Couple Contemplates Throwing 20 Y.O. Son Out Of Their Apartment Because Of His Irresponsible Behavior

Relationships that involve children are quite complicated. They become even more complex when there’s a child from a previous relationship in the mix, as it’s very possible that they don’t get along with your new partner and vice versa.

Living in a shared space with anyone can be challenging. However, living with an adult child from your partner’s previous relationship may be even more difficult.

This is because it can be hard to navigate and sometimes even voice your opinions about some of their living habits so as not to upset them or make them feel uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, there’s only so much a person can take, and if things get out of hand, it may become reason enough to ask the person to move out. 

One Redditor found herself in this same predicament when she and her boyfriend considered asking his son to move out.

OP shared that her boyfriend’s adult son, Alex, had recently moved into the apartment with them and their two kids. 

Their only requirement for this arrangement was for Alex to clean up after himself and keep harmful items away from the kids’ reach. OP revealed that he never did this.

She further shared that she and her boyfriend hit a tight spot and had applied for emergency state relief. Alex was supposed to help with the process, and when he didn’t, they didn’t receive it. 

This was the last straw among several for OP, and she and her boyfriend began contemplating asking him to move out, leading her to ask if they would be AHs if they did so.

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Let's dig into the details

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Alex moved in with OP and her boyfriend, but under certain conditions

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Unfortunately, Alex has failed to keep his own end of the bargain

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Navigating Parental Expectations

When parents feel their adult children are not meeting expectations, it can lead to significant relational tension. Research from the Journal of Family Psychology indicates that parental expectations can greatly influence family dynamics, often leading to feelings of disappointment or resentment on both sides. In this case, the parents' feelings about their son's behavior may stem from their own beliefs about responsibility and success, which can create further friction.

According to OP, Alex's presence in the house causes more harm to their family than good

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Now, both OP and her boyfriend are seriously considering kicking him out

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Here's how the Reddit community reacted to the story:

"NTA - You set a very low bar and he failed, repeatedly."

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It's important to recognize the underlying motivations behind these parental concerns. Studies in developmental psychology suggest that parents often project their expectations based on their experiences and fears for their children’s future. This can create a pressure-cooker environment, where the adult child feels overwhelmed by expectations that may not align with their personal goals or values.

"You are barely older than your husband’s kid… of course he isn’t going to listen to you."

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"Stay in your lane and have your baby’s father handle his own GROWN ass child."

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"Alex is freeloading and needs to go."

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Effective Communication Strategies

To address these dynamics, open and honest communication is vital. Research indicates that families who engage in regular discussions about expectations and boundaries tend to foster healthier relationships. In this case, the son may benefit from articulating his perspective and discussing his goals with his parents, helping them understand his choices and the reasons behind them.

"Hubby needs to put his foot down and deal with this, though. Enough is enough."

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"YTA if you consider someone only 6 years younger than you 'our' child."

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"Time to send him packing, but dad needs to be the one to do it."

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Therapeutic approaches suggest that using family therapy can enhance understanding among family members facing these challenges. Family therapy has been shown to facilitate healthier communication patterns and encourage empathy. Engaging a neutral third party can help navigate tough discussions, allowing each family member to express their feelings and concerns in a safe environment.

"Your children deserve better, so kick him out and let his mother deal with him."

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"You are NTA if you ask him to move out and reapply for aid."

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"NTA for the situation. But YTA for that title and possibly for the dynamic in that household."

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Encouraging Independence

Encouraging independence in adult children is crucial for fostering healthy relationships. Studies show that when parents allow their children to make their own choices, it can lead to greater satisfaction and autonomy in adulthood. In this scenario, the parents could benefit from reflecting on their expectations and considering how allowing more independence might positively impact their relationship with their son.

OP and her boyfriend were declared NTA by the Reddit community. According to them, he wasn’t doing the bare minimum requirements set for him, and he should face the consequences of his actions.

Do you think OP and her boyfriend would be the AHs if they asked Alex to move out? Tell us in the comments below!

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the common struggle between parental expectations and adult children’s independence. It’s vital for families to engage in open discussions where each member can share their feelings and perspectives. Encouraging understanding and empathy can help bridge the gap created by differing expectations.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Navigating parental expectations and adult children's behaviors can be complex and emotionally charged. Research emphasizes the importance of open communication and understanding individual perspectives in fostering healthier family dynamics. By creating an environment that respects autonomy and encourages dialogue, families can strengthen their relationships.