People Share Their Views On Why Parents Rarely Apologize
"He never said sorry; he just bought me something."
A lot of Redditors swear their parents never apologized, even when they clearly messed up, and the comments read like a whole support group for grown kids who are still waiting for “I was wrong.” In OP’s thread, the whole thing spirals because the apology never comes, and the “fix” is always something else, a new explanation, a different story, or extra force to shut the conversation down.
OP and other commenters describe the same messy pattern: parents who skip accountability, double down on authority, and act like admitting fault would cost them control. Some people talk about pride, some about fear of looking weak, and some about the kind of shame that makes a parent rather argue than say sorry, especially after hurting their kid or making a mistake.
It gets personal fast, because when apologies disappear, the damage sticks around.
People, like OP's parents, often skip apologizing and make up for their actions in different ways
RedditPeople may fear losing control if they admit they're wrong
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OP’s parents didn’t just avoid saying “I’m sorry,” they tried to make everything okay in totally different ways, which is where the resentment really starts.
The Challenge of Parental Apologies
Research shows that parents often struggle with apologizing due to a combination of pride, fear of vulnerability, and a desire to maintain authority. The psychological concept of 'ego defense mechanisms' describes how individuals protect their self-image, which can lead to avoidance of accountability.
Parents not apologizing and using excessive force reveal their imperfections as people and parents.
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Feelings of Shame
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Some parents don't apologize when they're wrong, which is not normal
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The thread keeps circling back to the moment someone realizes the refusal to apologize is less about the incident and more about protecting their image.
Moreover, the impact of parental behavior on child development is profound.
It echoes the in-law loan fight, where the borrower asked for repayment and sparked family discord.
People, including parents, should acknowledge their mistakes and apologize when they've done wrong.
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Many parents never felt the need to apologize
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Parents may avoid apologizing because they fear it makes them seem weak and submissive
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Even when the conversation turns to fear of vulnerability, commenters point out how that fear somehow turns into refusing accountability and using excessive force instead.
Vulnerability is a key component of healthy relationships, and acknowledging mistakes is part of that.
Parents sometimes do things that upset us
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Apologizing sets an example for children to learn accountability and strengthens the parent-child relationship
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Parents often struggle to admit they're wrong because they rarely feel that way, even when they are
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By the time people talk about shame and why a parent “never felt the need,” OP’s situation stops being a one-off and starts feeling like a family pattern.
Encouraging parents to embrace vulnerability can be a powerful step toward healing.
When parents do something wrong, like making a mistake or hurting their kids, they sometimes find it hard to say they're sorry. This happens because they might think saying sorry makes them look weak or like they're giving in to someone else. But that's not true.
Saying sorry is a strong and positive thing to do. It's like showing that you know when you make a mistake and that you're trying to make things right. This is important, especially when parents are trying to teach their kids about responsibility and honesty.
When parents don't say sorry, it can make their kids feel confused and upset. They might not understand why their mom or dad won't admit they did something wrong. It can also make it harder for kids to trust their parents.
So, parents need to say sorry when they make a mistake. It's a way of showing love and strengthening their relationship with their kids. And remember, everyone makes mistakes sometimes, and saying sorry is a way to make things better. It's a sign of being wise and strong, not weak.
The hesitance of parents to offer apologies carries significant weight in shaping family dynamics.
The family dinner might end, but the apology-shaped hole in the story never does.
Still dealing with resistant parents, see why OP asked for family therapy in this AITA.
