Devoted Daughter Asks If She's Wrong For Asking Her Stay-At-Home Boyfriend To Check On Her Bedridden Mother
If you think you don't have enough things to be angry about, then you should read this.
A Reddit user says her home life turned into a nightmare after a simple request to her boyfriend spiraled into a much bigger fight. She asked him to check on her bedridden mother while she was at work, and what happened next left her furious.
The 21-year-old OP lives with her stay-at-home boyfriend, their 8-month-old child, and her sick mother, and she says she is the only one bringing in money. When her mom needed help breathing and called out to him, he ignored her, and OP later found her crying on the floor.
Now the boyfriend is standing by his refusal to help, and Reddit has plenty to say about it. Read on.
Here's the question as posted by u/angry_whistler
angry_whistlerYou can read the rest of her post below:
angry_whistlerReddit users were up in arms about what happened, and soon enough, a debate ensued.
FoxUniCarKilo
The situation described highlights the complex dynamics often present in caregiving relationships.
In family systems theory, the dynamics between caregivers and their children can create patterns that influence adult relationships. When one family member takes on the caregiver role, it can lead to chronic stress and anxiety, particularly if that individual feels unsupported. This situation speaks to the caregiver's emotional burden, which often manifests in feelings of resentment or guilt when they perceive their partner as unhelpful during a family crisis.
Moreover, studies suggest that the adult child in this scenario is likely navigating a complex mix of loyalty, obligation, and frustration as they balance their romantic relationship with their responsibilities toward their ailing parent.
Another user replied that people were too quick to judge OP.
tmollytrace
This user thinks that what they did to OP's mom is inexcusable.
Jade_Echo
Reading further, a commenter acknowledged that OP accepted responsibility and that the boyfriend deserves the blame in this situation.
Lizardd06
The daughter asking her boyfriend to check on her mother can be viewed through the lens of attachment theory, which suggests that our early relationships with caregivers shape our expectations in adult relationships.
When these expectations are unmet, it can trigger feelings of abandonment or neglect, which are likely exacerbated in the context of her mother's illness. Understanding this can lead to more compassionate interactions.
Attachment theory posits that how we relate to our parents significantly impacts our adult relationships.
User Jade_Echo once again replied that she thinks OP is probably a good person, but she needs to see that she can only rely on herself.
Jade_Echo
The boyfriend reacted horribly, if you ask this Redditor.
Raven_Maleficent
A sobering outcome was brought up by another commenter.
JustMissKacey
In the realm of caregiving, where emotions often run high, the importance of effective communication cannot be overstated.
Open communication is vital in these scenarios. By using 'I' statements, like 'I feel overwhelmed when I have to manage things alone,' individuals can express their needs without blaming their partners. Couples who can navigate conflict effectively often have a shared understanding of each other's needs and limitations.
This person thinks OP is the a**hole for being with her boyfriend in the first place...
dogsaregreat6
... and this person agrees.
AleshiniaLivesStill
ESH stands for 'everyone sucks here' in Reddit-speak.
La-Belle-Gigi
Another important factor is the boyfriend's own emotional capacity and willingness to engage in caregiving activities.
Social support is crucial during stressful times. Engaging in therapy or support groups can provide a safe space to express feelings and receive validation.
Encouraging the boyfriend to participate in family discussions might also help him feel more involved and lessen the daughter's emotional burden, fostering a sense of teamwork rather than isolation.
If you saw someone needing help, wouldn't a decent person at least call 911?
spaceyjaycey
User La-Belle-Gigi replied with a quote by Maya Angelou that appropriately describes the boyfriend's inaction.
La-Belle-Gigi
If the boyfriend acts that way toward OP's mom, does he really care for his child when OP is not around?
FlynnLivesTron
This person agrees with the comment above that the mom is neglected.
TheAngerMonkey
Another commenter replied and asked about the options available for OP's mom.
AutumnBreeze23
User TheAngerMonkey replied that there are systems in place for this type of situation.
TheAngerMonkey
OP jumped in to say that it is not a current option for them.
angry_whistler
In another comment, people started to ask why OP is still with her boyfriend.
NaughtyNildo
The issue hit too close to home for some people, and they shared their own heartbreaking stories.
GrandTheftBae
This person thinks that while OP is not at fault for expecting her boyfriend to check on her mom when she asks for help, she's still at fault for not making sure that her mom has proper care.
HellaShelle
Another commenter was concerned about the mom's needs while OP is working.
Valuable_Ad_742
Someone replied to the comment above and said the mom needs round-the-clock care...
knittedjedi
... and OP replied she takes care of everything before she leaves for work.
angry_whistler
To which another person replied about the concerning environment the mom is in.
mcmurrml
And OP said she can't finance proper care for her mom...
angry_whistler
... people were understandably upset by that, and they think OP is not seeing the severity of the situation.
mcmurrml
A helpful Redditor told OP to look into financial aid, but given that her mom is not a citizen yet, that is not an option.
fallen_star_2319
A practical question was raised in another comment...
Valuable_Ad_742
... and this is what OP had to say.
angry_whistler
People wanted more information...
Arejhey311
... and OP replied with a simple but worrying answer...
angry_whistler
... and further clarified that her mom doesn't soil herself while wearing diapers, and if she did, OP will either call her aunt to help or leave work early.
angry_whistler
This person is correct to point out the unmet but very pressing needs of the mother.
MadameBurner
The situation is indeed messed up...
wrenskeet
... OP can only agree.
angry_whistler
Another person thinks that both the boyfriend and OP suck.
fieleamcknight
OP has another option according to this comment.
LoopyLouDoWho
While this person thinks that OP is irresponsible for staying with her boyfriend...
adelaines
... and join us in our collective exasperation.
angry_whistler
This person replied and suggests for OP to dump the guy.
YearOutrageous2333
A sympathetic Redditor properly put things in perspective. OP has a lot on her plate, and she's doing everything she can.
Meriadoxm
This Reddit user replied to the comment above and shared their own story, and they also think OP doesn't have a lot of options, if she has any at all.
Fancy_Day_5246
OP replied to a comment and had this heartbreaking sentiment:
angry_whistler
OP is stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place. It's an unenviable situation, and while she's doing her best, the sick mom deserves proper medical care and attention.
We are now waiting for any updates about the mom's situation, and of course, we are wondering if OP is still with the father of her child.
What do you think? Was OP wrong? Was the boyfriend justified in not helping OP's mom?
The emotional landscape of relationships can quickly become complicated, especially in moments of crisis.
The situation faced by the original poster highlights a crucial aspect of family dynamics and caregiving.
For more caregiver conflict, read why she wanted to move home to care for her ailing mother, despite newlywed partner objections.
