Someone Ranked The Disney Princes By Their Rebound Value And It's Surprisingly Accurate

Disney princes have been romantic icons for generations, but this ranking looks at them through a much messier lens: rebound value. Suddenly, the fairy tale question is not who is the most charming, but who could actually help someone get over a breakup without making things worse.

From Beast to John Smith, the lineup covers every kind of leading man Disney has offered, and the results are surprisingly specific. Some are too intense, some are too unavailable, and a few seem built for exactly the kind of post-breakup distraction nobody should probably trust.

Here is the full ranking, from least qualified to most rebound-worthy.

The Beast (Beauty and The Beast)

Definitively, the worst possible Disney dude you could rebound with is The Beast. Not only does he have absolutely terrible table manners, but he is also rude and possessive. He's practically a classic narcissist, and anyone who would want to turn this overgrown, hairy man-child into a respectable citizen would definitely need to be a live-in girlfriend who may or may not be susceptible to Stockholm Syndrome.

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Prince Charming (Cinderella)

Rebounds aren't even meant to last; you're supposed to utilize this time to get over your heartbreak. Prince Charming and his whole royal family are looking to settle down and start having royal heirs. Trust me, you're not ready for that if you're still sobbing or fuming over the last guy.

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Prince Florian (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs)

Prince Florian does not quite grasp what a woman is looking for. For example, Snow White was merely chilling by the well, crooning away her worries when he fell madly in love. Are you prepared for that right after a relationship? No way.

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Shang (Mulan)

Clearly, Shang is a workaholic with daddy issues. However, he is sassy, and some think he might be a little bi-curious. Weigh your pros and cons.

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Kind of like choosing your ex’s disowned pup over her new puppy, per OP’s AITA.

Kristoff (Frozen)

Kristoff seems so lovable, but he comes paired with a reindeer, and unless you want to compete for attention with a giant, smelly reindeer, don't even bother.

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Prince Eric (The Little Mermaid)

Prince Eric is definitely not a bad choice for a rebound fling. He's totally adorable, and he has some highly charming date ideas! However, we're not entirely sure he's very bright, as he's still hung up on a girl he saw for just two seconds and couldn't connect the dots when he saw her again.

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Prince Philip (Sleeping Beauty)

He's hunky, and he can definitely dance. Even better? He's pretty darn brave. He might be a little possessive, though. Weigh your pros and cons.

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Naveen (Princess and the Frog)

Whether he's in frog or human form, it shouldn't be too much trouble to snag some social media "d'awh" comments before sending him back to the swamp.

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Eugene/Flynn Ryder (Tangled)

On top of his smolder, you couldn't ask for many better rebound options than a guy who tends to worry about himself and hide his true identity to protect himself.

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Aladdin

Before he settled down with Jasmine, there is no denying the high probability that Aladdin was a total playboy. I mean, maybe you could deny it because he was living in poverty, but he was an expert con artist. You could easily rebound with him, and neither of you would bat an eye when the rebound ended.

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John Smith (Pocahontas)

What could be better than spending a few days enjoying the beauty of nature before checking his privilege and sending him packing back across the big blue ocean? John Smith is literally the perfect rebound.

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Not that we think you've ever wondered which Disney Prince is the perfect rebound guy, but now that you have no choice... let us know in the comments which Prince or Princess you'd consider for a rebound.

For more friendship fallout, read about whether OP should date their friend’s ex.