45 Sincere Replies From Parents Revealing The Disappointments They Have About Having Children

Some parents on Reddit didn’t sugarcoat it, they admitted that having children came with heartbreak they never expected. Not the cute kind, the kind that hits at 3 a.m., when you’re staring at a sleeping kid and realizing you can’t fix the scary stuff, not even with all the love in the world.

In this thread, parents describe the nonstop reality, the endless worry about sickness, kidnapping, and getting lost, and the gut punch of knowing they’ll never be “free again.” They talk about reliving their own stress through their kids, figuring out meals plus a ridiculous amount of snacks, and trying to be perfect for someone who is impossible to satisfy.

And then the comments get brutally honest, the disappointments aren’t small, they’re the whole story.

1. "The emotional pain of watching your children go through something almost unimaginably difficult knowing that your best efforts may not be enough to save them."

Remote_Person5280

2. "Knowing that I’ll never truly be free again. I will worry about my child until the day I die."

Runner_Grl

3. The child version

JuneTheLoon

Many parents express disappointment in their parenting journey, reflecting a common psychological phenomenon known as 'expectation vs. reality'.

Research from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology indicates that high expectations can lead to feelings of inadequacy and disappointment when reality does not align with those expectations.

This gap can create a cycle of negative emotions, as parents may feel they are failing to meet not only their own standards but also societal expectations.

4. "Relentlessness"

Kids don’t stop, they don’t go away, they always need to be fed, and cleaned, and entertained. They are always there, for 21 years+, they are always there. Every single day, every single hour. Kids are always there.Rkozlow

5. "The worry that something horrible will happen to them. Sickness, kidnapping, getting lost, etc"

MelbaToast604

6. "Kids have an incredible ability to get really sick during the most inconvenient times."

jgiffin

Developmental psychologists emphasize that parenting can trigger unresolved childhood issues, leading to feelings of disappointment.

Studies show that when parents confront their own unmet needs through their children, it can lead to frustration and disappointment.

Understanding this phenomenon can help parents reframe their experiences and focus on the joys of parenting rather than solely on their disappointments.

7. "Figuring out 3 meals, 8,000 snacks, 1,000 activities and settling for the fact they won’t like, want or do any of them"

BurnThe___Down

8. "The worst part of being a parent is realizing that you're never going to be perfect for them."

You're only human yourself. You're weak, you're tired, you're fallible, just like them. And as such, you'll do/not-do something and you'll blow it out of proportion and crucify yourself, and you forget that you're just still human too.And in that moment, in that lapse in judgment, you'll regret yelling at them, you'll wish you played with them a little bit better, you'll regret getting frustrated and impatient, and you'll regret criticizing them. You'll miss them, wherever they are, whoever old they are.The worst part of being a parent is that you can't save them from yourself. It's all in the game of life, and every second of it takes effort and thoughtful energy. Some days will be better than others. This too, shall pass.Rpark888

9. "The guilt when you have to stand up to your kids and discipline them. It's never fun to see them sad."

AlwaysNipping

The moment “relentlessness” hits, it’s not theoretical, it’s a daily loop of feeding, cleaning, and entertaining that never actually ends.

The pressures of societal norms play a significant role in shaping parental expectations.

10. "The sleep deprivation."

I'm serious, it wrecked me. I was already suffering from postpartum depression, and I was both breastfeeding and dealing with an unhelpful partner. I didn't sleep much until the baby was about a year old.Cognitively and emotionally, it destroyed me. I made stupid mistakes at work and as a parent. I didn't trust or like myself -- or the baby.That's the number one reason he's an only child. I can't handle the lack of sleep. He's an amazing, creative, hilarious 15-year-old now; I love him and I love being the mom of a teenager. For one thing, he sleeps through the night.insertcaffeine

11. Letting them fail

Aromatic-Blackberry5

12. "Endless, thankless drudgery."

The house is always disgusting. Everything you cook is garbage. Nothing is ever done, and everything you do is wrong. Constant expenses. Neverending judgment from total strangers about what a piece of s**t parent you are.Dragon_wryter

Psychological interventions, such as mindfulness and cognitive-behavioral therapy, can be beneficial for parents struggling with disappointment.

13. Explanations

Sylessaria

14. "Honestly, it is the lack of a few minutes to yourself for contemplation."

rambo_oz3

15. "They naturally learn all your bad habits"

Shadow948

Right after that, the worry list gets specific, sickness, kidnapping, and the fear of a kid disappearing, even during the most normal day.

Creating Supportive Networks

Building supportive networks can alleviate feelings of disappointment among parents.

16. Raising them

Maleficent_Scale_296

Similar to refusing a pregnant friend’s godparent request, even heartfelt pressure can strain the relationship.

17. Mental health problems

Serenity2010

18. "No/little free time"

MissingCalifornia-

19. "The constant fear"

It may not always be at the front of your mind but it's always there. Are they ok, are the feeling sick, happy, sad. What are they not telling me. Are they safe when they go out. Do they understand I'm not trying to be a complete a**e, will they be ok when I'm gone.No_Swordfish_5518

20. "The fear. Anything could happen, at any moment, that would completely destroy your world."

MrSpindles

21. Point of view

Three-eyed_seagull

22. "Loving someone so much, yet, sometimes you want to just beat the s**t out of."

TrailerParkPrepper

23. "Do you like doing things? Say goodbye to doing any of those things."

partial_birth

24. "Laugh. ‘It is the best of times, it is the worst of times’"

ConstantlySlippery

25. Making mistakes

ZentheOgre

26. Sick

FuckingButteredJorts

27. "Being able to do seemingly next to nothing to console them when they see something traumatic."

Drow_Sucker

28. Dealing with them

draftstone

29. "It depends what you are already lacking in life. Don't have a lot of money? Wait until daycare bills add up. Don't have a lot of free time or get much sleep? Welcome to being a zombie for a few years."

GMaharris

30. Lack of sleep

LastLadyResting

31. Constant fear

TheSaSQuatCh

32. Tragic

CrumzAus

33. Quotes

all_natural_d20s

34. "Not me, but my best friend told me the thing he hates the most about being a parent is just not having any money for him to spend on his wife. Before they had kids, he would surprise her with little gifts every now and again and it would make her so happy. Now he's starting to feel bad now that he can't do that anymore"

Author_Story_Teller

35. "The fact that horrible things can happen to them and it will ultimately be your fault."

It continues...

RainWindowCoffee

36. The connection

borsky

37. The freedom

My kids are 1 and 3 years old and although i love them to death and would never want to lose them again I do sometimes miss my freedom. When i see how easy it is for ppl who dont have kids to do things such as travel or pursue hobbies i get kinda sad and wish i could still do those things too.doubt_me

38. Packing lunch

BlueMountainDace

39. Former self

Heimlich_Maneuver

40. Listing them out

RandyMarsh129

41. Concept of death

vk2786

42. As simple as that

gamingwoof

43. Wavelength

queenlatiti

44. Relationship strain

TasteItMmm

45. Sick days

Good_Confection_3365

Then the emotional math gets worse, parents start realizing they’re never going to be perfect for their kids, no matter how hard they try.

By the time they’re juggling 3 meals, 8,000 snacks, and 1,000 activities, the disappointment turns into a constant background noise, not a one-time feeling.

It's common for parents to get lost in the chaos of motherhood and fatherhood, but it's crucial to make time for yourself to engage in activities you enjoy, including playing sports, hanging out with friends when your children aren't around, engaging in artistic endeavors, or going on dates. It's about putting yourself first and being a little selfish sometimes.

But still, we are parents, and we can't love our kids less.

Parental disappointment emerges as a multifaceted issue deeply intertwined with personal expectations and societal pressures.

Nobody wants to be the “almost enough” parent, but that’s what the comments keep admitting they feel like.

For another pregnancy-fueled friendship blowup, read about skipping a BFF’s baby shower after feeling excluded from her pregnancy journey.