Refusing Homeless Alcoholic Mother - AITA For Not Letting Her Move In

In a world where family dynamics can be complex and challenging, one Reddit user finds herself at a crossroads, grappling with the weight of past trauma and present responsibility. The original poster, a 29-year-old woman, shares her poignant story of resilience and self-preservation.

Having endured a tumultuous upbringing marred by her mother's alcoholism, she now faces a difficult decision as her homeless mother reaches out for help. The heartbreaking narrative unveils a history of emotional turmoil and neglect, with the poster recounting vivid moments of pain and distress from her childhood.

Despite years of therapy and intentional efforts to carve out a peaceful existence, the sudden plea from her mother elicits conflicting emotions of guilt and self-preservation. The raw honesty in her narrative resonates with readers, sparking a heated debate on the platform.

As comments flood in, a mix of support and criticism emerges, reflecting the diverse perspectives on familial obligations and personal boundaries. Some applaud the poster's courage in setting boundaries and prioritizing her well-being, while others question her decision, citing familial duty and compassion.

The thread becomes a battleground of opinions, shedding light on the complexities of relationships scarred by addiction and trauma.

Original Post

I (29F) bought a small house last year—nothing fancy, but it's quiet, safe, and mine. For the first time in my life, I feel like I can actually breathe.

Now for context: my mom (52F) is an alcoholic and has been for as long as I can remember. My childhood was not a childhood.

I was more like her emotional punching bag, personal therapist, maid, and sometimes target when she got too drunk and angry. She used to scream at me for "wasting space" or "ruining her life." I remember being maybe 9 or 10, dragging her off the kitchen floor after she'd passed out from drinking again, terrified she was dead.

She never remembered the things she'd say or do. Or maybe she did and just didn't care.

CPS was called once—by my 5th-grade teacher—but my mom cleaned herself up just long enough to fool them. Then the punishments got worse when they left.

I left home the minute I turned 18. No contact for years.

She only reached out again recently, and I kept things surface-level because I’m still working through the trauma. Therapy has helped a lot, and I’ve spent years trying to build a life that’s calm and not ruled by chaos.

Last week, she called sobbing, saying she got evicted and has nowhere to go. She begged me to let her stay “just for a little while.” I asked her what happened.

She wouldn’t give me a straight answer, but I could already hear the slurring in her voice. I told her I was sorry, but I couldn’t help her.

She snapped. She said I’m a cold-hearted b***h, that “after everything I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?” That I’m heartless for letting my own mother sleep in her car.

Now a few relatives are blowing up my phone, calling me cruel and selfish, saying she’s my mother and she has nowhere to go. But none of them are offering to take her in.

Just me. I feel guilty.

I don’t want her to suffer. But I also know what it’s like to live with her, and I’m scared that if I let her in, I’ll never get my peace back.

AITA?

Navigating Family Obligations

The decision to refuse living arrangements with a family member, especially one with a history of addiction, is fraught with emotional and psychological implications.

Research from the American Psychological Association highlights that individuals often experience a strong sense of obligation towards family, which can create internal conflict when boundaries are set.

Understanding the balance between familial loyalty and personal well-being is crucial in these situations.

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Additionally, the psychological concept of enmeshment explains how families can become overly involved in one another's lives, leading to unhealthy dynamics.

By maintaining boundaries, individuals can protect their mental health while still offering support in healthier ways, such as facilitating access to resources for their mother.

Establishing clear limits can help prevent feelings of resentment and burnout.

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Supportive Strategies for Setting Boundaries

A practical approach involves creating a structured support plan that outlines what kind of assistance can be offered without compromising personal peace.

This can include helping the mother find rehabilitation resources or temporary housing options while maintaining the current living situation.

Research indicates that providing support without direct cohabitation can be beneficial for both parties, preserving relationships while prioritizing individual well-being.

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We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.

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Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the essential tension between familial responsibility and personal well-being.

Recognizing the need for boundaries is a critical step in ensuring that one’s mental health is not compromised while still offering support to loved ones.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, setting boundaries with family members, especially those struggling with addiction, is vital for maintaining mental health.

By balancing compassion with self-care, individuals can navigate these complex situations more effectively.

Ultimately, healthy boundaries can lead to better family dynamics and personal fulfillment.