door to building healthier and more supportive ones elsewhere.

OP needs to protect their peace.

Reddit

He’s not in a position to expect anything.

Reddit

OP needs to prioritize their well-being.

Reddit

Psychological Analysis

As a psychologist, I see how divorce can lead to a cycle of pain that affects not just the parents but also the children. It’s crucial for parents to be aware of their behavior and its impact on their children’s mental health. Seeking therapy can provide a safe space for all involved to process their emotions and improve communication.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, the emotional fallout from divorce is complex and often deeply impactful. Recognizing the signs of parental alienation and addressing them with empathy can help mitigate the long-term effects on children.