Teen Follows Parents’ Exact Instructions, Gets Called Stupid for Not Guessing What They Really Meant
Following instructions word-for-word somehow became the wrong thing to do
A teenager (OP) recently posted about the exhausting pattern of being punished for doing exactly what their parents tell them to do.
OP explained that they’re constantly scolded for following instructions literally, and they’re genuinely confused about what they’re doing wrong.
Their parents keep telling them to listen and follow directions, but then get angry when they do exactly that.
One example: they were told to feed their dog Benji. They fed Benji. Fifteen minutes later, their parents were furious because they only fed one dog when they have multiple dogs. But that’s literally what they were told to do.
Another situation involved being told to wipe down the kitchen counter before relatives came over.
They wiped it down with a cloth and dried it. Their parents got mad again because apparently “wipe down the counter” actually meant tidy up condiments, put away dishes, and make everything look pretty. None of that was mentioned in the original instruction.
Their parents confronted them, calling them stupid with bad observation skills. In addition, they told OP to learn how to “read between the lines.”
OP, in a bid to prove that they’re not stupid, tried a different approach.
When asked to do a grocery run for vegetables, they asked which specific ones. Their parents responded sarcastically: “Just buy vegetables! Don’t you know what vegetables are?”
So they used their intuition and bought carrots, cabbage, broccoli, potatoes, and baby eggplants. When they got home, their parents yelled at them for having “no common sense” and not listening when they supposedly told them what to buy. Except they never actually specified.
Out of frustration, OP has decided to keep to themself and avoid their parents totally.
Check out the full story below.
Let's dig into the details
Reddit.comApparently, OP follows their parent’s words to the letter
Reddit.comDifferent examples
Reddit.com
Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, a child development expert, emphasizes the importance of clear communication between parents and children. She notes that when parents give instructions, they should be mindful of the potential for misinterpretation.
"Children often follow directives literally because they lack the experience to understand the nuances," she explains. This suggests that parents could benefit from clarifying expectations, perhaps by encouraging discussions about the intended outcome rather than just the task itself.
Encouraging Open Dialogue
Experts advise that fostering an environment where children feel comfortable asking questions can significantly improve understanding. Dr. Madeline Levine, a child psychologist, points out that children should be encouraged to seek clarification when they’re unsure.
This could involve creating a family mantra like, "It's okay to ask questions," which normalizes curiosity and promotes better communication. When children feel empowered to express uncertainty, it can lead to more productive interactions and a more harmonious home environment.
OP’s parents confronted them about their behavior of doing only exactly what is specified
Reddit.com
Like their parents advised, OP tried to “read between the lines” when given instructions, but it only got worse
Reddit.com
OP got frustrated and decided to keep to themself
Reddit.com
Understanding Behavioral Patterns
Psychologists have found that literal interpretations can stem from a child's cognitive development stage. Dr. Alison Gopnik, a developmental psychologist, notes that young people often process information in a straightforward manner.
This means that when parents express their wishes, they may inadvertently create confusion if their wording is vague. Gopnik recommends parents to phrase instructions in a way that encourages exploration and questioning, fostering a more collaborative environment.
We gathered some interesting comments from Netizens
Reddit.com
“Strong NTA, because you did ask for clarification, it wasn't given to you.”
Reddit.com
“NTA for the vegetables because in that they should have been specific.”
Reddit.com
The frustration expressed by the teenager highlights common miscommunication in family dynamics. Relationship experts suggest that establishing a family dialogue can help alleviate misunderstandings. Dr. Gary Chapman, known for his work on love languages, suggests using 'I' statements to express feelings and needs.
For instance, parents might say, "I feel frustrated when my instructions aren't understood," which could prompt more mindful conversations about expectations. This approach nurtures emotional connections and encourages children to express their confusion without fear of judgment.
“NTA. Your parents sound insufferable. Hope you can get out soon.”
Reddit.com
“Think we've found your issue. That and you seem to be a very literally person.”
Reddit.com
“Hey OP, not being mean but are you on the spectrum?”
Reddit.com
Practical Improvement Suggestions
To improve communication, experts recommend implementing regular family check-ins. Dr. Dan Siegel, a child psychiatrist, advocates for creating a safe space for children to voice their experiences and feelings about following instructions.
These sessions can involve discussing recent tasks and any confusion that arose, allowing parents to adjust their communication styles. This proactive approach not only enhances understanding but also strengthens family bonds, creating a more supportive environment for both parents and children.
“NTA. Perhaps you need to use your initiative a little more.”
Reddit.com
“NTA, your parents seem hard work. Especially the vegetables drama.”
Reddit.com
“If they want you to do something they have to spell it out, or else you won’t understand. NTA”
Reddit.com
The confusion surrounding literal interpretations often stems from a lack of emotional context. Dr. Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist, emphasizes that emotional intelligence is crucial in family communication.
He suggests that parents should model emotional awareness by discussing not just what needs to be done but also why it's important. By incorporating emotions into the conversation, parents can help their children grasp the underlying reasons for tasks, fostering a deeper understanding and reducing frustration.
There’s a communication pattern here where instructions are intentionally vague, but OP is expected to fill in the blanks correctly every time.
When they guess wrong, they’re punished for not understanding what was never actually said.
Some parents operate this way, believing it teaches initiative or common sense.
But without clear communication or consistent expectations, it mostly teaches confusion and frustration.
On the other hand, some Netizens have suggested that OP may be on the spectrum, as this is something that has been observed amongst autistic individuals.
What’s your take on this matter? Let us know in the comments.
Expert Opinion
This situation highlights a common communication breakdown between parents and teens, where vague instructions lead to misunderstandings and frustration. The parents might believe they're encouraging critical thinking, but without clear guidance, the teen feels confused and criticized for simply following directions. This can create an environment where the teen feels alienated, as they struggle to meet expectations that are never clearly communicated.Research-Based Understanding
The interactions between the teenager and their parents reveal a common challenge in familial communication. Research indicates that misunderstandings can often be addressed through open dialogue and clear expectations. Dr. Brené Brown highlights the importance of vulnerability in these discussions, suggesting that when families openly share their feelings, they foster deeper connections.
Ultimately, creating a supportive atmosphere where questions and clarifications are encouraged may transform these frustrating experiences into opportunities for growth and understanding. Families that communicate effectively can navigate challenges together, strengthening their bonds.
