Redditor Asks If She's A**hole For Encouraging Her Fiance To Stop Being People-Pleaser

Most of us strive to be nice people, and if we can help someone out, we will, right? But when does being nice become being taken advantage of?

It can be a fine line, and Reddit user u/Optimal_Fish_7029 recently shared a story in the r/AITA (Am I The A**hole?) subreddit about her fiancé being far too kind to people. She explained that her fiancé goes above and beyond to help others.

He can't say no to anyone, and people have taken advantage of his kindness in the past. The OP says that without her, he would be a huge people-pleaser.

When asked by her friend to explain this, the OP said that when someone asks her fiancé for something, he will often run it by her first to get her opinion. If the Redditor thinks they are asking too much of her man, she helps him write a response to say no.

This usually involves editing her fiancé's message to be more assertive. Sometimes, the OP says she has to "put her foot down" when people start taking advantage of him.

Of course, he always has the final say in his responses. But the OP's friend told her this was very controlling and manipulative behavior.

The Redditor's friend said it's not right for the OP to try to change him. She said that if she ever needs to ask him for a favor now, she will feel judged by the OP.

The OP says she thought she was helping her fiancé out, but now she's wondering if she's the a**hole here. Keep scrolling to see how people reacted.

The Redditor asked if she's an a**hole for encouraging her fiancé to be an a**hole.

Reddit/Optimal_Fish_7029

She explained that her fiancé goes above and beyond to help people.

Understanding People-Pleasing Traits

People-pleasing behavior often arises from deep-seated fears of abandonment and a desire for acceptance.

Research from the University of California, Berkeley, indicates that individuals who struggle with this behavior often lack self-esteem and rely on external validation.

Over time, this can lead to a cycle of self-neglect, as individuals prioritize others' needs over their own, resulting in emotional burnout.

He can't say no to anyone, and people have taken advantage of his kindness in the past.

The OP says that without her, her fiancé would be a huge people-pleaser.

Social psychologists emphasize the role of societal expectations in shaping people-pleasing behaviors.

Studies suggest that cultural norms often dictate that individuals, particularly women, should be accommodating and nurturing, leading to a sense of obligation to meet others' needs.

Challenging these societal constructs can empower individuals to assert their own needs and establish healthier boundaries in relationships.

The OP said that when someone asks her fiancé for something, he will often run it by her first.

If the Redditor thinks they are asking too much of her man, she helps him write a response to say no.

Practical Steps to Overcome People-Pleasing

Establishing personal boundaries is crucial for those who struggle with people-pleasing tendencies.

Therapists often recommend practicing assertive communication skills to help individuals express their needs clearly and confidently.

Additionally, journaling can be an effective tool for self-reflection, allowing individuals to identify patterns in their behavior and recognize when they are sacrificing their own needs for others.

This usually involves editing her fiancé's message to be more assertive.

Sometimes, the OP says she has to "put her foot down" when people start taking advantage of her fiancé.

Incorporating self-care routines into daily life is vital for overcoming people-pleasing behaviors.

Research from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology emphasizes that self-care practices promote emotional well-being and resilience.

Encouraging individuals to prioritize their own needs can lead to healthier relationships, as they become more grounded and confident in their identities.

Of course, he always gets the final say in how he responds.

But the OP's friend told her this was very controlling and manipulative behavior.

Understanding the Impact of People-Pleasing on Relationships

People-pleasing behaviors can create imbalanced relationships, where one partner feels overburdened while the other feels unfulfilled.

Studies show that this dynamic can lead to resentment and emotional disconnect, as the people-pleaser may feel undervalued and the partner may feel smothered.

Recognizing this pattern is essential for both partners to address their needs and build a more equitable relationship.

The Redditor's friend said it's not right for the OP to try to change him.

She said that if she ever needs to ask him for a favor now, she will feel judged by the OP.

Engaging in therapy can provide valuable insights for individuals struggling with people-pleasing behaviors. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has been shown to effectively address these issues by helping individuals challenge negative thought patterns and develop healthier relationship dynamics.

Additionally, support groups can offer a sense of community and validation, encouraging individuals to share their experiences and learn from others.

Ultimately, fostering a sense of self-worth independent of external approval is key to overcoming people-pleasing tendencies.

The OP says she thought she was helping her fiancé out, but now she's wondering if she's the a**hole here.

Here's how people reacted.

Reddit/coastalkid92

What are your thoughts on this situation? Do you think the OP is an a**hole for trying to get her fiancé to stop being so nice, or is she just trying to help him out?

We would love to hear your opinions on this. You can share your thoughts with us in the comment section.

"Your friend is nuts."

Reddit/WealthOk9637

"Your friend wants your fiancé to be a doormat so she can take advantage of him."

Reddit/Royal_Basil_1915

It's about boundaries and independence.

Reddit/blissasstic

"People pleasing is a hard habit to break."

Reddit/Jazzylizard19

"Protect your man."

Reddit/okayNowThrowItAway

That's what partners do.

Reddit/SolomonDRand

A helpful reminder.

Reddit/squigs

Psychological Analysis

This behavior reflects an internal struggle where individuals often prioritize others at the expense of their own well-being.

Understanding the motivations behind these tendencies can help individuals develop healthier self-perceptions and foster more balanced relationships.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Research consistently indicates that overcoming people-pleasing behaviors requires self-awareness and the establishment of healthy boundaries.

As studies suggest, fostering self-esteem and assertiveness can significantly improve relationship dynamics.

Ultimately, encouraging individuals to prioritize their own needs can lead to healthier and more fulfilling connections with others.