Refusing Bio Dad's Adoption: A Teen's Struggle with Family Therapy

Are you the a**hole for standing your ground against your bio dad and his wife, who are trying to adopt you and insisting on family therapy? The story unfolds with a complex family history that has led to a 17-year-old feeling uprooted and angry.

Raised by his grandparents after his bio dad's abandonment, the teen was thrust into his bio dad's home against his wishes at 14. The resentment is palpable, as the teen refuses to integrate into the new family setup, causing tensions to rise.

The teen's defiance against adoption and therapy prompts a battle of wills with his bio dad and his wife, who are relentless in their pursuit. The situation escalates with pressure from siblings and even the therapist to comply.

Meanwhile, the countdown to the teen's 18th birthday, when he plans to move in with a supportive uncle, adds to the tension. Reddit users rally behind the teen, labeling the bio dad as selfish and the therapist's actions as highly questionable.

Suggestions pour in, advising the teen to hold firm, save money, secure important documents, and prepare for a smooth exit once he is legally an adult. The thread is filled with empathy and encouragement for the teen's challenging predicament.

Original Post

There's a lot of background, but I'll condense it down for everyone and make it easy to follow. My bio dad walked out when I was a few months old.

He and my mom weren't married, and the three of us lived with my bio dad's parents. After he walked out, my mom and I continued living with them.

My mom died when I was 3. Before she died, she had my grandparents adopt me.

She got my bio dad to sign off on it, which he did, and my aunts and uncles said he was happy to do it. My grandpa died when I was 9, and my grandma when I was 13.

My grandma tried to get him to take some interest in me after my grandpa died, but he didn't. I lived with my uncle for a few months until my bio dad fought for custody and won.

I didn't know my bio dad at that point. The only time I saw him was at my grandpa's and then my grandma's funerals.

I was almost 14 when I was sent to live with my bio dad and his family. I'm 17 now.

I didn't want to live with my bio dad. I wanted to live with my uncle or any of my aunts and uncles.

I know them, grew up with them; they were in my life this whole time. But bio dad being bio dad won out with a judge who dismissed everything my therapist said.

Now that I'm here, I'm pretty angry at him for pulling me away from everyone I know and love. Even three years later, I'm still angry at him.

He's married and has five kids under 10. All of them have tried to get me to give in and become a part of their family, but I'm not willing to do that.

So my bio dad and his wife decided that the three of us need family therapy. They also want me to give my consent for them to adopt me.

My bio dad tried to adopt me when he got custody, but the judge did listen to me on that. And I refuse to give my consent.

I sit in therapy every week, and I don't engage. We've cycled through about seven therapists in two years, and they're trying to find someone who can make me engage.

They're also giving me more grief for refusing the adoption. Some of my bio dad's kids asked me to please be their brother, be adopted, and be family.

I always tell them their parents are not mine and that I don't belong in this family. I belong with my family.

It upsets them, which angers my bio dad and his wife.

But I won't give in just for random kids. My uncle tried to fight for custody again a few months ago, but again my wishes were dismissed.

I told my bio dad that if he let me go, I might not hate him and his whole family. He told me he wants me to embrace the family, not move away and never see them again.

My dad's wife's parents are at their house all the time. They started to scold me for rejecting the adoption and not participating in therapy.

I told them to mind their own business a few times. My bio dad told me it was unacceptable and that I needed to stop being this way.

He told me he's my real dad and that him adopting me corrects a mistake that was made. I told him I'll never let it happen.

The therapist we're currently seeing is also pushing me to accept the adoption, even though I don't engage. I'm so sick of this, and I've got a countdown going for my 18th birthday when my uncle comes to get me.

But AITA for being so stubborn in my positions?

Understanding Rejection and Emotional Responses

Dr. Rachel Greene, a clinical psychologist at Yale University, emphasizes that rejection can significantly impact an individual’s emotional state.

Research shows that feelings of abandonment can trigger intense emotional responses, particularly in children.

In this case, the refusal to adopt may reflect deeper issues of trust and emotional safety stemming from past experiences.

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Experts in family therapy note that navigating feelings of abandonment requires sensitivity and understanding.

According to studies published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, open discussions about feelings of rejection can foster healing and understanding.

In this situation, addressing the emotional ramifications of the adoption proposal may help bridge gaps between family members.

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The Psychological Impact of Adoption Proposals

Adoption proposals can evoke complex emotions and reactions that often reflect past relational traumas.

Research suggests that individuals may oscillate between a desire for connection and a fear of vulnerability.

In this case, the refusal to adopt may signal a struggle with trust and the fear of repeating past hurt.

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Creating supportive environments for discussing adoption can promote healing and understanding.

Family therapists recommend facilitating open dialogues where all members can express their feelings and concerns regarding adoption.

This approach can foster understanding and reduce feelings of resentment.

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Empathy and Understanding in Family Dynamics

Encouraging empathy within the family can lead to more meaningful interactions during emotionally charged discussions.

Research indicates that fostering an understanding of each other’s emotional states can help reduce hostility and promote cooperation.

In this case, acknowledging each person’s feelings about the adoption can create a more inclusive environment for resolution.

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Developing collaborative solutions for adoption-related conflicts can help alleviate tensions.

Research shows that involving a neutral third party can be effective in facilitating discussions around sensitive family matters.

In this scenario, engaging a family therapist may provide a safe space for open communication and understanding.

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We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.

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Psychological Analysis

This situation reflects the complexities of trust and emotional safety in family dynamics, particularly regarding adoption.

Recognizing and addressing these feelings can pave the way for healthier interactions and greater family unity moving forward.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Ultimately, navigating adoption proposals and family dynamics requires sensitivity and open communication.

As the American Psychological Association highlights, facilitating understanding within families can lead to healthier relationships.

By addressing these conflicts thoughtfully, families can work toward resolution and healing.