Woman Faces Criticism for Letting Nieces And Nephews Play With Toys At Funeral

In different social gatherings, people are expected to act in a specific way. During funerals, for example, it's only natural to express condolences, offer support to grieving family members, and maintain a somber and respectful demeanor, acknowledging the solemnity of the occasion.

However, it's unrealistic to anticipate children exhibiting impeccable decorum in gatherings like funerals. Ideally, they might be engrossed in quiet play with a toy or two.

Today's story from the "Am I The A**hole?" (AITA) subreddit is about how a woman handled her niblings at a funeral. But even if she did her best to keep the little ones quiet, the way she did so wasn't appreciated.

The original poster (OP) told the community that she helped her single mother sister with a 4-year-old niece and a 2-year-old nephew. Since they would be handling two potentially noisy kids, they came prepared.

Equipped with quiet toys, headphones, coloring books, and strategic walks outside, the kids remained well-behaved during their aunt's funeral. However, the family's reaction was unexpected.

After receiving numerous scolding messages and calls for not making the kids watch the service and for allowing them to play, the woman and her sister found themselves questioning whether they were in the wrong. Some criticized the presence of toys, while others argued that the children needed to learn to sit still and be obedient.

The OP and her sister, however, believed that expecting such behavior from a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old during a funeral was unrealistic.

OP asked the community if she and her sister were wrong for allowing two kids to play at a funeral.

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OP tells the community that she has a sister with two kids.

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She helps take care of the kids, especially since her sister is a single mom.

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Children often express themselves through play, even in solemn circumstances like funerals. Research from developmental psychology indicates that play serves as a coping mechanism, helping children process complex emotions.

A study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry found that engaging in play allows children to externalize their feelings and make sense of their surroundings. This behavior shouldn't be viewed as disrespectful but rather as a natural way for children to cope with their experiences and emotions during significant life events.

Children's behavior during funerals can evoke mixed reactions from adults, often leading to tension. Research suggests that understanding the psychological basis for this behavior can foster compassion rather than criticism.

According to the American Psychological Association, acknowledging children's emotional needs and allowing them to express themselves can contribute to healthier coping mechanisms. This understanding encourages adults to create an environment where children feel safe to play, even in solemn gatherings, promoting emotional resilience in the long run.

The Role of Play in Processing Grief

Dr. Jennifer R. Wright, a child psychologist at the University of Toronto, emphasizes that play can be a crucial tool for children processing grief.

Her research indicates that allowing children to engage with toys in a safe environment can help them express their feelings about loss.

This approach can facilitate emotional healing and promote resilience in the face of grief.

The entire family gathers during funerals. This time, the OP and her sister came prepared by bringing toys for the little ones.

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OP and her sister were successful in keeping the kids quiet while they were at the funeral.

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But their relatives didn't like that the kids were playing. They expected the kids to pay their respects to the dead.

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The Role of Social Norms

Social norms dictate appropriate behavior in various contexts, including funerals. Psychologists suggest that these norms can lead to unrealistic expectations, especially regarding children's behavior.

A study published in the Journal of Social Issues highlights how children are often held to adult standards of behavior, which can lead to undue stress for parents and caregivers. Understanding that children may not grasp the significance of a funeral can help mitigate judgment and promote a more compassionate atmosphere that embraces diverse expressions of grief.

Studies show that children often lack the cognitive ability to articulate their feelings about loss, making play an essential outlet for expression.

For example, engaging with toys during difficult situations can provide comfort and a sense of agency.

Supportive environments allow children to navigate their emotions more effectively.

OP and her sister believe that expecting kids to behave during such an event is unreasonable.

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The two kids are too young to understand how to properly behave at a funeral.

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Kids will be kids, even at funerals.

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According to Dr. Laura Markham, clinical psychologist and author, children respond to emotional situations based on their developmental stage. For young children, a funeral is an abstract concept, making it difficult for them to grasp its gravity.

Her research emphasizes the importance of preparing children for such events by framing them in a way they can understand, fostering emotional intelligence. This preparation can ease expectations for behavior, allowing children to express themselves naturally while still honoring the occasion.

Fostering Healthy Grieving Processes

Experts recommend that families create spaces where children can play and express their emotions freely, especially during times of grief.

By allowing children to engage with toys at significant events, families can help them process their feelings in a non-threatening way.

This practice can foster emotional expression and healing.

The OP's story had some people sharing their experiences with kids in such events.

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You can only expect a toddler to be a toddler, no matter where they are.

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The OP's relatives are indeed delusional if they think that kids can behave without the toys.

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Coping Strategies for Parents

Parents can implement effective coping strategies when navigating children's behavior in emotionally charged situations. Child psychologists recommend using storytelling as a tool to explain the significance of events like funerals.

Research indicates that narrative techniques can enhance children's understanding and emotional processing. By framing the event in a relatable story, parents can help children feel more secure and less anxious about their surroundings, allowing them to behave naturally without feeling pressured to conform to adult expectations.

Research published in the Journal of Child Psychology underscores the importance of play in emotional development.

Children who are given the freedom to express grief through play often show more resilience and better emotional regulation.

Facilitating opportunities for play during significant events can be a powerful tool for family healing.

The OP and her sister did what's best. Everyone didn't have to deal with noisy kids because the OP brought toys along.

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The relatives should be thankful that the OP and her sister came with the toys and other items to keep them quiet. Things could have been worse without things that entertain the little children.

At ages two and four, the relatives can't expect the little kids to properly pay their respects to the OP's aunt. The OP should pay no mind to the negative comments and do the same thing if they need to attend this kind of event with the kids.

Psychological Analysis

This situation underscores the importance of allowing children to engage with their emotions during significant events, such as funerals.

Encouraging play can serve as a powerful tool for processing grief, helping children navigate their feelings in a supportive environment.

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Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Research indicates that play can be a vital resource for children navigating grief and loss.

By fostering spaces where children can engage with their feelings through play, families can promote healing and resilience.

Ultimately, supporting emotional expression during challenging times is key to healthy development.

Psychological Analysis

The woman and her sister were right in understanding that it's unrealistic to expect young children to fully comprehend and conform to the norms of a somber event like a funeral. Play is not only an essential part of children's emotional development but also a critical tool for them to process complex feelings, such as grief. Their choice to let the kids play quietly reflects an understanding of age-appropriate behavior and psychological coping mechanisms.

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Solutions & Coping Strategies

Understanding children's behavior during funerals through a psychological lens reveals the importance of compassion and flexibility. Research consistently shows that children cope with grief differently, often through play and exploration.

By recognizing that their actions are a natural response to complex emotions, adults can foster a more supportive environment. Open discussions about grief and age-appropriate explanations can significantly enhance children's emotional well-being, allowing them to navigate these challenging experiences while maintaining a connection to the collective mourning of the occasion.