Woman Gets Tagged As 'Satan' By Religious Family After Honouring Her Atheist Late Brother’s Funeral Wishes
Apparently, the dead don't get a say in how they should be buried.
The death of a loved one is one of the hardest things people ever go through. The pain that accompanies it is often earth-shattering, and many never stop feeling this pain, even though it may lessen over time.
Unfortunately, everyone will likely experience this at least once in their lives, as the number of deaths per day globally is around 150,000.
Due to this, funerals occur quite frequently. Many people plan these with great precision and effort, as it’s their last goodbye to their loved ones. Some families even have funeral traditions to help ease their pain.
One Redditor, however, had to go against her family’s traditions to follow her brother’s funeral wishes, and this did not sit well with her grandmother.
OP shared on the AITA subreddit that her family is deeply religious, but her brother was an atheist, and she was the only one in touch with him before he died.
OP’s brother left a will stating she should be the only one in charge of his funeral. Following this, OP organized a funeral for her brother without a prayer vigil the night before or a mass or priest, despite her family pressuring her to do so.
When OP’s grandparents heard about this, they were very upset, so when her 91-year-old grandmother’s health deteriorated afterward, OP was blamed for it.
Even though OP’s brother’s girlfriend thanked her for adhering to her brother’s wishes, OP can’t help but feel bad about it due to her family’s reaction. This led her to ask the ultimate AITA question.
Scroll down to see the verdict!
The story in detail
Reddit.comOP organized her atheist late brother's funeral according to his will
Reddit.comNow OP's grandparents are livid and the family sees her as 'Satan personified'
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Exploring Grief and Identity in Funerals
The conflict surrounding funeral arrangements highlights the intersection of grief, identity, and familial expectations. Research published in the Journal of Death and Dying indicates that individuals often navigate complex emotions related to identity, particularly when honoring loved ones who held different beliefs or lifestyles. In this case, the woman’s decision to honor her late brother’s wishes reflects her struggle to balance personal beliefs with familial expectations.
This tension can lead to feelings of guilt or shame, especially when family members react negatively to choices that deviate from traditional norms.
Here's how the Reddit community reacted to the story:
"If the dead make it clear how they want their funeral, then it should be respected"
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"NTA. Well done for honoring him"
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"Grandmother is NOT prevented from holding a personal prayer vigil for your brother"
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Furthermore, the concept of disenfranchised grief comes into play when individuals feel unsupported in their grieving process. Studies suggest that when a person's grief is not recognized or validated by others, it can lead to isolation and emotional distress. This situation exemplifies how familial reactions can exacerbate feelings of disenfranchisement, making it even more challenging for the woman to navigate her grief.
"You did what your brother asked for"
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"Your brother's girlfriend thanked you, which matters more than your grandma"
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"It would’ve been disrespectful to give him a Catholic funeral."
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The Role of Personal Agency in Grieving
Personal agency plays a critical role in how individuals navigate their grief. According to Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, a happiness researcher, "The ability to make choices that align with our values is essential for emotional well-being." In this case, the woman's choice to honor her brother’s wishes represents an assertion of agency in a situation where she may feel otherwise powerless.
Empowering individuals to make decisions that resonate with their beliefs, even in the face of familial disapproval, is essential for processing grief in a healthy manner, as emphasized by Dr. Brené Brown, who states, "Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change."
"Her beliefs are her problem; they are not yours."
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"You honored your brother’s wishes, and he was right to trust you"
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"You did the right thing to honor what he wanted."
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Moreover, engaging in reflective practices can help individuals clarify their feelings and decisions surrounding grief. Research indicates that journaling or expressive writing can facilitate emotional processing, allowing individuals to articulate their experiences without fear of judgment from others. This strategy could assist the woman in processing her emotions surrounding her brother's death and the subsequent familial conflict.
The commenters gave OP the enviable title of NTA and assured her she was right to follow her brother’s wishes.
According to them, OP’s brother’s only family members were his child, his girlfriend, and OP since his family had ostracized him for his beliefs.
Do you agree with the commenters? Let us know in the comments below!
Psychological Analysis
This scenario emphasizes the complex interplay between grief and personal identity, particularly when family dynamics complicate the grieving process. It's essential for individuals to advocate for their own needs and values, even in the face of familial discord, as this can significantly impact their emotional well-being.
Analysis generated by AI
Analysis & Alternative Approaches
Understanding the nuances of grief and identity can empower individuals to navigate familial expectations while honoring their loved ones authentically. Acknowledging the importance of personal agency and engaging in reflective practices can promote emotional resilience during challenging times. Ultimately, maintaining a focus on one's values and desires can lead to healthier grieving processes.
