Cultural Duty Vs Financial Survival - Is It Wrong To Say “No More” To Money-Sucking Inlaws

For many families, financial support flows quietly across generations, guided by culture, gratitude, and unspoken expectations. But when those expectations harden into demands, love can start to feel transactional.

Twenty years ago, OP's fiancé needed help to attend school. His parents stepped in by selling stock and giving up the equity in their home—an enormous sacrifice, one he never denied or took lightly.

In return, he assumed responsibility for the mortgage on their new house, a commitment OP's fiancée honored faithfully for two decades. Over those years, they didn’t just pay the mortgage in full; they gave additional financial support totaling tens of thousands of dollars.

Now, the house is completely paid off. By any reasonable measure, the debt—financial and moral—has been repaid several times over, but the requests have not stopped.

What began as help has become expectation, and what was once gratitude has been replaced by guilt. Now, as the OP and her partner struggle to meet their own obligations—their mortgage, their children’s future education, and the looming reality of retirement—they are told it’s not enough.

They are being asked for more money, more sacrifice, and ultimately, for OP's fiancé to relinquish any claim to the very house he paid for, because someone else “needs it more.” The implication is clear: a good son gives endlessly, regardless of cost to his own family.

This is a story about where obligation ends and self-preservation begins—and whether setting boundaries makes someone selfish, or simply responsible

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They have now demanded that OP's partner sign over any rights to the house

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They have paid them back several times over and have given them enough to live on

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:

The action to be judged is if it was an a H move to refuse to give additional money. I might be the a H because it is common for children to support their parents in his culture, and they have significantly less resources than we do and by not getting the additional money I am all but ensuring that they will live a very sparse lifestyle as they have very little other resources.

We've gathered some of the most upvoted comments from other Redditors for you to read through below

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They do not want to reward his success

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They need to figure themselves out

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You can't give in to their demands

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They have their own bills to pay

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They are preventing them from having financial security

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As simple as it can get

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This Redditor feels sorry for the OP

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The OP putting her foot down wasn’t about control or disrespect—it was about survival and fairness. They have honored the past, repaid generosity many times over, and continued to give well beyond obligation.

But a marriage, like a family, needs protection to endure. Cultural expectations matter, but they cannot justify financial harm or endless guilt.

Supporting parents should not mean sacrificing your children’s future or your own stability. Redditors don’t believe setting boundaries makes OP the villain, and yes, she was declared not the AH.