People Who Decided Against Having Kids In Their Youth Have Come Together Decades Later To Reflect On Their Decision

More and more people are consciously deciding not to have children nowadays. With the availability of reliable contraception and government support in old age, childlessness has become more comfortable to deal with, making it a viable option for some.

And tho a lot of people think it's something that the younger generation introduced, that isn't the case at all.

Gen Xers, individuals born between the mid-1960s and the early 1980s, are among those who have chosen to remain child-free. This generation, who fall between baby boomers and millennials, are recognized for their independence and work-life balance due to their little parental guidance.

Some of them are content being childless and have expressed no regrets about this decision. It's all about knowing what you want in life and having the courage to do it—it's about following your heart rather than conforming to society's standards.

Thus, when someone on Reddit asked, "People over 50 that chose to be childfree, do you regret your decision? Why or why not?" "the discussion quickly grew into something rather fascinating.

Comments came in from both sides of the fence, and you'll probably be surprised at some of them. We've rounded up some of the more insightful responses that explain the decision in a way you may not have previously considered.

A serious question that requires serious replies

u/ADreamyNightOwl

This 55-year-old woman is content being childless, and she cannot imagine her life any other way

I’m 55 (F) and never wanted children. I just don’t much like them, and 20+ years of motherhood sounded (and still sounds) like a prison sentence. Maternal af when it comes to cats and dogs, but small humans? No chance. And I’m very happy to be childless. Cannot imagine my life any other way.GrowlKitty, Ravi Patel

Lacking parental instincts

According to this user;

I explain it to people like this - you know that feeling you get where you just can't wait to teach your kid how to play baseball? or whatever it is you want to share with them? I don't have that. It's basically a lack of parental instinct. Having children was never something I aspired to. My SO is the same way. He says.Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against children. And I get really angry at people who harm them or mistreat them. I just never wanted my own.IBeTrippin, Tim Doerfler

The decision to remain childfree reflects a complex interplay of personal values, societal pressures, and psychological readiness. According to research published in the Journal of Family Psychology, individuals often weigh their desires against perceived obligations, leading to diverse outcomes in family planning. This is particularly evident in the Gen X demographic, where increased educational opportunities and career aspirations have influenced decisions about parenthood.

Furthermore, studies show that the motivations behind choosing to be childfree can range from personal choice to concerns about environmental sustainability and financial considerations. As societal norms evolve, individuals may find greater empowerment in making these decisions, contributing to a broader acceptance of diverse family structures.

He doesn't believe he would be a good parent, so it's better to remain childless

Not one bit. I have never believed that I would be a good parent. I have a short temper, and while I don't think I would have been physically abusive, my words and tone of voice would be harsh in a very similar way to my own father.I wasn't happy growing up with that kind of parent and I wouldn't want to subject any child to that kind of parenting.videoman7189, Redd

In an interview with Zoe Noble, the founder of the “We Are Childfree” community that celebrates childfree lives, she explained that

In our world, becoming a parent is the default. It's not a choice or a conscious decision, it's not even visible—'everyone' just has children, because that's just what 'everyone' does. Meanwhile, childfree people challenge that idea and hold it up for everyone to see, maybe for the first time. And that makes people uncomfortable, she said.If it's not a requirement, or even a good idea, for everyone to have children, then that raises questions about parenting, motherhood especially, and sex, sexuality, gender... so many of the assumptions that our patriarchal, capitalist, religious, heteronormative world is built on, she added.

Zoe continued:

If you're occupying a position that mainstream society still sees as radical, you're supposed to have a bunch of good reasons, to be able to justify and defend yourself in a way that those who follow the script never have to.

Absolutely no regrets for this elderly couple

My wife worked at a nursing home for years. Imagine seeing for years that over 95% of old people never have family visits. Till they die and people want a piece of the pie. This is when I learned that the whole "well who is gonna visit you or take care of you when you're older" line is complete bullsh*t. We decided to not have kids ever after that. Made great friends and saw the world. No regrets.

joevilla1369, eberhard

Another couple who are content being childfree

My wife and I chose long ago not to have children, but always left it open for renegotiation. We're 40 now and feel absolutely no regrets about not having children. Still feels like the right choice for us. Hopefully, we'll still feel that way long into the future.Lots of folks ask us questions like, "who will take care of you when you're old?" or "what if something happens to your spouse?" No judgment, but to us, those have always felt like pretty selfish reasons to have children.lyingliar, Esther Ann

Social Dynamics at Play

Research indicates that social support networks can significantly influence reproductive choices. A study conducted by Dr. Amy M. Blackstone, a sociologist at the University of Maine, highlights how social circles can perpetuate or challenge traditional norms surrounding parenthood. Those who are childfree often report experiencing pressure or judgment from family and peers, impacting their psychological well-being.

Understanding the role of social dynamics can be crucial for those reflecting on their childfree status. Engaging in supportive communities, whether online or offline, can help mitigate feelings of isolation and reinforce positive decision-making.

Her cats bring her all the joy she needs

F(56) No I don't regret it. I'm simply a loner by nature, and I'm happy hanging out with my cats.an_imperfect_lady, Brett Jordan

While most people want children, which is great, Zoe believes that;

Some people, a far smaller number, just don't want to—and that's great too. I'd love us to get to a place where something like We are Childfree doesn't even have to exist, because people have learned to respect each other's individual choices.

When asked how she came to the conclusion that she didn't want children, Zoe responded, “

I felt alone in my feelings and scared to live my truth. I'd heard women without kids described as cold, selfish and career-obsessed, and worried that people would think the same about me. Growing up, I didn't see anyone like me in my life or in the media, so I kept that part of me hidden, tucked away in the back of my mind.

No kids. and at 52, she's enjoying her childfree life

I'm 52 and I'm in bed watching the morning sky over the ocean with a mug of tea and a book. Quiet music and no one is demanding cereal or needs a diaper change or the car or to sleep in my bed.Later, I will walk around a museum without a stroller and a screaming, hungry, wet baby or a gloomy preteen. Yes, there would be times that the kids would behave, but what's the percentage? BI will cook for one, not one vegan, one who only eats chicken nuggets, and another who will burn water if I let them near a pot.I've never regretted my decision ever.Fredredphooey, Artem Beliaikin

This 57-year-old believes she would have been a piss poor mum

57 years old and childless. I don't regret it at all. I sincerely believe that I would have been a piss-poor mother. I'm an extreme introvert, and seeing my sister with her sprogs clinging to her all the time, wanting something or other -- food, attention, a toy, whatever -- and calling to her, mommy mommy mommy, convinced me of the wisdom of my decision. If I had had children, I would have been driven to suicide or homicide in short order. My sister's kids are grown into wonderful young adults, and I love them to death, but I need lots of alone time to remain sane, and you don't get that with kids. If I'd had them, I might have become one of those horrid humans who feed their kids Benadryl to make them sleep, just for some peace and quiet. Childless is better for me.booboocita, Aris Sfakianakis

From a psychological perspective, the decision to remain childfree can be linked to personality traits such as openness and conscientiousness. Dr. Carol Dweck, a renowned motivation researcher, states, "Understanding our motivations and values is crucial for making life choices that lead to fulfillment." Her insights can be found on her professional website, Mindset Works. Studies show that individuals high in these traits often prioritize personal development and life experiences over traditional milestones like parenting. Moreover, individuals who embrace a childfree lifestyle frequently report a sense of autonomy and freedom, which can enhance their overall happiness and life satisfaction. As Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, an emotion researcher, notes, "The ability to choose one's path is a significant contributor to overall life satisfaction," which empowers individuals to make choices that resonate with their true selves. More about her work can be found at Lisa Feldman Barrett.

No one likes to change diapers or lose sleep

Nope. I never had the urge to change diapers or lose sleep, free time, and most of my earnings. Other peoples' kids are great. Mostly because they are other peoples'. When people ask "Who will take care of you when you're old," I tell them that when I'm 75 I will adopt a 40-year-old.fwubglubbel, Anita Jankovic

At 30, Zoe decided to relocate from London to Berlin, and that's when things began to change for her.

I gained the confidence to embrace who I really am. A weight was lifted from my shoulders as soon as I started to say out loud that I didn't want kids. That's why, with We are Childfree, I want to empower people to embrace who they are, stand in their truth and live authentically—to know they're not alone, and there's nothing wrong with them.

Zoe noted that being childless has given her the freedom to pursue a life path that is meaningful to her, as well as the ability to change course when the time is right.

It's given me the freedom to move to another country, to change careers, to travel as much as I could. It's absolutely still possible for parents to do those things, but it is harder. I love the fact that I don't know what my life will look like, and not having children has allowed me to follow that feeling of adventure.

This woman enjoys all the fun of having kids without the work of raising

No. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to marry my husband. He had two sons from his first marriage and a vasectomy. He was worried because I was so young (comparatively, he's10 years older). I did think it over seriously and concluded that a life with him compared to a life without him but (perhaps!) with a baby I didn't even have yet was what I wanted. It worked out for us, we've been together for 26 years. As a bonus I have 9 grandchildren. All the fun without the work of the raising!ZubLor, Matthew Bennett

Meet the man with a 100 reasons why he doesn't want kids

Yeah same, it took me years to really come to terms with this whole "I completely lack a desire to have kids" thing. First i thought I would magically develop the desire when I got older, and then I thought I was broken in the head, and then I thought I needed to just "talk myself into it", or have a kid and hope the feeling came. But I'm in my mid-thirties now and still don't have ANY desire to have a child. People always ask "why" I don't want kids. Like, I have 100 reasons why. But the most important reason is literally "because I don't want them". As in: "I don't WANT them". As in: it is simply not something I actively want. Why would I force myself to do something that I have no natural desire to do. Seems like a good way to mess up my life and some poor kids.PaganDreams, Johnny Cohen

Coping with Societal Expectations

As societal expectations around parenthood continue to evolve, many individuals face internal conflicts related to their decisions. Research suggests that cognitive dissonance, the psychological discomfort arising from holding conflicting beliefs, can be a significant factor for those who choose not to have children. When societal norms emphasize motherhood or fatherhood as essential life goals, those opting out may experience guilt or shame.

To cope with these feelings, mental health professionals recommend cognitive restructuring techniques, which involve reframing one's thoughts to align better with personal values. This approach can help individuals validate their choices and foster a sense of empowerment in their childfree journey.

The flexibility to make choices is so much better for this childless couple

I'm 57 and do not regret it. My husband thought he wanted kids when we were in our early years together, but now he is very happy as well that we never had any. It's allowed us a more free, peaceful, and debt-free life. The flexibility to make life choices we couldn't otherwise make is so much better.I also don't think that people should have kids just so they have some sort of insurance policy in old age. It's wrong to bring other people into the world with the expectation that they'll serve you when you need them and, right now, I can't imagine any child is grateful to be brought into this world with what is surely coming due to climate change.DerHoggenCatten, Cassia Tofano

Having kids was not an option for this woman due to the abusive relationship she found herself in

I don't necessarily regret not having them, but I regret the fact that I wasn't in a healthy enough relationship where I felt I COULD have children. I regret not being stronger to leave the abuse earlier, if I had been stronger, I think maybe I could have had the choice at least. So yeah... I have regrets.MerakiStudioMe, Anthony Metcalfe

The cool aunt and uncle

No, and I found a partner who feels the same. We are the cool aunt and uncle.laudinum, WJ

Exploring the psychological impacts of being childfree reveals interesting insights into identity and fulfillment. According to a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, individuals without children often cultivate alternative identities that provide meaning and purpose in their lives. Whether through career advancement, travel, or creative pursuits, childfree individuals often engage in activities that fulfill their personal aspirations.

This active engagement in meaningful pursuits can enhance psychological well-being, demonstrating that fulfillment can come from many forms beyond traditional parenting roles. Therefore, it's essential for individuals to explore and embrace their unique paths to satisfaction.

Enjoying the solo selfish life

Best decision I ever made. However, it wasn't so much a decision as knowledge. I knew from a very early age I would not have kids, I just didn't see them in my future and never wanted them. I love my solo, selfish life!!! Do what I want, when I wantStaywithme1968, Nick Karvounis

One Redditor, IBeTrippin, spoke at length about the topic in an interview

I can understand that there might be in some families, but there wasn't in mine.” When it comes to the decision not to have kids, the Redditor said that “neither of us were particularly interested in having children. It was not something we discussed and made a decision over. It was just the way it was.

In response to a question about how having children might have changed their life, the Redditor stated that;

Certainly, there would have been some career choice differences for stability. We weren't choosing not to have children so that we could live out some fantastic carefree life of travel and adventure. It was simply because neither one of us were interested in being parents. It didn't appeal to us.

She wanted kids, but she wasn't lucky enough.

I wanted children but it didn’t happen for me. I had regret for years but now am at peace. I am 64aprilmarina, Daniil Kuželev

By her 20s, she knew she didn't want to be a mother

Absolutely not. Knew by my twenties I didn’t want to be a mother. Never had a biological clock go off (it’s a myth). Glad to have had a life free of reliving school bullies, math homework, and most of all, of having to be responsible.ALoudMeow, Sven Brandsma

Practical Recommendations

For those reflecting on their decision to remain childfree, it can be beneficial to engage in self-reflection and mindfulness practices. Research shows that mindfulness can help individuals clarify their values and enhance emotional regulation, providing a clearer perspective on their life choices. Techniques such as journaling or meditation can assist in processing feelings about societal pressures and personal values.

Additionally, connecting with like-minded individuals through support groups or online forums can reinforce the validity of their choices and foster a sense of community. This social support is critical in combating feelings of isolation and affirming their unique lifestyle.

Medical and other problems were factors in this woman's decision to be childless

Not one bit, and with my medical and other problems, I know I made the right choice.Endless__Soul, Alex Blăjan

She helped raise her niece and nephew, and that's enough parenting for her

I'm almost 50 so I'll chime in. I never wanted kids, just never had the urge. But I wound up helping raise my niece and nephew after their mom, my sister, died in a car accident when they were 7 and 5 respectively. I didn't have the full time, but split housing them on weekends while their father worked and his b*tchass wife didn't want them around. I had them every other weekend and about half of each summer for years. They're now 21 and 19, so I wound up as more parent-ish than aunt. They were a handful so I'm glad I didn't have any of my own, it was exhausting enough being a part-time parent substitute and, of course, I wish their mom hadn't passed away. Full time parents, you're awesome, I couldn't do it. At least their dad gave me money for all the time I took care of them, sharing my sister's social security benefits so I could feed and clothe the kids and give them some fun activities and camps.I love the hell out of them, but still glad I didn't have babies of my own. They're good kids, I love them to death, but they've also broken my heart a fair few times acting up, making dumb decisions, but all kids do that. I'd beat the a** of anyone who messed with my niece and nephew.gambitgrl, Mariia Chalaya

"Most of the time, I'm happy about our decision. Sometimes, my husband and I both wish that circumstances had been different"

I'm in my 60s, happily married for 30+ years, and without children. Most of the time, I'm happy about our decision. Sometimes, my husband and I both wish that circumstances had been different and that we had someone that we could count on to be there when we get old. However, our reasons for not having children still stand. We both felt the world was moving in a direction that can't be sustained. Research on global climate change wasn't part of the picture, but ecologically unsound practices were.We're both from families where there are plenty of children and grand-children. So, our genes will be represented, without more taken from the available resources. We both endured teasing about our physical appearances and didn't want our children to suffer the same. We'd both been exposed to more than average levels of radiation and didn't want to risk it. Personally, I was concerned about being a good parent. (My husband, on the other hand, would have been amazing). By the time we were in a position to support having children, I felt I was too old.I'm the child of a 40-year-old mother who had 5 children before me and 1 after -- and although I would never have told her this, I really felt that some of us didn't get the time and energy that her eldest got. I didn't want to do that to another being. So, instead of having kids, we participated in helping those already here, in a number of ways. In the end, we wish circumstance had been different, but in the main, do not regret our decision.SheSellsSeashellsBts, Gus Moretta

The psychological landscape surrounding childfree decisions is often enriched by considerations of regret and fulfillment. A longitudinal study by Dr. Susan M. Newman highlights that individuals who actively choose not to have children tend to experience lower levels of regret compared to those who feel pressured into parenthood. Furthermore, this reflects a broader trend where autonomy in decision-making contributes significantly to long-term happiness.

This underscores the importance of informed choice; individuals who take the time to reflect on their desires and motivations are more likely to feel satisfied with their decisions, regardless of societal expectations. Fostering a mindset of self-acceptance and personal agency can play a pivotal role in this process.

No kids, no stress

I work in education so I feel similar. I raise/ have raised enough people's kids at work. I don't think I have any energy to even think about adding my own in there. How coworkers can go home and parent after a long day of teaching, I'll never understand. At the end of the day, I am peopled out and just want to sleep.MidnightAshley, Nikoline Arns

"Child-free, retired and happy"

Adddicus

"Never really thought I would make a good parent"

Korbindallas912

Childfree Lifestyle and Mental Health

Studies indicate that the mental health outcomes for childfree individuals can often be positive, particularly in terms of reduced stress and anxiety levels. According to Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a relationship therapist, "Choosing not to have children can lead to a life that is more aligned with personal values, resulting in greater life satisfaction." Research supports that those who choose to remain childfree report lower rates of depression compared to parents, especially in high-stress environments. This suggests that the childfree lifestyle can be a viable option for those seeking to prioritize mental health and well-being. Understanding these potential benefits can empower individuals to embrace their choices and enhance their overall quality of life.

"Wasn't by choice..."

Wasn't by choice, but yes. I'm happily married and I worry about what will happen to my wife when I die. She'll be alone. Otherwise, it's fantastic.goaway432, Joe Hepburn

No regrets, even at 65

wtfwfm

Who needs kids when you have each other?

My wife and I married when we were in college. After graduating, we started our careers, and sometime later, we wondered if we weren't missing out on something, like children, and decided No, this is great, let's keep going like this. That was 30 years ago, and it's still great, and we still keep it going.WhoThenDevised, Claudio Schwarz

Reflecting on the complexity of family dynamics, childfree individuals often navigate relationships with family and friends who may hold traditional views on parenthood. According to Dr. Jennifer A. Miller, a clinical psychologist, these interactions can sometimes lead to tension or misunderstandings. Research shows that open communication about one's choices can pave the way for more supportive relationships, reducing the likelihood of conflict.

Encouraging self-advocacy and assertive communication can help childfree individuals articulate their values and choices, fostering greater understanding within their social circles. This approach not only benefits the individual but can also create a more accepting environment for diverse family structures.

"I'm 40, I regret it"

I'm 40, I regret it. I can't imagine how horrible I'll feel at 50.

agreeingstorm9, Artem Beliaikin

"My only regret is that my wife would have been a great mother"

Over 50 and childfree. My only regret is that my wife would have been a great mother, and sometimes I feel like I deprived her of that, even though we both agreed we didn’t want kids. Sometimes I wonder if I pushed her into that decision. She works with the elderly every day and sees a lot of lonely folks so it gets to her sometimes. I was always afraid I’d screw up the parenting thing, so I was never really interested in the idea. I’m a loner by nature though.Johnny-Virgil, George Kourounis

"I think I would have been a great dad, still I have absolutely no regret!"

_PukyLover_Report

The decision to remain childfree can be influenced significantly by cultural attitudes and societal norms surrounding parenthood. Research published in the International Journal of Sociology indicates that cultural perspectives on family roles can shape individual choices, often resulting in varying degrees of acceptance for childfree lifestyles across different societies.

Understanding these cultural narratives can empower individuals to navigate societal pressures more effectively. Engaging in discussions about cultural expectations and their implications for personal choices can foster greater awareness and acceptance, allowing individuals to make choices that align with their authentic selves.

"I have relationships with my nieces and nephews—this is absolutely fine for me"

Redflag12

Some people regret not having children, while others are perfectly content. The decision to have kids or not is an individual choice that should be made carefully.

It's important to know what you want in life and then go for it! The goal is to look back at your life and be happy with your decisions, whether that includes kids or not.

What's your opinion about having kids? Let us know in the comments below!

Psychological Analysis

The article highlights a fascinating trend among individuals who choose to remain childfree, particularly within the Gen X demographic. This decision often stems from a complex mix of personal values, societal expectations, and psychological readiness, reflecting a growing acceptance of diverse life paths. By prioritizing autonomy and self-awareness, many find fulfillment in careers, hobbies, and relationships that resonate more closely with their true selves, ultimately leading to greater life satisfaction.

Analysis generated by AI

As the landscape of family planning continues to shift, understanding the psychological implications of choosing a childfree lifestyle becomes crucial. Mental health professionals emphasize the importance of self-reflection and community support to navigate societal expectations effectively. Engaging in open dialogues about personal values and desires can help individuals affirm their choices, leading to greater life satisfaction and reduced feelings of isolation.

Ultimately, the journey of remaining childfree is deeply personal and can be empowering when approached with mindfulness and self-acceptance. By embracing diverse family structures and recognizing the validity of various life choices, society can create a more inclusive environment where all individuals feel valued and understood.