Refusing Bio Dad's Adoption: A Teen's Struggle with Family Therapy

Family therapy was supposed to “fix things,” but for this 17-year-old, it only opened fresh wounds. Her bio dad walked out when she was a baby, then the court later handed her over to him anyway, ripping her out of the relatives who actually raised her.

Her mom died when she was 3, and before that, her grandparents got her adopted with her bio dad’s signature. Years later, after her grandpa and grandma died, her bio dad fought for custody and won, even though she barely knew him. Now he’s married with five kids under 10, and everyone keeps pushing her to give consent to be adopted, while she sits in weekly sessions saying nothing.

Seven different therapists later, her anger is still the loudest thing in the room.

Original Post

There's a lot of background, but I'll condense it down for everyone and make it easy to follow. My bio dad walked out when I was a few months old.

He and my mom weren't married, and the three of us lived with my bio dad's parents. After he walked out, my mom and I continued living with them.

My mom died when I was 3. Before she died, she had my grandparents adopt me.

She got my bio dad to sign off on it, which he did, and my aunts and uncles said he was happy to do it. My grandpa died when I was 9, and my grandma when I was 13.

My grandma tried to get him to take some interest in me after my grandpa died, but he didn't. I lived with my uncle for a few months until my bio dad fought for custody and won.

I didn't know my bio dad at that point. The only time I saw him was at my grandpa's and then my grandma's funerals.

I was almost 14 when I was sent to live with my bio dad and his family. I'm 17 now.

I didn't want to live with my bio dad. I wanted to live with my uncle or any of my aunts and uncles.

I know them, grew up with them; they were in my life this whole time. But bio dad being bio dad won out with a judge who dismissed everything my therapist said.

Now that I'm here, I'm pretty angry at him for pulling me away from everyone I know and love. Even three years later, I'm still angry at him.

He's married and has five kids under 10. All of them have tried to get me to give in and become a part of their family, but I'm not willing to do that.

So my bio dad and his wife decided that the three of us need family therapy. They also want me to give my consent for them to adopt me.

My bio dad tried to adopt me when he got custody, but the judge did listen to me on that. And I refuse to give my consent.

I sit in therapy every week, and I don't engage. We've cycled through about seven therapists in two years, and they're trying to find someone who can make me engage.

They're also giving me more grief for refusing the adoption. Some of my bio dad's kids asked me to please be their brother, be adopted, and be family.

I always tell them their parents are not mine and that I don't belong in this family. I belong with my family.

It upsets them, which angers my bio dad and his wife.

But I won't give in just for random kids. My uncle tried to fight for custody again a few months ago, but again my wishes were dismissed.

I told my bio dad that if he let me go, I might not hate him and his whole family. He told me he wants me to embrace the family, not move away and never see them again.

My dad's wife's parents are at their house all the time. They started to scold me for rejecting the adoption and not participating in therapy.

I told them to mind their own business a few times. My bio dad told me it was unacceptable and that I needed to stop being this way.

He told me he's my real dad and that him adopting me corrects a mistake that was made. I told him I'll never let it happen.

The therapist we're currently seeing is also pushing me to accept the adoption, even though I don't engage. I'm so sick of this, and I've got a countdown going for my 18th birthday when my uncle comes to get me.

But AITA for being so stubborn in my positions?

The emotional turmoil experienced by the 17-year-old at the center of this story highlights the profound impact of rejection on personal development. The refusal to accept his bio dad's attempts to adopt him is not merely a teenage rebellion; it reveals underlying issues of trust and emotional safety that have been shaped by his upbringing. Raised by his grandparents, the teen is navigating feelings of abandonment that are common among those who have experienced significant family upheaval. This struggle underscores how past experiences can cast long shadows on present relationships, making the prospect of family therapy a daunting challenge rather than a solution.

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When her bio dad won custody and she realized she was being sent to a house full of people she did not grow up with, her silence started making sense.

In this situation, addressing the emotional ramifications of the adoption proposal may help bridge gaps between family members.

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The Psychological Impact of Adoption Proposals

Adoption proposals can evoke complex emotions and reactions that often reflect past relational traumas.

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The judge dismissed what she said before, and that’s when her refusal stopped being just stubborn and turned into a full-blown fight for control.

Creating supportive environments for discussing adoption can promote healing and understanding.

This approach can foster understanding and reduce feelings of resentment.

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Empathy and Understanding in Family Dynamics

Encouraging empathy within the family can lead to more meaningful interactions during emotionally charged discussions.

Speaking of strained siblings and rent, this is similar to the Reddit case where someone asked their unemployed brother to repay covered rent.

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Now her bio dad, his wife, and their five kids under 10 want “family therapy” to go somewhere, but she keeps refusing to engage and won’t sign off on adoption.

Developing collaborative solutions for adoption-related conflicts can help alleviate tensions.

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We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.

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Every time the kids ask her to “please be” part of their family, her weekly routine turns into another reminder that she got pulled away for good reasons she never agreed with.

In the midst of the turmoil surrounding a teenager's refusal to accept his biological father's adoption proposal, the importance of sensitivity and open communication becomes evident. This 17-year-old, raised by his grandparents, grapples with deep-seated feelings of anger and betrayal, making the prospect of family therapy challenging. The family's complex history complicates matters further, illustrating how unresolved issues can hinder attempts at reconciliation. The journey toward understanding and healing in such a fraught environment is paramount, as it can pave the way for healthier relationships and, potentially, a more harmonious family dynamic.

The family dinner is not the problem here, it’s the adoption paperwork she refuses to hand over.

For another messy family money fight, see whether asking a struggling sister to repay rent makes you the jerk, after her failing business.