Parents Ask Young Woman To Quit Dream Job To Care For Her Brother — And Her Answer Divides The Family

A Reddit user recently shared a family conflict that exploded just as her adult life was finally beginning. At 22, she had graduated from college with a marketing degree and landed her dream entry-level job at a high-end tech company.

The OP’s younger brother, Alex, is 19 and has Down syndrome along with a heart condition that requires medication and daily supervision. He’s verbal, funny, obsessed with superheroes and puzzles, and lives at home while attending a day program for young adults with disabilities.

For years, the Redditor was Alex’s primary caregiver while their parents worked. From middle school on, she handled pickups, homework, meds, meltdowns, and routines, often skipping clubs, parties, and social events because Alex trusted her the most.

Her older sister moved out early and was rarely asked to help, focusing instead on her own career. Despite everything, the OP still graduated on time and worked hard to secure a job she saw as her chance at independence.

That excitement crashed when Alex’s day program cut hours due to funding issues. With no immediate alternatives and private aides costing over $35 an hour, her parents said they couldn’t afford outside help.

At a family lunch, they told the OP they expected her to quit her job and stay home to care for Alex. They called it temporary and insisted she was the only one who could manage him safely.

When she suggested adjusting schedules, using savings, or asking her sister to help, things turned ugly. Her parents accused her of choosing a paycheck over her disabled brother.

The OP said no, packed her things, and moved in with a friend that night. Now, relatives are calling her selfish, while she wonders if choosing her future makes her the villain.

Her parents accused her of choosing a paycheck over her disabled brother.

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Here’s the original post by Reddit user ‘JiggleJargon’.

I'm 22F, fresh out of college with a marketing degree. My younger brother, Alex(19), has Down syndrome. He's verbal, funny, obsessed with superheroes and puzzles, but needs support with daily routines, social interactions, and, like, medication stuff for his heart condition(hyper heart) and, of course, supervision to avoid impulsive behaviours. He attends a day program for young adults with disabilities and lives at home.Parents (mom 48F, dad 50M) both work; mom part-time retail, dad in logistics. From middle school and on, I was Alex’s main helper, like after-school pickups, homework, meds, meltdowns, bedtime stories(sometimes). My older sister(25) moved out early and was rarely asked to help him; she’s busy with her career. I skipped clubs, parties, even frats because Alex trusts you most; he calms down faster with you.:( (by my parents) I still graduated on time, landed my dream entry-level job at a high-end tech firm (starts next month, $65k/year, great benefits). My parents congratulated me until Alex's day program cut hours due to funding issues.No spots in alternatives for a long time, and private aides cost $35+/hour; they claim they can’t afford it (THEY can $10,000). So at the family lunch last week, they cornered me; Alex’s program is ending soon, they said, and we need you to quit the job and stay home to watch him during the days because you are the only one he truly listens to. It's just temporary family duty, and you need to take care of your brother… I was shocked. The job is my foot in the door; deferring means losing it, restarting applications, maybe relocating. I’ve waited years for this independence; I took care of my brother for a long time, and this job meant everything to me… living my life again… They brushed it off; jobs come and go. Alex didn’t choose this. You've always been amazing with him; we can't risk a stranger messing up his routine, etc. Then I asked why my sister couldn't help or why they couldn't adjust shifts/use savings.Mom teared up. She’s got her own life now. We’ve given up so much. It’s your turn to step up for your brother. (But I was already taking care of him FULLY.) Then I said no. I’ve already signed the offer, bought work clothes, and planned my commute. This is my future, and I don’t want to miss it. Dad got mad. So you're picking a paycheck over your disabled brother's well-being? What kind of sister are you?I packed my things that night and moved in with a friend. It was intense. Parents told family I’m ditching Alex for some fancy job. Relatives call me selfish. A few months won't ruin your career, but lack of care could devastate him. I genuinely love my brother. He has disabilities, but he is the kindest brother that anybody can wish for. I really care about him, but I feel like I did everything in my power to be there for him. Please be honest. Am I the AITA?

Here’s how the Reddit community reacted.

CatDog4565

She’s choosing a paycheck over her son.

Flimsy-Fortune-6437

They’re grooming you.

ohsnapdragon22

It’s not your responsibility.

Trick-Few

NTA.

covhr

Why can’t anyone else step up?

KrofftSurvivor

“Not your child, not your problem.”

TwistGlittering401

Don’t give up your dreams.

MOGAE-0804

Just offer to help out financially.

Ok-Palpitation5905

“Stand your ground.”

angel9_writes

They’re putting the burden on you.

No_Teacher_3313

They should’ve planned better.

pottersqaush

“Are your parents stupid?”

Unfair-Potential1061

In the end, the Redditor says she loves her brother deeply and always will, but she can’t keep putting her own life on hold. Now she’s asking the internet the question her family won’t stop debating: is choosing a future of her own really the same as abandoning the people she loves most?