People Who Previously Had Affairs That Ended Their Relationships Get Candid On Why They Cheated

There is no exact number that can quantify how many people cheat because not every affair is reported. When the data is combined from several studies, it shows that in the US about 15% to 20% of married couples cheat.

The reality is that the older people get, the more likely they are to have an affair. Infidelity also accounts for roughly 20 to 40 percent of divorces.

These statistics don't even include people who aren't married. We can only imagine how many relationships end because of affairs.

The biggest mystery still is the reason for the infidelity. If you're that unhappy, why not just end the relationship and begin a new one with the person you're attracted to?

It turns out that the reasons why people cheat are a lot more complicated than we would like to believe. It's easy to speculate about other people's relationships but we are not likely to know the real reason why people choose to cheat.

Cheaters are often shamed by their actions and are not forthcoming with their motivations. One thing is clear, in most cases, it's not only about sex.

Reading through this viral Reddit thread certainly supports that. On a rare occasion, cheaters were given the platform to air out why they cheated and it was enlightening. You can read some of their answers below.

1. This person cheated because his partner told him nobody else would want him and he wanted to prove her wrong

2. Their relationships had sketchy origins but they lasted. Good for them, I guess.

[deleted]

3. Yes, it is technically an affair and the level of justification in this story is astounding

pmoran88

The Psychology of Infidelity

Infidelity can often be understood through the lens of unmet emotional needs. Research in clinical psychology suggests that many individuals who cheat may feel emotionally neglected or unfulfilled within their primary relationship. For instance, a study conducted by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy highlights that approximately 70% of men and 60% of women cite emotional dissatisfaction as a significant factor leading to infidelity.

This emotional disconnect can stem from various factors, including stress, lack of communication, and unresolved conflicts. Understanding these underlying issues is crucial for couples who wish to prevent infidelity, as addressing emotional needs directly can foster a more secure and connected relationship.

It's good that you seem to have made peace and all that but it was still an affair

pmoran88

4. This dude who was unwittingly roped into an affair with a woman who failed to share she was still techically married to her husband who believed they were working on their marriage

gt35r

5. The classic your affair partner will eventually cheat on you as well

chapped_lip

A significant aspect of infidelity is the role of personal values and beliefs. Research indicates that individuals with more permissive attitudes toward cheating are more likely to engage in extradyadic relationships. A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that those who believe infidelity is acceptable under certain circumstances are more likely to cheat, indicating that moral frameworks play a critical role in these decisions.

This observation highlights the importance of aligning personal beliefs with relationship commitments. Couples may benefit from open discussions about their values regarding fidelity, which can help cultivate a shared understanding and prevent potential breaches of trust.

6. Who would have thought sexual awakening could happen at a bank

Billbapoker

7. The cheater wife asked for an open marriage...

kuwatatak

... inadvertently introduced her husband to his affair partner and future wife

kuwatatak

Attachment Styles and Cheating

Attachment theory offers valuable insights into why some individuals are more prone to infidelity than others. Research shows that those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles are often more likely to engage in extramarital affairs. According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, individuals with anxious attachment may seek validation and affection outside their primary relationship to alleviate feelings of insecurity.

Conversely, avoidantly attached individuals might cheat as a way to avoid emotional intimacy. Understanding one's attachment style and how it influences relationship dynamics can be crucial for fostering healthier connections and reducing the risk of infidelity.

8. Kissed another woman the night before his wedding. Bought a house with his new wife.

7stentguy

Asked for separation to be with the girl he kissed. She eventually left him and he now considers the affair the biggest mistake of his life.

7stentguy

9. Revenge short affair

JAHNOOSKA

It's essential to recognize the psychological impact of infidelity on both partners. Research shows that infidelity can lead to significant emotional distress, including feelings of betrayal, anger, and low self-esteem in the betrayed partner. A clinical psychologist emphasizes that the aftermath of an affair often triggers complex grief processes, where the partner must mourn not only the betrayal but also the loss of the idealized relationship they thought they had.

Couples therapy can be beneficial in such situations, providing a supportive environment for both partners to express their feelings, rebuild trust, and redefine their relationship moving forward. Evidence from numerous studies supports the efficacy of couples therapy in facilitating healing after infidelity, particularly when both partners are committed to the process.

10. The dad who was given another chance but he blew it again by having another affair

Own-Reputation-3956

11. The serial cheater who sleep-confessed his affair

maybebabyg

20 years later, he is still playing his games and he's a predator now as well

maybebabyg

Coping Mechanisms and Infidelity

Understanding infidelity through the lens of coping mechanisms can offer new insights into why individuals cheat. Research indicates that some people resort to cheating as a maladaptive coping strategy in response to stress or dissatisfaction in their primary relationship. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that individuals who experienced high levels of relationship stress were more likely to engage in infidelity as a way of escaping their problems.

Developing effective coping strategies, such as open communication, conflict resolution skills, and emotional regulation techniques, can help partners address relationship issues constructively rather than seeking solace outside the relationship.

12. This husband who cheated on his wife with their threesome partner

sloppyjoe218

13. The shoulder to cry on that turned into a 5-year affair

Trickysocials

14. It's common for professionals who travel a lot for work to have someone on the side

PacMan8122

Interestingly, the decision to cheat may also be influenced by social and environmental factors. Research has shown that individuals are more likely to engage in infidelity when they are in social circles where cheating is normalized or accepted. A study from the University of Michigan found that individuals with friends who cheat are significantly more likely to cheat themselves, suggesting a profound social influence on personal behavior.

This insight underscores the importance of choosing social environments that reflect one's values and encourage healthy relationships. Couples should also be mindful of the company they keep, as social norms can subtly shape individual behaviors and attitudes toward fidelity.

15. This was one hell of a read

[deleted]

16. The affair partner that was strung along by the rockstar's wife

Notagoodguy80

He is still trying to fix the mess he made

Notagoodguy80

Preventing Infidelity Through Communication

Communication is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship, particularly when it comes to discussing fidelity. Research has consistently shown that couples who engage in open and honest discussions about their needs, desires, and boundaries are less likely to experience infidelity. According to a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, couples who practice regular check-ins and discussions about their relationship report higher levels of satisfaction and lower instances of cheating.

To cultivate this open communication, partners can set aside regular time to discuss their relationship dynamics, addressing any emerging concerns or unfulfilled needs. This proactive approach not only strengthens the relationship but also creates a safe space for both partners to express their feelings without fear of judgment.

17. This lady who took her therapist's advice out of context and decided to cheat beause self-love

mmmmonicaa

18. The guy who cheated on his wife because he felt trapped in their marriage

Shesnotintothistrack

Here he is trying to make it sound like he had no choice

Shesnotintothistrack

Infidelity often leads to a cycle of shame and secrecy, impacting the individuals involved profoundly. Research in psychology suggests that shame can be a significant barrier to healing, as it fosters isolation and prevents open dialogue about the affair. A clinical psychologist explains that recognizing and addressing shame is crucial for both partners to move forward effectively.

Therapeutic interventions that focus on self-compassion and vulnerability can help individuals break this cycle. Encouraging both partners to share their feelings in a supportive environment can facilitate healing, allowing for growth and deeper emotional connections.

19. This person who fell in love with his gym instructor and are now happily together for 16 years

mark_wooten

20. The trivia host who lost her marriage but stayed with her affair partner

lumpy2602

21. This person whose needs weren't being met in their relationship

BrownRecluse90

The Role of Forgiveness in Healing

Forgiveness is a complex yet crucial component of healing after infidelity. Research indicates that the ability to forgive can significantly influence relationship recovery and individual well-being. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that couples who actively work on forgiveness are more likely to restore trust and intimacy than those who struggle with resentment.

However, forgiveness does not imply condoning the behavior; rather, it involves understanding and letting go of the hurt. Couples can benefit from therapeutic guidance focused on developing forgiveness as a practice, facilitating a structured approach to healing and rebuilding their relationship.

Actively seeked out his female friends and coworkers

BrownRecluse90

22. This guy who cheated on his wife during a vulnerable time in his life

remonill

He explained the situation further and admits it was a mistake and hopes he can help others learn from his tragic mistake

remonill

Understanding the motivations behind infidelity can also guide personal growth and relationship improvement. Research shows that many individuals who cheat often do so in search of something they feel is lacking in their primary relationship, be it excitement, validation, or connection. A study by the University of Toronto highlights that infidelity often serves as a misguided attempt to fulfill unmet needs.

Reflecting on these motivations can lead to personal insights and foster deeper discussions between partners. Couples can engage in exercises that focus on identifying their needs and exploring healthy ways to meet them within the relationship, ultimately promoting growth and satisfaction.

23. The grass is indeed greener for these two

Brianshurst

24. That realization was too little, too late

JugV2

25. Short but honest

esquisofrenic

Rebuilding Trust After an Affair

Rebuilding trust after an affair is often a long and challenging process, but it's not insurmountable. Research indicates that trust can be restored through consistent, transparent behavior and open communication from the partner who cheated. According to a study published in the American Journal of Family Therapy, couples who engage in structured rebuilding processes, including trust-building activities and regular check-ins, see more positive outcomes than those who don't.

Both partners must be committed to this process, and setting clear expectations and boundaries can provide a roadmap for rebuilding trust. Involving a therapist can also facilitate this process, providing guidance and support that can help couples navigate the complexities of trust restoration.

26. There is rarely a neat resolution to these affairs as this person admits

[deleted]

27. You lose it how you found it, eh?

MDoc84

28. They like to keep the affair in the family

Roctuplets

Understanding the Emotional Aftermath

The emotional aftermath of infidelity can be quite profound, affecting both partners in unique ways. Research indicates that the betrayed partner often experiences a range of emotions, including anger, sadness, and confusion, which can lead to a cycle of distress. A clinical psychologist emphasizes that this emotional turmoil is a natural response to betrayal and should be acknowledged and processed.

Engaging in individual therapy can provide the betrayed partner with tools to navigate these emotions productively. This support can help them understand their feelings and develop a healthier perspective, which is crucial for moving forward, whether the couple chooses to stay together or part ways.

29. The erotic stories author who had too much fun with a married fan

imaybeacatIRl

30. Mental health issues and affair don't mix well together

sparklyunibrow

31. Is this a Grey's Anatomy episode?

PotentialBusiness825

32. Good for you for cutting it off but you can't wash your hands off of your part in the affair

PutItOn-MyTab

33. Should have waited for the divorce to finalize, buddy

daedalis2020

34. After putting a ton of dayglo stars, I'm sure you didn't intend for it to blow her mind. Sure.

fuzzyshorts

35. That is one hell of a daily routine you kept up for three months

chellichelli

We can sit here and judge all we want but we will never truly know about the complexities of other people's relationships. That is not to say we are excusing the affairs they had.

From what we've read, cheating affects a lot more than the couple and the affair partner. The consequences of the infidelity last for years and the scars last a long time.

Psychological Analysis

Infidelity often stems from unmet emotional needs or a desire for validation, with many individuals seeking external connections when they feel neglected in their primary relationships. Additionally, factors like attachment styles and social influences can significantly shape these behaviors, highlighting how complex and multifaceted the motivations for cheating truly are. Understanding these underlying psychological dynamics can be key to fostering healthier relationships and preventing infidelity in the future.

Analysis generated by AI

Infidelity is a multifaceted issue that intertwines emotional, psychological, and social elements. According to research published in the American Psychological Association, understanding the psychological factors contributing to infidelity can provide valuable insights into preventing it. By fostering open communication, exploring emotional needs, and addressing attachment styles, couples can create a more resilient and fulfilling relationship.

Moreover, therapeutic interventions can play a pivotal role in healing and rebuilding trust after an affair, offering structured approaches that facilitate understanding and forgiveness. Ultimately, both partners must be committed to the journey of recovery, as it can lead to deeper emotional connections and a more profound understanding of one another.