Man Urges Wife To Quit Smoking, Citing Original Agreement Made At Start Of Their Relationship, Now She Smokes Around Their Child

A 28-year-old woman refused to quit smoking the way her husband wanted, and now it’s turned into a full-blown fight inside their own home.

But fast forward to having a child, and OP says she’s smoking around their baby, day after day. The post goes deep on how much she smokes, how upset OP is that it’s happening in the same space as their child, and how the original promise now feels broken, not just inconvenient.

And at this point, OP isn’t just mad about cigarettes, he’s wondering what the agreement even meant anymore.

OP gave us lots of backstory on the situation and on what was going on with her smoking and his thoughts on the whole thing.

u/Strange_Basket1109

He then goes into detail about how now it's especially bothering him because they have a child together and she's smoking around their child.

u/Strange_Basket1109

So many people were focused on how much she smokes a day because it's definitely excessive, and we can't imagine smoking that much while being around a baby as well.

BoyoDee

OP’s frustration spikes once the smoking shifts from “her habit” to something happening right next to their child, and everyone in the comments starts counting cigarettes like it’s a scoreboard.

Agreements made at the beginning of a relationship often serve as foundational elements for trust and mutual respect.

Well, I mean this person is absolutely right; that's that. But also, if it's becoming a dealbreaker, then that's that.

Purple-Try8602

It's insane how much she's smoking if it's really that much a day because we can't imagine what that is like for all of them living with her.

HereFishyFishy4444

This is true as well because there's no way, but maybe he needs to take a different approach when talking to her about it and make it more of a necessity for both of them.

nycgarbagewhore

The thread zeroes in on the original deal they made at the start of the relationship, because betrayal hits harder when the baby is involved.

This is similar to the AITA over an exotic pet, after one partner objected without discussion.

Additionally, individuals may feel a sense of betrayal when agreements are not honored, which can lead to resentment.

One hard thing that a lot of people have learned is that you can't stop someone else from smoking, and you can't make them quit; that's their call.

Possible_Living

It could be something to do with postpartum if she didn't smoke as much before the baby, but either way, that's a lot, and it definitely is something that needs to be cut down on.

JessWillMakeIt2Day

Quitting something like smoking is a big deal, and it requires support from everyone in that person's life, so his support of her is important.

Shryxer

OP pushes the idea that she needs to cut back, but the replies remind everyone that you can’t force someone to quit, even when the resentment is justified.

Fostering Healthy Communication About Agreements

To address these concerns, couples can engage in open dialogues about their feelings regarding the original agreements.

This would be a good compromise; maybe if they can't work together for her to stop completely, he should consider this.

annamariapix

This situation is definitely a little all over the place, but setting boundaries and coming to a compromise is essential for both of them. It's definitely something that needs to be discussed between the two of them so they can come to an agreement.

Furthermore, setting regular check-ins can help partners reassess and discuss their agreements over time.

The situation presented in this Reddit thread highlights the critical importance of maintaining open communication and mutual respect in relationships. The husband's call for his wife to adhere to their original agreement about smoking, especially with their child’s well-being at stake, shows how deeply personal boundaries can be affected by changes in behavior. When couples fail to revisit and discuss the implications of these agreements, misunderstandings can arise, leading to significant emotional strain. This scenario serves as a poignant reminder that healthy communication is essential for navigating the complexities of modern relationships.

Now he’s stuck wondering if the real problem is the cigarettes, or the promise that never held.

For another relationship agreement fight, read why one partner refused to adopt a pet.