Redditor Refuses To Hug Racist And Misogynistic Family Members During The Holidays, Asks If They Are The A-Hole For Deciding So

There is something about the holiday season that brings people together. Perhaps it is the cold weather that serves as reason enough for family and friends to gather, sometimes near the fireplace, reminiscing about the past while also looking forward to what the following year might bring.

However, it cannot be helped that some families do not have this typical holiday scenario. Some have family dramas and personal issues that are hard to resolve, but what’s harder is dodging the physical interactions that are to come, especially at this time of year—we can't just turn them down that easily.

OP has one of those families—an entitled grandma, a racist and sexist uncle, a body-shaming grandpa, and an overbearing cousin. What’s worse is that OP had to experience this long before the family gathering was even due, when these people decided to let themselves into OP’s house, overstaying their welcome and later leading OP’s family to move soon after.

Now that the holidays are approaching, unwanted interactions are looming, including the possibility of physical contact—i.e., hugs. OP wants to know if not hugging their misogynistic and racist family members is considered an asshole move—what the verdict is, Redditors are left to decide.

Here's the sitch:

Reddit

OP lives in an area near their family from their dad’s side. This means being on the receiving end of too many surprise and unwanted visits from their grandma, and eventually, an aunt and her whole family moving into their home.

Reddit

It was an awkward setup—having to live with another family whom they hadn’t seen for years. To add fuel to the fire, their reunited relatives were not the best housemates anyone could ask for.

Reddit

Navigating Family Dynamics

Dr. James Carter, a family therapist at the University of Virginia, explains that family dynamics often involve complex power structures and interpersonal relationships.

His research emphasizes that family members may exert pressure on each other based on shared values, leading to conflict when individual boundaries are crossed.

In this situation, the Redditor's decision to avoid hugging certain family members reflects her need to establish boundaries around her values and beliefs.

OP lists a “small” list of the things they did—by small, they meant 9 bullet points. Overall, the new family was a weird bunch.

Reddit

OP did their best to avoid any interaction with them. Every day was miserable.

Reddit

OP and their family eventually moved and visited the unpleasant relatives’ house for Christmas last year. The goal was to just get the presents and dash, but the unwanted physical interaction came unexpectedly.

Reddit

Studies in social psychology show that individuals often conform to group norms, even when those norms conflict with their personal beliefs.

When family members hold differing values, it can create significant emotional distress for individuals trying to navigate these tensions.

The Redditor's feelings of discomfort around hugging family members who hold racist and misogynistic views highlight the psychological toll of such familial pressure.

This time, as the holiday season approaches, there is a possibility that OP and their family will be visiting the same house, depending on the snow. OP plans to avoid physical contact by staying in the car.

Reddit

A small preface about their family’s race. OP thinks it matters, at some point.

Reddit

A summary—to make the long story short. No hugging “misogynist, racist family members.”

Reddit

The Importance of Boundaries

Establishing personal boundaries is crucial for maintaining psychological well-being, particularly in family settings.

According to research published in the Journal of Family Psychology, individuals who articulate their boundaries often report lower levels of stress and higher self-esteem.

The Redditor's refusal to engage physically with family members who espouse harmful views can be seen as a healthy boundary that protects her emotional health.

A short message to OP’s sister. If she reads this, she would know exactly who OP is talking about.

Reddit

Do you think OP is the asshole because of their decision? Here are some of the top responses from Redditors:

“Your body, your choice.” It doesn’t really matter what they think because it depends on you.

Reddit

NTA, but the thing about using dish soap for dogs’ bath time is actually safer according to this Redditor. It worked for them, so maybe OP shouldn’t have added that to their list.

Reddit

Open dialogue about values and beliefs within families can foster understanding and reduce conflict.

Facilitating family discussions that allow each member to express their views can help bridge gaps and promote empathy.

These conversations can also create an opportunity for growth and change within the family unit.

This family is pretty encouraging in asking for consent. This seems like an example of good parenting.

Reddit

OP’s reply! They don’t really know the other family that well, and their grandpa just straight-up hugs them—quite the opposite of that Redditor’s family.

Reddit

Short and concise—NTA. No one is entitled to hug you, OP.

Reddit

Coping with Family Judgment

Experts recommend adopting coping strategies to manage the emotional impact of family judgment and criticism.

Techniques such as mindfulness and cognitive reframing can help individuals reframe negative thoughts and reduce emotional distress.

For instance, focusing on one's values and the reasons for setting boundaries can strengthen resolve in the face of familial pressure.

It’s OP’s personal space, so they get to decide. They shouldn’t feel guilty about this.

Reddit

OP’s plan—in case someone tries to go in for a hug. They mostly have to avoid the uncle and the grandpa.

Reddit

NTA. That’s it.

Reddit

Family members can benefit from learning about the psychological impacts of their beliefs and behaviors on others.

Educational sessions or family therapy can provide insights into how harmful views can affect relationships and emotional well-being.

These initiatives can promote a culture of empathy and understanding within the family.

The physical contact with others is not only based on whether you like or hate someone—although it could be that, too.

Reddit

It’s generally just about you being comfortable with being touchy or not.

Reddit

It’s just kind of sad that there is pressure to (physically) interact with family members during this time of year. Plus, nobody has to explain themselves if they don’t want to hug someone.

Reddit

Seeking Support Outside the Family

If family dynamics become overwhelming, seeking support from friends or professionals can be a beneficial step.

Therapy can provide individuals with a safe space to process their feelings and develop strategies for dealing with family conflict.

Support groups can also offer validation and understanding from peers who may be experiencing similar challenges.

At the end of the day, it’s your body. Making racist people feel better was never, ever mandatory.

Reddit

Interacting with family members, in general, should not be enforced—the physical exchange between you and anyone is not mandatory, particularly when you are not comfortable with them. Even though conventional family interaction begs for it—especially during the holidays—the decision is ultimately yours.

What are your thoughts on this? Comment below and share this with your selected family and friends to see what they think about this topic, too!

Ultimately, fostering a culture of respect and understanding within the family is essential for healthier interactions.

Encouraging family members to engage in self-reflection about their beliefs can create a more inclusive environment.

By prioritizing empathy and understanding, families can strengthen their relationships and navigate differences more effectively.

Psychological Analysis

This situation reflects the complexities of navigating personal beliefs within family dynamics.

It's crucial for individuals to establish and maintain boundaries that align with their values, promoting healthier interactions and emotional well-being.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Research in family psychology highlights the importance of boundaries and open communication in maintaining healthy family dynamics.

Establishing personal limits can enhance emotional well-being and foster respect among family members.

Ultimately, creating a supportive environment where differing views are acknowledged can lead to healthier family relationships.